Samantha Ronson Got a DUI

“Officer, are ya gonna arrest me or bust my balls? My actual, physical balls. Which I have.”

Lindsay Lohan’s former lover turned perpetual stalking victim Samantha Ronson was arrested for DUI yesterday after trying to drive home from Vegas completely shit-faced, proving lesbians really do think like dudes. TMZ reports:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, Lindsay Lohan’s ex-girlfriend was driving home from Las Vegas at 10:30AM in her black Porsche when she was pulled over for speeding.
We’re told she was given a field sobriety test and didn’t perform well. According to our sources, she refused to take what is commonly called a “roadside blow” — a less-scientific breathalyzer, which is not a mandatory test. She was arrested at the scene.
Ronson was transported to the Baker substation, where we’re told she blew over the legal limit. According to sources, she was cooperative the entire time.

And of course she was cooperative. When you’ve got a Friends of Lindsay card, it’s like a lawyer in your pocket. “Ohmygod, you know Lindsay? Jimmy get these cuffs off, she knows Lindsay. Right this way to the Champagne Room, Ms. Ronson. Now would you prefer your evidence shredded or burnt?” (Anyone tries to say that’s not how California law enforcement works, I’ll fight them to the death.)

Photos: Pacific Coast News