Scarlett Johansson’s Pregnant (For Real This Time)

March 4th, 2014 // 20 Comments
Sexiest Woman Alive?
Scarlett Johansson Esquire Sexiest Woman Alive Cover
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For those of you wondering why the hell Esquire‘s Sexiest Woman Alive would resort to shilling sugar water for a company that operates a factory in a contested hotbed of religious infighting, it turns out Scarlett Johansson is five months pregnant, and this time isn’t the work of angles and weird shirts. Or so Romaine Lettuce would have us believe… I know who you’re working for! E! News reports:

The 29-year-old beauty is expecting her first child with fiancé Romain Dauriac, multiple sources confirm to E! News.
The pregnancy news comes just six months after it was announced that the Oscar-nominated actress is planning to tie the knot with her French journalist beau.

While this is great news for Scarlett Johansson, it’s fucking terrible news for The Avengers 2 which just started filming. Then again, it does present the opportunity for this scene:

STARK
What's she doing here? Fury, I told you I'm not working with her.

JARVIS
Sir, I'm picking up heightened levels of hormones. It appears Ms. Romanov 
is pregnant. Engaging Plan B protocol. On your mark, sir.

STARK
Now!

[Iron Man armor fires rockets at Black Widow, disintegrating her on the spot.]

STARK
Guess that solved itself. So, what's this Ultron thingie you were talking about?

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Splash News, WENN

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  1. JC

    I have a strong feeling that even if the entire casts and crews of all these comic movies were pregnant, drunk, high, and/or had visibly weeping sores all over their bodies, the movies would still be of roughly the same quality. Maybe slightly better.

  2. D-chi

    Headcanon, it’s Hawkeye’s baby and no one can convince me otherwise.

  3. If they start filming ‘Her 2: Her Again?’ now, they can get a much more bitchy and hormonal version of Siri.

  4. Deacon Jones

    How are all these gay Europeans knocking up our Hollywood starlets? (see Natalie Portman)

    • CrashHell

      It’s because for women, foreign men are the equivalent of prostitutes and stippers for guys. She’s essentially in love with a stipper…Mike Jones don’t ever trick Son Son!

      • emma Watson's Vagina

        women do get attracted to foreign men and accents. so while for the Americans you would be like strippers and hookers for foreign chicks.

        so while you might do nothing for Natalie portman(. BTW she actually had her current husband given a borderline investigation/interigation before she even considered to date him. so he had to be a foreign fanboy for her.)

        there is still hope for the foreign actresses like Keira knightley. but you have to be somewhat good looking also. I know there are other hotter actresses out there. but I am giving her as an example.

        as far as someone calling him looking like a douche.. maybe, but he definitely looks nervous. see portman reference.

  5. I thought it was a disheveled Josh Brolin for a minute there. Duck, Black Widow!

  6. Why does he look like he’s ready to smack a bitch?

  7. Having just watched The Avengers again for the millionth time, I can’t wait for the second one. I look forward to seeing Black Widow beating Ultron by bitching at him.

  8. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant 39th Cesar Film Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I still can’t understand why people think she’s pretty. Her body is okay but that face, yikes.

  9. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant Fiance Romain Dauriac 39th Cesar Film Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    You make the Black Widow pregnant and no smile , not even a fucken grin. Oh I just remembered Google stated your French. It explains everything.

  10. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant Fiance Romain Dauriac 39th Cesar Film Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Exhibit #1, why Americans eat Freedom Fries.

  11. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant Fiance Romain Dauriac 39th Cesar Film Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Her fiancée looks like a douche from Depeche Mode.

  12. JimBB

    “Scarlett Johansson,” man, that takes me back. I had almost forgotten what life was like before we had Jennifer Lawrence.

  13. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant Fiance Romain Dauriac 39th Cesar Film Awards
    Mr. Fahrenheit
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, Christ. The robots have learned how to impregnate our women. We let you have the music industry, but we didn’t agree to this. WE DIDN’T AGREE TO THIS!

  14. Johnny Barbells

    …game over, man.”

  15. lara_s

    Remember the reports that she was trying to get 20 million for her next Avengers movie? I wonder if Marvel refused and she is sabotaging them on purpose? She doesn’t look the type to get knocked up by accident.

  16. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant Fiance Romain Dauriac 39th Cesar Film Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    she could not find someone better? she should just got pregnant with Ryan Reynolds’ baby. they would separate anyway, why does she even bother marrying this guy

  17. Courtkney

    Hmm 5 months pregnant and she announced the engagement 6 months ago? How much do you want to bet she “has the baby a month early”.

  18. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant Fiance Romain Dauriac 39th Cesar Film Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it just me, or does she look a little like Chelsea Clinton from this angle? Even though it is clear Chelsea is in the background. Or maybe I’m coming down with something…

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