Selena Gomez’s Dad Used Her To Pick Up Hooters Waitresses When She Was 7

March 8th, 2013 // 33 Comments
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Selena Gomez is the cover interview for the April issue of Harper’s Bazaar where she opens up about her dad taking her to Hooters when she was seven to score waitresses which kind of explains the whole dating Justin Bieber thing. He’d never have the balls to do that, or in general if we’re strictly speaking in medical terms here:

Selena is sitting in a booth at Hooters, reminiscing. Hooters is something of a Gomez family tradition—one that’s slightly more wholesome than it sounds. “My mom and dad had me when they were young,” she says of her now divorced parents, as she dips a fried pickle into a mysterious sauce. “And when I was seven, my dad would go to Hooters to watch Spurs games. But he started noticing that when I would come, with my little pigtails, all the waitresses would be like, ‘Hey!’ So he ended up half spending time with me but with all those cute girls coming over.” She laughs. “And that kind of became our thing.” (As for Hooters’s celebrated, er, aesthetic, she has not donned a T-shirt—”yet,” she adds with a wink.)

And now that you know how to act exactly like her father, the key to any healthy relationship, Selena Gomez is literally just waiting for someone new to ask her out:

Gomez is sanguine about the single life, adding that she doesn’t get “asked out a lot. Well, firstly, I look like this all the time,” she says, showcasing her flannel shirt and chunky knit scarf, which a blob of ketchup has landed on, “and when I actually look presentable, I’m at an awards show. It’s not like I’ve wanted to go out and look for someone. I’m not really good at that.”
But that doesn’t mean Gomez is a cynic when it comes to love. “I believe in love—yes, I’m one of those girls,” she says. “Most of my friends believe in love. I went out with Katy Perry last night. She’s so fun and awesome, but it’s cool to see someone older believe in love too. She is all about it, and that’s how I will always be. I believe in stories like, ‘Oh, I met him in Starbucks.’”

So all I need to do is run into Selena Gomez at Starbucks, let her see me use a young girl to pick up baristas then, BOOM, we’re making out on a double date with Katy Perry. It’s almost too easy. Now to Google local elementary schools where I assume security will be lax and absolutely no one will be jumpy at the sight of a stranger waltzing into classrooms asking to borrow a kid. Seriously, how has no one tried this yet?

Photos: Harper’s Bazaar, Splash News

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  1. Um, and how would a little girl be a chick magnet ???

  2. Wilber

    Everybody loves Dora the Explorer, even Hooters chicks

  3. She still looks like she’s 7 years old in the face department.

    So all I have to do score with Selena is take her to Hooters, watch sports and hit on other women? I can do that.

  4. Inner Retard

    This chick is almost as fucked up as me. But as romantic as that sounds I still can’t stand her. Smoking hot body with a 12 year old’s face. It’s like getting and adrenaline drip in one arm, morphine in the other.

  5. J. Bieber

    “she dips a fried pickle into a mysterious sauce”

    That’s how I’d sum up our relationship.

  6. FUCKBEAST

    Still not understanding why I should give a fuck

  7. Juch

    Mr. Gomez, we salute you. If it wasn’t for ‘parents’ like you mixing sexuality with child-rearing, America wouldn’t be blessed with an avalanche of female porn stars and male serial killers that provide so much of the foundation of popular culture! Right away, kindergartens and elementary educators should institute programs encouraging similar bonding, perhaps a “Naked Daddy Reads You Fifty Shades of Grey” day at school.

    • cc

      Funny that you say that. I remember reading an interview with some Playmate and she said when her issue came out she sat down with her dad and they looked through it together.

      I wonder what that went like ‘Gee, since when did you start shaving of all your pubic hair?’ and ‘You know, seeing you with your naked ass in the air reminds of when I used to change your diapers.’.

      • I wonder about that sort of thing too, cc. I’m a fairly relaxed parent about many things, but I don’t know how anyone could look at a porno (generalizing, I know Playboy and actual porn are different) spread with their own kid in it and not think anything but “Wow! I really did a shit job on this one. I think I’ll just go drink some hemlock.”

      • Nudity just doesn’t bother some people. At all. She probably had his blessing to do it. I think he’s just supportive. I know of a very successful porn star who’s career is managed by her parents, and she’s pretty fucking normal. No drug issues, nothing.

    • How about “Drunk uncle puts your panties on his head” day?

  8. ‘Oh, I met him in Starbucks.’ Thanks for that bit of info as now I know where to stalk you. “Believe in Love’” Jesus Christ have you been to online dating sites? Statements like the aforementioned and “he must have SOH” are so fucken generic BS. Serial Killers also believe in love and have really good SOH’s hence their high kill rate.

    • It’s funny how guys grow up being told women want a guy who can make them laugh. Meanwhile women grow up being told to laugh at a guy’s jokes to make him like you. That’s some life-fucking manipulation right there. I want a disney movie where the life lesson is that women love a guy with a job. Win/win/win all around.

  9. Selena Gomez Topless Bikini Sunbathing Pregnant
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    You ever notice how clothing tags put in an appearance at the most inopportune times?

  10. karlito

    doesn’t it seem that a lot of these Disney girls have terrible relationships with their fathers. DISNEY INTERVIEW: so young lady you want to be a star, right? YES. do you get along with your father? NO. I HATE HIM. oh that’s so sad to hear. well don’t worry, we here at Disney LOVE little girls. welcome aboard. now go try on this bikini in that change room. just ignore the cameras over there, they’re not working…i promise. OK boys, another lamb for the slaughter

  11. Damn she is delicious looking.

  12. Selena Gomez Topless Bikini Sunbathing Pregnant
    Herman Bumfudle
    Commented on this photo:

    hi beautiful mama #fu*k what is wrong with these dudes. i would knock you up, you are so beautiful.

  13. This happened last week.

  14. nuclear option

    I would stuff her with my corned beef frequently

  15. tlmck

    Looking at that umbrella pic makes me sad I was born without the dirty old man gene.

  16. The fact that she refers to Katy Perry as “someone older” should creep you guys out. Just saying..

    • Inner Retard

      Everything’s relative. She’s 20, Perry 28. The younger you are the bigger the age differences feel. Remember when we were younger (my god I said it…) we got upset because we were “12 and a half” not 12.

  17. DonPablo

    Selena is cute, but she doesn’t have the goods to work at Hooters. She may have a shot at their lesser known affiliate “Raisins”

  18. Selena Gomez Topless Bikini Sunbathing Pregnant
    Cindy
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t see it. Her body, maybe, but she has the face of a 3 year old.

  19. Tom

    “Seriously, how has no one tried this yet?”
    I did.
    Prison’s not too bad really. Once your ass’ been ripped open 20 or 30 times, you go kind of numb

  20. Selena Gomez Topless Bikini Sunbathing Pregnant
    mikeJ
    Commented on this photo:

    decent armpits for a skinny girl

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