So Coco Is About To Be Killed By Mommy Bloggers

Since becoming a parent, I’ve actively avoided seeking out any type of online parental guidance — particularly Mommy Blogs — because I believe anyone who refers to their child as LO or their spouse as “darling husband” is the same kind of person who gets “triggered” or says things like “Since Sebastian has been doing baby yoga, we’ve noticed a big change in the way he stares at the fan while listening to his Mandarin immersion instruction.” So, I give less fucks than there are natural human hairs on Donald Trump’s head that Coco is apparently not only letting her baby sleep in bed with her and Ice-T, but they’re also probably quietly banging right next to her. But I know a group who gives all the fucks, as well as has the free time to fling them onto the internet since their babies are on a perfectly structured napping schedule that there’s no reason your child shouldn’t be on. Teething? What even is that?

*puts ear to ground* Do you hear that? That’s the sound of a million cloth diapers being shredded in sanctimonious anguish.

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Tags: Coco