Snooki’s Pregnant

February 1st, 2012 // 59 Comments
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Originally this was supposed to be a post about Snooki and JWoww‘s Jersey Shore spinoff being told to eat a dick by the city of Hoboken, but it turns out someone actually figured out how to impregnate an Ewok and/or distract one from the abortion clinic which is how I’m going to assume this hasn’t happened sooner. RadarOnline reports:

The pint-sized reality star and her boyfriend of a year, Jionni LaValle, are expecting their first child, reveals the upcoming issue of Star.
“She is pregnant and has only told her closest friends and some family,” an insider said.
Never one to keep her mouth shut, the 24-year-old can’t resist hinting publicly at her baby joy, explained the source: “She’s been telling people that she has a big announcement coming.”

While some of you might be quick to point out Snooki’s in the middle of a weight-loss regimen that’s actually been working so getting pregnant now would be fucking retarded, there’s your answer. On that note, I look forward to the birth of Midget Orange Hulk because, Jesus Christ, is that kid about to absorb a ton of UV rays. He’ll probably punch his way out.

UPDATE: If you consider an Oompa Loompa a credible source, Snooki denied being pregnant on Opie & Anthony this morning, so just assume the abortion clinic has those pickles she likes. That’s probably it.

Photos: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Honest Abe

    So do Snookis have litters?

  2. EricLr

    I’m going to go out on a limb here and speculate that this is a kid who will be taking the short bus to school–assuming he survives all that ultraviolet radiation from her daily tanning sessions, of course.

  3. Joanie

    They’re letting it breed?

    • LOL letting it breed:D I would have thought that her face and personality would have a contraceptive effect on any man or beast that approached her…..she is a main reason why America is bad bad bad at times:D

  4. Rico Jones

    Not supposed to get them wet.

  5. Fucking Mayans! I knew it. We’re all screwed.

  6. JC

    Midget Orange Hulk’s superpowers will be limited by his fetal alcohol syndrome and missing chromosomes.

  7. Poison Ivy League

    I think JWoww is th’ fadder.

  8. drunk again

    Can’t wait to see pics of her breast feeding .. yummy

  9. Doomsday 2012

    Charlize Theron can’t get laid.

  10. Ismoss

    ” My mom is Snookie” Just say that to yourself a couple of times

  11. Gunner Rhea

    If it’s a girl they’re naming it breast implants and if it’s a boy they’re naming it dick implants.

  12. Snooki JWoww
    AteIsEnough
    Commented on this photo:

    Really?? Some guys have no class. LOL

  13. Cock Dr

    This does not seem like a person who will stop drinking and god only knows what else during the gestation, so it’ll be interesting to see what kind of Halloween monster appears clamped between the forceps.

  14. Kodos

    “And I beheld the beast coming out of its vagina, and it had ten horns, and it spake as a dragon..”

    We’re fucked.

    • Cock Dr

      Aw come on…it’s just a trashy Jersey bimbo on celebrity steroids. Let’s not make this out to be worse than it is.

  15. Rob

    She’s gonna turn into a big ball of oil …a bigger ball of oil. Somebody please drop her out of a window. When all is said and done …4’8″ deuce and a half. Where her fupa ends, her cankles begin. Her gooch will be the size of a throw pillow.

  16. lawn

    If it’s in the Star, and Fish is spreading it, it must be true.

  17. The Royal Penis

    Sometime call National Geographic, it’s been over 70 years since anyone’s witnessed the birth of an Oompa-Loompa.

  18. Think about it

    They are going to need a really big paint brush to spray tan and glitter that baby inside her vagina every two weeks. Fuckin, fetus don’t tan themselves.

  19. It is 2012, and the Apocalypse Prophecy does say that it will begin with the coming of the Anti-Christ. Juuuust sayin’…

  20. IKE

    All an elaborate scheme to get back to eating again!
    “What?! When you’re pregnant you can eat ALL you want….and WHATEVER you want, and it’s OK? Load her up, Jionni! Momma’s gonna EAT!”
    -Snooki

  21. AnonMe

    I’m really sad this baby is going to be ridiculed it’s whole life because of it’s stupid ass mom and dad. Just look at these comments. It’s like picking on a fetus is trendy.

    • Joan Rivers

      Fuck you, this kid is going to be the douchiest of douches, King fucking douche number one. What the fuck should I pity a kid that’s going to have a lambourghini at age 4? You’re fucking mental if you think these fucking people give a fuck what the fuck anoyone says about them.

  22. The zombie apocalypse is near.

  23. Anon

    Dammit didn’t someone tell Jionni not to put his penis in her frontal asshole?

  24. Minky Wail

    Three words: Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

    • Rapsutin's Evil Twin

      How about Parental Alcohol Syndrome? She’s going to make Britney look like Mother of the Century. Even I feel sorry for this kid!

  25. We're Fucked

    Justin Bieber number two is on his way.

  26. pretty vacant

    the umpacalumpalypse has begun.

  27. forrest gump

    ……………SHOW HER THE BACK DOOR, folks.

  28. anonymoose

    It’s legal for carrots to have babies?

  29. Snooki JWoww
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh like you’ve never pissed in a ditch.

  30. Aunt Angie

    It’s probably just gas.

  31. Snooki JWoww
    Great White Pygmy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Here, let me just put this cup on the shelf and I’ll be with you in just a second.”

  32. Silf

    Won’t Demi Moore be delighted if it’s a boy.

  33. Mando

    Why do I feel like her offspring will resemble furbies?

  34. Snooki JWoww
    George P Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder if the baby will be a little brown duck too?

  35. Snooki JWoww
    George P Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    The Situation is the only one I know who is small enough to fit in there.

  36. Blech

    You know Hoboken told them to eat a dick alright! Or another thousand of them.

    Point is we don’t want alcoholic crabs to start infesting our town.

  37. Snooki JWoww
    endo
    Commented on this photo:

    Come on cant belive that Snooki and the rest of them’s 15min isnt up yet. let them go back to where every they crawled from please.

  38. mchaelhigh

    She has a baby bump! How yummy. She’s so cute, I;m trying to think of more sickningly sweet things to say about her, in the most ridiculous word. Words fail me now, let’s just say that she’s a media whore and leave it at that!

  39. Shelby

    Wow. You need to stop hating on Snooki! you are all probably jealous! Just because you self loath your self doesn’t mean you should trash others. How about you get off your lazy A$$es and try and do something nice instead of trashing others online and being cyberbullies. God, People these days. No respect.

    • Jessica

      For sure not jealous! The few episodes of jersey shore that I have seen shows how gross she and her cast mates are. Have you not see the mattress in the smush room?? I would not even step foot in a room with that thing let alone lay on it. That’s what probably got her pregnant. I keep telling myself that her whole persona is an act. How am I supposed to give respect to a person who flashes her nasty snatch all over the club and tv. The only thing that I respect is that she is actually capitalizing on flashing her nasty dirty snatch. there are so many gross people out there who weren’t smart enough to profit off it. Showing your nasty snatch or a sex tape is the newest way these non talented gross people become famous….example Kim k.

  40. Can someone in America please please run at her with a large rusty pin and pop her please please….

    I would do it but I am too far away….:D

    Why is it possible to despise someone so much…why why why I ponder….and I do not watch her show….seeing her in the tabloids is vomit inducing enough….

  41. martinanoesferd

    well granty if your still hanging around here is there contact
    and details , there there most competitive in the game , mention myself-martina put you on

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