Sean Penn Is Banging Minka Kelly Now, Just Burn Everything

Not only did Charlize Theron leave Sean Penn, she straight up ghosted him, and you can tell how deeply it affected him by the way he started immediately fucking Minka Kelly. Clearly, he was inconsolable. TMZ reports:

Sean was celebrating Minka Kelly’s 35th birthday, along with 3 other people.
They were by no means hush hush … people at other tables heard Sean tell the other 3 he and Minka met at a Haiti charity event.
They had a feast to end all, with a chicken with the feet still attached, truffle mac and cheese and a birthday cake. The people at Sean’s table, along with others in the restaurant, serenaded Minka to “Happy Birthday.”
Sean picked up the tab … and it was pricey.

And just in case this information doesn’t make you hate everything, Minka Kelly spent past the six months in culinary school. So not only does she look like Minka Kelly and will have sex in exchange for bobbleheads (I will never stop loving that post.), she can cook awesome food now, too. If this is what Antonin Scalia was talking about when he said the Devil is tricking people into not believing God, I take back everything I said because the man’s absolutely right. This is applesauce Jigglypuff banana voodoo.

Photo: Instagram