Sofia Vergara‘s now-former fiance Nick Loeb is a violent douchebag, so it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that they’ve broken up again after being reunited in a cave. (Yup.) As for what happened this time, I’m sure she finally got fed up with his violent douchebaggery. Or shilling salad condiments at the White House. Tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to. Page Six reports:
“She was appalled when he went to the White House as Sofia’s plus-one and sneaked in a container of Onion Crunch, which he tried to get the president to pose with,” said one source.
“He was on probation [for more than a year] with her after that, but, like a spoiled brat, never reformed.”
Turns out, the guy brought the shit everywhere. Literally everywhere:
“When [Sofia] found out [Onion Crunch] was in my pocket, she made me put it back in the car,” he recalled. “But I snuck a couple of these little packets that I ended up handing to the executive chef at the White House.”
It wasn’t the only time he rode Vergara’s coattails.
“I brought [Onion Crunch] to the Emmys, the Golden Globes, the SAG awards,” he told The Post’s Hailey Eber. “I put them out on the tables or the buffets at the after-parties. I’ve taken pictures and tweeted them.”
“In fact, the whole point of me telling you all this now is to promote Onion Crunch because clearly I love it more than I love having sex with giant awesome breasts. It’s really that delicious. Now, if you’ll excuse me. – *runs after presidential motorcade* – It goes great on arugula, you Kenyan bitch!”