Scarlett Johansson’s breasts try to cure Parkinson’s

November 6th, 2008 // 51 Comments

The ‘A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Cure Parkinson’s’ benefit for the Michael J. Fox Foundation was held in New York last night, and Scarlett Johansson threw her weight behind the cause by showing off her cleavage. Good call. While there’s no scientific proof that Scarlett Johansson’s tits can cure Parkinson’s, it’s worth a shot. Medical science routinely vivisects monkeys in search of cures for diseases, and that doesn’t give me half the erection that these pictures do.

EDIT: Added some more pics because, uh, dammit, we need a cure! Yeah, what I just said.

Photos: Splash News, WENN

  1. Rant

    A+ titties!

  2. Mike Hawk


  3. LawnGnome

    If it weren’t for her boobs, no one would know this chick.

  4. Balls McCoy

    give Michael a tooth brush and let him brush your pearly yellows.

  5. hendero

    Scarlett fever
    I’d never leave her
    Wood’s so hard
    For her lovely beaver

  6. assmunch

    is that a haiku?

  7. my comment

    Just another creepy cult of Obama shill.


  8. i dont like her voice. but she fine as hell

  9. Sport

    Would a week on Waikiki Beach kill her?

  10. dork

    Yes, I was contacted by the physician conducting the trial on this new technique and he informed me that I would have to suck her lactating breasts.

    It seems that her breast milk has unique properties that not only cure parkinsons, but also cancer, blue balls and premature baldness.

    I will be able to stop shaking, smoke like a chimney, hump her leg and stop visiting hair club for men.

    If the trial works, the doctor informs me, Scarlett will be cloned.

  11. Including the DUMB & NAIVE AMERICAN SMILE she will maybe succeed?

  12. laughen n peein


  13. tina smith

    She is so beautiful and charming. She is my favorite. Just saw her on the millionaire & celebrity dating club^^^^^^MillionaireLoving. C O M^^ ^^^^last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that

    site.Is she single now?

  14. Tony

    I find her gross. Not just unattractive, but stomach-turning. Doughy, way too pasty — even for me, and I’m like Casper the Ghost — and with yellow teeth. Her smile has no charm, but is like a dog baring its fangs at you. She has a pug nose. Even her famous breasts are like a bowl of tapioca, with no spring to them. She looks more like the corpse of a once-beautiful girl, than a beautiful girl.

  15. fry

    ryan reynolds gets to hit this? DAYUM! i wish!

  16. I found her blogs on “””””’ Millionaire Romances.c om_____, a totally free social networking club for celebrities and stars! I just wonder if the blogs were written by herself?

  17. zok

    titties like wow, mmmmm would like to slide it between them

  18. angela

    I really dont get the yellow teeth thing… i mean yeah they aren’t blinding white like a lot of celebrities… but that nasty fake impossible white thing really is not attractive in real life. i think her teeth are actually white, just naturally so… which is what no one is used to seeing anymore, which is dumb.

    and any way i think she looks really pretty. i like her hair better dark.

  19. Jay

    Wow, stretch marks! And I thought only normal people had them!

    I think she’s rather gorgeous.

  20. ChuckleHead

    I just made a map of Hawaii on my monitor.

  21. Sicko

    I would hit that all night long

  22. mars

    She is so beautiful and charming. She is my favorite. Just saw her on the millionaire & celebrity dating club^^^^^^ ^^ ^^^^last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that

    site.and is she single now

  23. Those could cure anything!

  24. F-Obama

    Shit, I just jizzed in my pants

  25. WalrusUnit

    damn… I would MoTorBoat those tits Fo’ Days!

  26. Joejam2845

    Post #3 somes this gal up!

  27. Serge

    Scarlett Johansson (actress)actually is a clone from original person,who has nothing with acting career.Clone was created from stolen biomaterial.Original Scarlett Galabekian last name is nice,CHRISTIAN young lady.Clones(not 1)made in GERMANY,leader manufacturer of humans clones,it’s in Ludwigshafen am Rhein,Rhineland-Palatinate,Mr.Helmut Kohl home town,they spreading globaly NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled,be careful get close you’ll be controlled too.Original family didn’t authorize activity with stolen biomaterials,it’s all should go to Cedars-Sinai MedCenter in LA.Controlling clones is US military operation.Original Scarlett never was engaged,by the wy

  28. I saw Scarlet in that Woody Allen flick that all the tabloids and gossip sites were saying would have her in a threesome with that hot Spanish babe and the actor. Well, there was no threesome. Y’all got powned by the movie producers who “leaked” lies to get you talking about the film. In fact there was no nudity at all. I wuz robbed.

    PS: Scarlet drop the bra let’s see the titties it is Da Man’s feeding time!

  29. linda

    She is so beautiful…I am a tall girl,because of tall,seems difficult to find a boy friend for me,I am anxiety sometime.Since I joined the club[__""__],I find many good tall admirers,tall guys, tall girls,even models. If you are a tall admirer or tall single, please join us.Disscuss love romance and friendship with us.

  30. Meatus

    When you combine Parkinson’s and large breasts, the motorboating comes naturally. You just have to make the ‘Brrrronsky’ noise.

  31. Lexoka

    This story is pure nonsense.

    How could Scarlett’s breasts try to cure Parkinson’s? Trying implies a chance of failure, which is just ridiculous in this case.

  32. Dr. Feel Good


    Yes, I agree. Failure is ridiculous. I can assure you, though, this is very real.

    I have been staring at her breasts all night and my normally shaking right fist is completely cured. (Not to mention kinda gooey)

  33. Carson

    Titties like bang, arse like pow!

  34. meh

    ryan reynolds is hotter than her. her face is crap, and her tits aren’t that big…. the homeless lady outside of my building has bigger ones. she must be better than scarjo

  35. Parker

    I wish she could help me get over the need to have her tightly clenching my cock in her ass. This affliction of mine is every bit as devastating as Parkinsons. One minute I’m fine, just walking around enjoying life, and the next I’ll be tortured by visions of Scarlett Johansson twisting her beautiful butt up and down the length of my cock moaning about how much she likes getting her ass fucked while I’m reading a book on linear algebra. As the spell subsides I find myself disoriented, twitching and sweating, people looking at me strangely. In their eyes I sometimes see pity, and sometimes disgust. It’s a horrible affliction and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. To imagine a girl like that doing such wonderful thing and for some reason not being able to enjoy the vision is so horribly cruel. I hope someday there is a cure. I don’t know who Parkinson is but outwardly it sounds like Scarlett Johanssen’s disease is pretty much the same thing except Michael J. Fox will have visions of this Parkinson woman instead of Scarlett Johansson. I wish him well.

  36. Chauncey Gardner

    Scarlett Johansson looks like she eats a lot of cheese, and shits accordingly.

  37. finally… a cure! for those Amy Winehouse pics, i mean. oh, and i hate ryan reynolds. and by “hate” i mean “envy”

  38. leo

    stretch marks stretch marks stretch marks stretch marks stretch marks
    you better stay so pasty, Scarlett, or those stretch marks wil become even more visible.

  39. Bill O'Reilly

    I’ve made those mounds a sausage float. Trust me, they hold up well.

  40. supersex

    Scarlett, i don’t want to pay my taxes can i eat your pussy?

  41. Deacon Jones

    She’s hot, but ughhh, I just pictured her in 20 years looking like Hillary Clinton, cankles and all

  42. kelley

    Hey, the tits are real !!

  43. Liam

    She is such a natural beauty.

  44. Balls McCoy

    Hey Chucklehead….

    Liiiiiiiinger Looooooonger!

  45. SATAN

    so wait, has it been pretty much confirmed that her tits are real?

  46. i think so

    her left breast bigger than her right

  47. i’m sooo gay for Scarlet.

    i just want to lick every inch of her perfect skin

  48. not really

    @47 if by bigger you really mean smaller, then yes you would be correct

  49. CharlieBarley

    I would play bongos with those sweet melons all day long, baby.

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