Sean Penn & Oprah Brace Haiti For Kim Kardashian’s Arrival

December 13th, 2011 // 29 Comments

“There’s just not enough room for her ass. Sean, I can’t look…”

Despite my liberal leanings, I don’t see photos of Sean Penn and Oprah frantically running around Haiti in faux urgency and immediately start masturbating into a pile of arugula at a Whole Foods. (Okay, I did do that, but only to feel fancy.) No, I roll my eyes just like you and then immediately make with the Lost jokes. “Wait, you’re not Oprah- Smoke monster!” That said, apparently Kim Kardashian is also in Haiti so people will think she’s too charitable of a person to stage a fake wedding purely for profit, so God willing, these two are trying to physically remove her from the island, hopefully by using Sean to punch out every single person with a camera. Because if no one’s snapping Kim’s picture with a starving child who could feed an entire village with just one slice of her ass cheek, what’s the point in even going? That’s precious mustache waxing time you’re wasting.

Photos: Splash News


  1. Any Guy

    is Sean Penn starring in ‘The Color Purple II’ now?

  2. Carles

    “We’re gonna need a bigger island”


    Jaws references always get +1 in my book.

  3. Bonky

    As much as Sean Penn can be a total douchebag, he really has been deep in the shit over there for a long time. Problem is that there is no way for Haiti to fix itself. Some country is going to have to take over for a few years and rebuild it, without Haitian interference.

  4. Cock Dr

    Oprah has huge hooters….that’s the real reason this was posted.

  5. cc

    I wonder if Kim is sentient enough to know she’s just a distraction that the island doesn’t need right now (if ever)?

  6. b.mclane

    Please Lord, Please …..If there is ANYWAY you can keep all 3 of them in Haiti FOREVER??? Please Lord, PLease.

  7. forrest gump

    ……..we need to say more?

  8. Sean Penn Oprah Winfrey Haiti Refugee Camp
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess they cleared out all the Haitians before the photo shoot

  9. muhammad X. Cheeks

    kim is there to just to pickup a new ni66er, that’s all

  10. Clarence Beeks

    Kim K is last, because she had to make sure the paps were there before her arrival.

  11. Richard McBeef

    Everyone involved in this story needs a cholera infection and Haiti is just the place to get it. HIV too, but that takes years to get funny. Cholera gets funny within 24-36 hours.

  12. Confused

    It’s Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick in 20 years!

  13. I guess Kim went through most of the black men in America (or maybe they’ve wise up and started staying away from that ass), so she’s going through the ones on the islands now…

  14. Sean Penn Oprah Winfrey Haiti Refugee Camp
    Commented on this photo:

    I seriously think Sean would punch out the photographers.

  15. occam's boner

    I don’t see any Hatians in these pics…they were prolly shot on a warner brothers back lot or some shit

  16. jaime

    Please, somebody, ANYBODY.. don’t let Kim into the Dominican Republic. Everybody will mistake her for a hooker.

    Huh? Wbat? She already is??…. Sorry.

  17. boo

    If you are going to go to a third world country, shouldn’t you at least try to look like you fit in? Oprah could BUY that dump and she’s there with no makeup, frizzy hair and generic clothing. KIM on the the other hand, has a face full of slap, perfect hair and clothes designed to show off her ass and boobs. I guess the Kris H is a gay abusive jerk campaign didn’t work, next step on the PR ladder must be “Pretend to help the less fortunate.”

    • boo

      Oops, did not realize that those pictures of her weren’t taken in Haiti. Oh well, she’s still a useless famewhore and I wouldn’t be suprised if she does dress like this once she gets there.

  18. mz/x

    How many times did Oprah’s publicist tell her: Stop asking people, Are you gonna eat that?

  19. What do you get when you cross a woman who worked her way up from nothing and a sanctimonious douchebag who would blow Chavez if he could?

    See above.

  20. Sean Penn Oprah Winfrey Haiti Refugee Camp
    Commented on this photo:

    Wonder Twin powers ACTIVATE! Form of a ham sandwich! Form of a self-righteous douchebag!

  21. A friend of mine actually works in an non-profit humanitarian organization that is currently working in Haiti. Anyway, he said that he saw Kim Kardashian and her pimp of a mother, and he heard Kim complaining to her pimp that it smelled fouled. Moreover, when a child came close to hold her hand (while Kim posed in front of the cameras), she was later on heard telling her assistant “Do you have any antibacterial gel? His hands were dirty.”
    Talk about being a fake cunt. I hope her private jet crashes on her way back to LA. I would personally enjoy peeing and crapping on her grave.

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