Snooki: The Branding Kiss of Death

Despite being a talking, shot-taking marsupial incapable of carrying a bag down a flight of stairs so her fat ass just chucks it, Snooki is reportedly the last thing fashion houses want to see near their brands. – Think Starbucks and Britney Spears except without all the profit margins from repeat purchases. – And now they’re going so far as to give her free shit but strictly from a place of genius sabotage. Via Techdirt:

Allegedly, the anxious folks at these various luxury houses are all aggressively gifting our gal Snookums with free bags. No surprise, right? But here’s the shocker: They are not sending her their own bags. They are sending her each other’s bags! Competitors’ bags!
Call it what you will — “preemptive product placement”? “unbranding”? — either way, it’s brilliant, and it makes total sense. As much as one might adore Miss Snickerdoodle, her ability to inspire dress-alikes among her fans is questionable. The bottom line? Nobody in fashion wants to co-brand with Snooki.

I guess she really isn’t like Lindsay Lohan who still somehow manages to score modeling gigs. Except, wait, what’s this? That’s exactly what Snooki just said last night to People:

However, she tells PEOPLE that the judge’s comparison between her and the recently rehabbed Lohan was unfair.
“I definitely thought it was harsh,” she says. “I never drank and drove, I don’t do drugs – I do nothing that Lindsay does, so it was definitely a little overboard.”

For anyone wondering why it feels like you just got sucker-punched in the face, that was Snooki arguing she’s a better person than Lindsay Lohan and being right about it. No, really, I’m literally sitting here with my mouth open, trying to say something, but how do you even argue with that? I need to lie down for a minute.

(Thanks to Jon, who has a PhD in Folklore and confirmed Aragorn fought an army of Snookis at Helms Deep. I knew it!)

Photos: Splash News