Ryan Gosling Is Saving Women From Taxis Now

April 4th, 2012 // 26 Comments

“What do you mean you’re the killer, Taxi? I thought we was partners!”

In case women don’t want to fuck Ryan Gosling hard enough, apparently he’s saving them from taxis now because he’s some sort of dreamy knight whose breath probably smells like warm puppy kisses with a hint of cinnamon. HuffPost New York reports:

Laurie Penny– a reporter for The New Statesman, The Independent, The Guardian, Al-Jazeera, and The Nation– tweeted that she began to cross 6th Avenue while looking the other way (because Brits drive on the left side of the road) when Ryan ‘Hey Girl’ Gosling screamed, “Hey, watch out!” and grabbed her before she could be hit by an oncoming taxi.
Penny was able to confirm Baby Goose’s identity when a woman next to her said, “you lucky bitch.”

So let me get this straight, Ryan Gosling mysteriously appears in a crowd, pulls this chick out of oncoming traffic, immediately disappears just as quickly as he appeared and the only way this woman knows it was him is because some chick called her lucky which could’ve just as easily been applied to her not dying? I’m sorry, but I’m going to need to hear a little more detail before I believe Baby Goose is goddamn Superman. I’m talking, “And then some catty ho said ‘you lucky bitch’ before lifting up her skirt and knocking me down with her vaginal wetness like a motherfucking fire hydrant. I nearly drowned.” And you call yourself a reporter…

Photos: Fame/Flynet


  1. blueberry

    I would have let the cab hit me so he could perform mouth to mouth. Wrong lips gosling, wrong lips!

  2. Matty

    I didn’t like Ryan Gosling until I found out he made a folk album about zombies. Probably just because he could get away with it.

    • Jiminy Cryptic

      Well, I checked out his “music” and all I can say is that he’s no Kevin Bacon.

    • Cock n' Balllzzz

      You didn’t like him until then??? You’re such a hetero male, and I am not happy that those actually exist. In other words…..How could you not wanna fuck him?? Do you not have eyes?? WTF is wrong with you bro?

      • CranAppleSnapple

        I don’t get what people are turned on by, there. He’s got huge nostrils and his eyes are too close together. Does he smell really good or something?

  3. pix

    “I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one!”

  4. Richard McBeef

    I always get Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds confused until I see their pictures, then I remember Reynolds is the one I’d fuck.

    • Here’s the difference between the two: Ryan Reynolds is a lousy actor who is nevertheless foisted upon movie audiences as a leading man, and somehow manages to snag the likes of Scarlett Johannson and Alanis Morissette. Ryan Gosling is a very talented actor who deserves every last piece of pussy thrown at him.

      • Richard McBeef

        Bullshit and you know it, Prof. Frank. In the annals of history, Van Wilder will go down as a remarkable piece of cinema and one of the most thought provoking films of the early 21st century.

        The chemistry between Reynolds and Reid was palpable through the screen and left me with goosebumps.

        The dick wants want the dick wants. Reynolds > Gosling.

      • Not counting his cameo in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, I can honestly say that I have not seen a single Ryan Reynolds movie.

      • Richard McBeef

        Don’t start.

      • Are you sure that was chemistry you saw between Reynolds and Reid, or the gentle waft of venereal diseases emanating from Reid’s general direction?

      • It's the kimkim, bitches

        Bahahaha!! Omg, Beef, fucking dying over here!

      • Frank Burns

        And so TomFrank and McBeef continued their argument well into the evening, with the energetic discourse fueled by lasagna fritta appetizers and far too much pinot grigio at a nearby Olive Garden. While the pair never resolved which Ryan is handsomer, they did come to agree on one thing, that it is really difficult to dig a hole deep enough to safely bury a hirsute Haitian prostitute when all you want to do is vomit up discount pasta.

      • I live in New York City. Olive Garden? Fuck you.

      • Richard McBeef

        you never let me pick where we go out to dinner.

      • ^^ Comedy gold, the whole damn thread.

  5. alex

    he always has the same blank look on his face.

  6. Frank Burns

    Too bad he wasn’t around to yank me out of the theater before I paid to see “Drive”.

  7. Bet I know the diner where he’s about to sit at the counter bar.

  8. Ryan Gosling Taxi Gangster Squad
    Commented on this photo:

    Gorgeous son of a bitch.

  9. dooood

    so romantic, sounds like a real life version of that scene from the first twilight movie. i think i just ovulated.

  10. EricLr

    She forgot to add that Alexander Skarsgård then appeared out of thin air and asked her if she wanted to have sex.

  11. “And then some catty ho said ‘you lucky bitch’ before lifting up her skirt and knocking me down with her vaginal wetness like a motherfucking fire hydrant. I nearly drowned.”

    LOL! What the fuck! That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. Where do you come up with this shit? I’m not being sarcastic. Thanks a lot, dude.

  12. Funny Ryan is into ZOMBIES and his EX Angel is into Werewolves her band is Angel Mary & The Tennessee Werewolves.. do you think Eva is into Vampires?

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