Selena Gomez is the cover interview for the April issue of Harper’s Bazaar where she opens up about her dad taking her to Hooters when she was seven to score waitresses which kind of explains the whole dating Justin Bieber thing. He’d never have the balls to do that, or in general if we’re strictly speaking in medical terms here:
Selena is sitting in a booth at Hooters, reminiscing. Hooters is something of a Gomez family tradition—one that’s slightly more wholesome than it sounds. “My mom and dad had me when they were young,” she says of her now divorced parents, as she dips a fried pickle into a mysterious sauce. “And when I was seven, my dad would go to Hooters to watch Spurs games. But he started noticing that when I would come, with my little pigtails, all the waitresses would be like, ‘Hey!’ So he ended up half spending time with me but with all those cute girls coming over.” She laughs. “And that kind of became our thing.” (As for Hooters’s celebrated, er, aesthetic, she has not donned a T-shirt—”yet,” she adds with a wink.)
And now that you know how to act exactly like her father, the key to any healthy relationship, Selena Gomez is literally just waiting for someone new to ask her out:
Gomez is sanguine about the single life, adding that she doesn’t get “asked out a lot. Well, firstly, I look like this all the time,” she says, showcasing her flannel shirt and chunky knit scarf, which a blob of ketchup has landed on, “and when I actually look presentable, I’m at an awards show. It’s not like I’ve wanted to go out and look for someone. I’m not really good at that.”
But that doesn’t mean Gomez is a cynic when it comes to love. “I believe in love—yes, I’m one of those girls,” she says. “Most of my friends believe in love. I went out with Katy Perry last night. She’s so fun and awesome, but it’s cool to see someone older believe in love too. She is all about it, and that’s how I will always be. I believe in stories like, ‘Oh, I met him in Starbucks.’”
So all I need to do is run into Selena Gomez at Starbucks, let her see me use a young girl to pick up baristas then, BOOM, we’re making out on a double date with Katy Perry. It’s almost too easy. Now to Google local elementary schools where I assume security will be lax and absolutely no one will be jumpy at the sight of a stranger waltzing into classrooms asking to borrow a kid. Seriously, how has no one tried this yet?