Sofia Vergara Is Single. Again.

June 2nd, 2014 // 31 Comments
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Sofia Vergara‘s now-former fiance Nick Loeb is a violent douchebag, so it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that they’ve broken up again after being reunited in a cave. (Yup.) As for what happened this time, I’m sure she finally got fed up with his violent douchebaggery. Or shilling salad condiments at the White House. Tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to. Page Six reports:

“She was appalled when he went to the White House as Sofia’s plus-one and sneaked in a container of Onion Crunch, which he tried to get the president to pose with,” said one source.
“He was on probation [for more than a year] with her after that, but, like a spoiled brat, never reformed.”

Turns out, the guy brought the shit everywhere. Literally everywhere:

“When [Sofia] found out [Onion Crunch] was in my pocket, she made me put it back in the car,” he recalled. “But I snuck a couple of these little packets that I ended up handing to the executive chef at the White House.”
It wasn’t the only time he rode Vergara’s coattails.
“I brought [Onion Crunch] to the Emmys, the Golden Globes, the SAG awards,” he told The Post’s Hailey Eber. “I put them out on the tables or the buffets at the after-parties. I’ve taken pictures and tweeted them.”

“In fact, the whole point of me telling you all this now is to promote Onion Crunch because clearly I love it more than I love having sex with giant awesome breasts. It’s really that delicious. Now, if you’ll excuse me. – *runs after presidential motorcade* – It goes great on arugula, you Kenyan bitch!”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, WENN


  1. Good lord. You gave up Sofia Vergara for Onion Crunch? The old saying “no matter how beautiful a woman is, there’s a guy out there that’s tired of fucking her” comes to mind here.

    I’m available or rebound sex btw, Sofia.

  2. Sofia Vergara Cleavage Emjay Anthony Chef Premiere Tribeca Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    If I had an opportunity like that, I’d put Krazy Glue on my cheek.

  3. Urbanspaceman

    For every beautiful woman there is a guy who is tired of her shit.

  4. Man, this Onion Crunch stuff must be AWESOME!

  5. Bane

    I had no idea wtf Onion Crunch was. He actually did that? lol

    Either way he’s an idiot for screwing it up with this one.

    I’d drink her bath water.

  6. Sofia Vergara Cleavage Chef Premiere Tribeca Film Festival
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn she’s pretty.
    Good thing the onion smell will wash off.

  7. Short Round

    A food lover himself an excited Brett Ratner had only one question: Did he jerk off with Onion Crunch and how was it? *starts dialing Sofia’s number…*

  8. While I sympathise with Nick Loeb’s need to make a living and his, erm, entrepreneurial enthusiasm (which is, after all, what made America great–that and the right to arm bears), this is really a modern version of the woman whose insurance salesman fiance/husband tries to sell everybody he meets, in every occasion, a whole life policy. It’s embarrassing.

    One food critic at the Huffington Post claims the Onion Crunch stuff is actually really good:

    In fact, I found a lot of good reviews for the stuff (and you know we can ALWAYS trust what we read on the Internet–I think Abraham Lincoln said that):

  9. Why didn’t he just cast her in Onion Crunch commercials? We could watch her in something low-cut while she bends over to add Onion Crunch to salads, stuffed baked potatoes, green-bean casseroles. And then, “I love Onion Crunch so much that sometimes I just eat it straight from the jar [Onion Crunch bit falls off her finger onto her breast] Oh! [plucks Onion Crunch bit off her breast and pops it in her mouth] Mmmmm!” And then the tag:

    Onion Crunch: Good on Everything.

  10. Umm, pretty sure from what I am reading she broke up with him, not the other way around, so while that saying about about men getting tired of fucking women no matter how hot they are is generally true, it does not seem applicable here.

    He is a rich douchebag which I am sure her inner gold digger hooked up with him initially for, but now her career took off and she is rich in her own right and much richer than he is, she no longer needs him.

    I wonder if he is related to Dan Loeb, now that is the Loeb I am sure she would really want to hook up with.

    • I don’t think he is rich, and another reason she broke up is because he cheated on her repeatedly. I just cannot understand what that guy was thinking. While she left him, it was because he blew it.

      • He comes from a very wealthy well connected family and celebrity net worth, if you trust that site claims he is worth $15 million so he is pretty rich, not NYC, London, LA or Paris rich, but still rich. Her claimed net worth is $70 million which would be why she no longer needs his ass. She is now free to pursue billionaires which I am sure she would prefer.

  11. anonym

    41 years old and still single.
    Something is definitely wrong with her, and it can’t be the tits and ass.

  12. hey Person Arguing With Themself

    More Sofia posts. Pretty please with onion crunch on top?

  13. D-chi

    Honestly, even though the onion crunch bit sounds embarrassing for her, I can see how it would be hilarious to troll the president like that.

  14. Wilmer Valderamma

    This is one of those times I just wish I could meet her just once…my looks and charm would take over from there.

  15. Robb7

    Great face, tits and ass — but have a feeling she’s a bad lay. plus that voice would make my nuts shrivel and fall off.

  16. Yeah – like posted above – with all she has going for her and still single? Or limiting herself to douches like Loeb? That raises some red flags.

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