Scarlett Johansson & Sean Penn Broke Up

When a 26-year-old divorcee rebounds directly into the arms of a 50-year-old egomaniac who used to punch Madonna for sport, you just assume that’s the kind of relationship that will go the distance. So imagine my surprise when Scarlett Johansson andSean Penn called it quits after just three months. Is it because she keeps getting pregnant? I bet it’s because she keeps getting pregnant. People reports:

Speculation about the pair began after Johansson did not attend the Cannes Film Festival with Penn for his movie The Tree of Life. She has been working on The Avengers in New Mexico, reprising her role of Black Widow from Iron Man 2.
… The reason for the split wasn’t immediately known. Reps declined to comment.

Keep in mind Ryan Reynolds is exactly two weeks away from opening a massive summer blockbuster that will skyrocket his career, and even more importantly, he still has testicles that don’t look like a slightly less dead version of Hugh Hefner’s face. I’m talking tender, firm rounds orbs you just want to rub your face into and forget all about blogging about celebrities all day Haiti for five fucking minutes. I hear they even halos.

On that note, I need to never be exposed to Tito Ortiz’s penis again because I’m pretty sure I just wrote an entire commentary about Ryan Reynold’s balls back there. It’s kinda hard to tell with this Green Lantern mask on. Maybe if I squint…

Photos: Getty