Scarlett Johansson Looks Like Hell

December 13th, 2011 // 62 Comments

There was a time when Scarlett Johannson was considered one of the hottest young actresses in Hollywood and found herself on the receiving end of such penises as Josh Hartnett, Chris Evans and Justin Timberlake. She looks like this now and spent the beginning of the year banging Sean Penn. However, like us, she’s realized that despite all that depressing shit I just said, she somehow looks kind of awesome wearing black leather pants and professionally applied hair and makeup. So of course Scarlett’s hoping for a solo movie starring the most pointless character in Iron Man 2 and soon The Avengers. (Hey. Jon Favreau‘s character carried the briefcase suit. Watch your mouth.) Superhero Hype reports:

“I love playing the Widow. I think she’s got a very interesting past, a lot of storylines to explore, and certainly Kevin (Feige) loves that character,” she told us when asked about a possible spin-off. “I think that Marvel has a very personal relationship with their fans, and I think if the fans want it, and the audience wants it, nothing’s impossible. I would love to explore that option as well. Like I said, I love the character and it would be nice to see something nice and gritty.”

Keep in mind this will probably happen because if the comic book industry runs on anything, it’s boners. In fact, I’ll write the entire script for Black Widow right now:

Scarlett Johansson's ass and titties in a tight leather costume. (Maybe CGI her face?) End Credits

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I honestly didn’t mean to go that deep into Black Widow’s mythos, but sometimes a good writer knows when to step out of the way and let the characters tell the story. The studio can worry about dumbing it down.

Photos: Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

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  1. cc

    Yes, well, she was a heavy smoker (or still is) which seldom does a face any good. Just look at LiLo’s corn-colored teeth and bleached J-cloth face.

  2. ace11

    She Did it with Sean Penn

    How can anyone have respect for her?

    • EricLr

      I do have a certain respect for anyone who can talk to Sean Penn for more than five minutes without punching him.

  3. Michelle

    Is her super hero name “Captain Overrated”?

  4. wakawaka

    I wish hell looked like that.

  5. OnTheRealThough

    I’ve been wanting Scarlett to get her teeth bleached for years. Come on already.

    And those Ryan/Blake pics in the media probably got her strung out.

  6. The Kilted Yaksman

    She looks a fuckload better than she did on Letterman last night. She was so bloated she looked pregnant and her legs were a delightful shade of purple.

  7. Kaki King

    Smoking has turned your teeth yellow, fix them. Get a new dentist because the one you have ruined you.

    • Sliver

      She can afford maintenance. I know people who make less than 40k a year who maintain their teeth better than this…

  8. Terry

    she is starting to pack on the weight and age. The two won’t be good for her. She ain’t got the genes to look like a hot milf.

  9. JC

    Watch as ScarJo morphs into your butch second cousin, who drinks a bottle of whiskey all by herself during Thanksgiving and won’t stop punching everyone.

  10. rupert

    It was always about her amazing tits…and her face. But faces keep growing as people age. They change.

    Watching Two Broke Girls last night made me think the same thing…that Kat Denning has an unbelievable rack but her face, while sultry and interesting (with those giant lips and eyes), is going to become unbearable to look at in about 10 years. Like she will be able to play an evil witch without makeup. But for now, those tits are to die for.

  11. forrest gump

    ………..you’ve been there?

  12. Rico Jones

    If that is what hell looks like sign me up.

  13. SisterRay

    She was never that good looking. She just used to have bigger tits and spend more time squeezing them together.

  14. Confused

    I simply don’t get what people see in her. She looks exactly the same in this picture as any other. What is different now that turns you off from her? Her piggly nose and atrocious voice have always been there. Are you just now noticing?

  15. Sincerely believe that whole Black Widow movie would be the dumbest film ever produced by Marvel Studios… until I read that script. Now, the movie could actually be better than Green Lantern. Really doesn’t take much, doesn’t it?

    • Sally Knight

      Had it not been for Fox you would have had instead of ScarJo as Black Widow you would have had Emily Blunt, whom I think is a far better actress and better looking to boot. Oh well.

  16. brit

    Her look of the praying mantis is not matched by her insect eating ability.

  17. Uncle Phil

    I’m waiting for her to say “That comes with grits or hashbrowns.”

  18. Scarlett Johansson We Bought A Zoo
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks exactly like she always has. This is what happens when you see a head shot of an actress. You remember they have a face. And it’s meh.

  19. Sean

    She has smoker’s teeth.

  20. EricLr

    Seriously, no one ever watched her for her acting ability. She was painful to watch from Ghost World onwards–which pretty much covers her entire career save that godawful Ben Stiller movie when she was like 13. So her career was always destined to fade with her looks. Her complaining about being judged for her looks would be like Kim Basinger complaining about it in 1990.

    Sweety, your looks are all you have.

  21. John

    This must be a warning to all the other young starlets out there not to fuck Sean penn!

  22. Scarlett Johansson We Bought A Zoo
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Why yes, I do love zoos! You might even say I’m a zoophiliac! Wait, it means what?!?”

  23. Scarlett Johansson We Bought A Zoo
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “No, I don’t think this dress would look better on Blake Lively! Shutup!”

  24. vader

    Her shit-stained teeth are the least of her problems. She’s never been hot, her face is beat!!

  25. Bianca

    I think she was at her peak at the Oscars a few years back, but since then, meh. She’s still a pretty girl and has good skin, but she’s always in some “avante garde” fucked up hairdo, her makeup is a mess, her teeth are yellowing and yo-yo dieting is taking a toll on her body.

  26. Scarlett Johansson We Bought A Zoo
    Plurp
    Commented on this photo:

    Sean Penn left something he caught in Hati in her belly and it is beginning to destroy her skin, hair and anything else that was once good about her.

  27. Scarlett Johansson We Bought A Zoo
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey everybody! I just got an endorsement offer from Crest Whitestrips!”

  28. Scarlett Johansson We Bought A Zoo
    VEGAN
    Commented on this photo:

    bart simspon hairdo

  29. wtf

    Never been hot. The end.

  30. mike

    kirsten dunst got her teeth fixed, cool

  31. Scarlett Johansson We Bought A Zoo
    Evil
    Commented on this photo:

    I like muffins too…

  32. AnnaDraconida

    The worst bit of casting for a female action hero EVER. That’s an impressive achievement, considering most of them suck & look unconvincing in their roles.

  33. Marshall Crist

    She has always been one bad haircut away from being Pink.

  34. bo

    I don’t know what it is that’s making her look so bad, but I think it’s a combination of the yellow teeth and just really bad makeup. the makeup job completely washes her out, and makes her look half-dead…and those teeth need to be whitened. it’s also weird that since training for the black widow her body has changed so much. it’s almost like working out made her body worse. like she seems to carry her weight in her arms and face….and her boobs are much smaller.
    she’s a beautiful girl, I think she just needs to be restyled. although I do love her dress.

  35. Brooke

    She always walked a fine line between fugly and fuckable. I thought she was hot as Black Widow, but every other time I see her I think she’s way overrated. She’s so smooshy, and kind of assymetrical. Definitely won’t age well if sh’s a heavy smoker, which I’m guessing she is by those golden choppers…

  36. TheListener

    People saying that Scarlett Johannsen looks bad in these photos reminds me of the Twilight Zone episode where the people who are considered ugly by the masses actually have pretty faces. She doesn’t look like “hell” to me.

  37. SATAN

    Through the middle part of the last decade, there wasn’t a finer piece of ass in all of hollywood… I remember reading somewhere, it might’ve been this site, that she went to a spa for a massage in like 2004 at some place where the clients are/were routinely among the most beautiful women in the world, but ScarJo literally almost shut down the place once they saw how perfect she was.

    http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Scarlett-Johansson-Posters_i3812933_.htm

    A quick google image search almost made me start jerkin it right here in the office. I’d like to point out that about 99% of her best looks involve NO lipstick and minimal hair-styling… just an observation.

  38. uiui

    Are you all blind ??? THERES ONE ONLY THING that have changed in Scarlett, HER FACE !! it’s FATTER and BLOATED, PUFFY. Can’t explain why, because she’s not fat.

  39. Scarlett Johansson We Bought A Zoo
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Ha! Looks like she’s got on Mickey Mouse ears!

  40. kel

    She never was linked to Chris Evans.

  41. Scarlett Johansson We Bought A Zoo
    Anon
    Commented on this photo:

    Don’t get it. She’s always looked like this to me. Imagine it without makeup.

  42. Melanie

    You’re an idiot you know that? It’s people like you that make celebrities’ lives hell. How can you say such terrible and disrespectful things about such a brilliant actress?What did she ever do to you?Perhaps before you start criticizing her for completely imaginary flaws you should take a look in the mirror. The reason she has a film career and you don’t might just be staring you in the face.

  43. Scarlett Johansson We Bought A Zoo
    Diamond
    Commented on this photo:

    You have to project vunatrlbiliey to be Marilyn Monroe. Johannson is more about projecting sex in a knowing way . to be Marilyn you have to be sexy and vulnerable at the same time.

  44. you're literally the worst kind of people

    are you little shits kidding me.
    are
    you
    joking.
    i mean i get that this website is called thesuperficial but jesus christ that is SCARLETT JOHANSSON.
    A woman who calls out the interviewer when the questions to her are about food and dieting and sex appeal when the other actors get deep and insightful questions. A woman who stands up for herself and others.
    I’m entirely aware that I’m wasting my time typing this but you desperately need someone to tell you that you are looking at ALL the wrong things.
    You people are sick.
    And you wonder why younger people and children have body issues.
    jfc.

  45. Uh...hmm

    I think she always looks like hell. Well, more like an average woman. Kind of like how Princess Diana was an average looking woman but people went ape shit over her because she was a princess. Scarlett’s cute/pretty whatever, but she’s not the hype that people portray her to be. Her characterization of her characters is lifeless, almost as if she’s really scared to lose herself in the scene and act. Idk, she just seems really haughty, as if she knows it all and doesn’t need to act in her movies. When her looks fade away, so will she, and that’s good because she can’t act. She is dull and lifeless, like a blowup doll that men masturbate to.

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