‘Skating With Celebrities’ marks the end of good television. Or does it?

Tonya_Harding.jpgFOX announced today that it will soon premiere a new show called “Skating With Celebrities,” which will be hosted by Olympic gold medalist Scott Hamilton. For those of you who haven’t already passed out after some intense eye rolling, the competitive reality series will pair six D-list celebrities with six skating stars such as Nancy Kerrigan, Tai Babilonia, and Kurt Browning.

You know, as much as I love seeing entertainers I’ve never heard of or cared about in my life fall face-down on the cold, treacherous ice, the only way FOX could possibly get to me to watch this show would be if they gave Tonya Harding a crowbar and let her loose onto the ice in the middle of the contestants’ routines. Then the judges would rate them on technical merit, presentation, and success in escaping Tonya Harding’s blood lust. Then in the finals, the two remaining teams would be placed into a figure skating cage match with Harding, who would be strapped onto the back of a deranged, maniacal elephant. And whoever survives and does the most pretty jumps and spins in the process would win!

You know what? I totally take it back. I am so tuning in.