Slash is Getting a Divorce

By: The Superficial / August 30, 2010

Proving a long-held theory of mine that rock stars should never get married because Mick Jagger is 106 and still gets free ass, Slash is reportedly divorcing his wife of nine years and, basing this on absolutely nothing but them being on the same stage this weekend (Journalism!), is now entangled in a an epic struggle to turn Fergie’s penis into a vagina using nothing but tasty licks. — That came out all kinds of wrong. Via Popeater:

Sources close to the pair tell TMZ “the breakup is extremely acrimonious.”
Slash and Perla’s date of separation is listed as July 15, 2010. There was no prenuptial agreement and Slash is reportedly willing to pay spousal support.

I love how they say Slash is “willing” to pay alimony as if there was some sort of choice in the matter. That’s like me saying I’m “willing” to die right after getting shot in the pancreas. “No, no, I want to pass away. This is all me. I’m in control here. Even when I just shit myself a minute ago. That was by choice.”

(I was supposed to describe dying not paying spousal support back there, wasn’t I? HIYO!)

Photos: Splash News