Rosie O’Donnell Had A Heart Attack After Helping A Fat Woman Out Of A Car, Her Words

August 21st, 2012 // 47 Comments
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Last week Rosie O’Donnell apparently helped a woman out of a car only to find herself suffering a “Widowmaker” heart attack which not a lot of people live through. So to commemorate this momentous occasion, she blogged about it in weird poetic stanzas, so here’s an easier to read version from People:

O’Donnell said her own health problems started on Aug. 14 after she helped “an enormous woman” struggling to get out of her car in a parking lot in Nyack, N.Y.
A few hours later, her chest ached, both arms felt sore as if they were bruised, she became nauseous, and had clammy skin.
“maybe this is a heart attack,” she wrote. “i googled womens heart attack symptoms/i had many of them/but really? – i thought – naaaa.”
She took the aspirin recommended for people who think they are suffering a heart attack but didn’t call 911. She said that hundreds of thousands of women die each year of heart attacks and that many never dial the emergency number.
“by some miracle i was not one of them,” she wrote, adding: “know the symptoms ladies/listen to the voice inside/the one we all so easily ignore/CALL 911/save urself.”

Except what People left out is that Rosie’s blog post might as well have been titled, “Hey, Fat Bitch, You Almost Killed Me” because here’s the actual excerpt:

while walking in a parking lot in nyack
i heard a loud commanding voice
“can u help me”
more of a demand than request
a challenge – a plea
i turned and saw an enormous woman
struggling to get out of her car
she was stuck
“can u help me? she asked again
as i walked toward her
“oh u r rosie odonnell”
yes i am
the ghost of christmas future
me – if i did not wake
there r no accidents i thought
as i braced myself and lifted her

So if there’s a real moral to this story, it’s not that women can have heart attacks, too, and shouldn’t be afraid to call 911, it’s that you should never ask Rosie O’Donnell for help because she’ll probably almost die afterwards and call you a fat demanding behemoth on the Internet for making her be such a Good Samaritan. In fact, I remember that story ending with the Samaritan blogging about this dude he helped, too. “But, seriously, I’m not looking for attention even though that motherfucker could’ve got me killed. These things are their own reward. (Please retweet.)”

Photo: Getty

superficial

  1. USDA Prime McBeef

    Worst description of lesbian sex ever.

  2. kelly

    Moral of the Story:

    If you find Rosie O’Donnell in car suffering a heart attack – leave her alone! You may have one also pulling her out.

  3. I guess it was too much to ask for that she croak “trying” to save another fat person huh?

  4. Rico Jones

    Unfortunately this photo of Rosie is exactly what America has become. It is the perfect representation of our citizens today. Overweight, heart attack ridden and poorly dressed.

    • Yes, It's True

      You said it Rico! I can’t stand to hear any more about this “healthcare” debate. We don’t have a “healthCARE” crisis. We have a HEALTH crisis, and much of that health crisis is due to disgusting fat-asses like Rosie O’Donnell. There is a limit to how much doctors and medicine can fix regardless of technological advancement. We are rapidly approaching if not gone well past the point of no return. Americans are sicker, fatter, diabetes-er, hypertensive-er, and more cholesterol and lipid -laden than anytime in history. The human body has physical limits on how much food can be processed and we as a nation have gone past the limit. There is a saying “the elephant in the room” is the obesity epidemic. Well that elephant has been replaced by a huge, fat, disgusting, blob of a human lard-waste. Yes, fat Americans are humans that deserve respect. But I don’t have to respect your gluttonous attitude that you as a privileged American, can “get what you want, and want what you get. “(this includes not only eating food but virtually any material possession ever invented). I proudly admit I am a healthy, average -weighted person but I am disgusted to know my premium health insurance dollars (which conveniently go up every year lockstep with our expanding waistlines) are helping to pay for the healthcare expenses of the Rosie O’Donnell’s of the world. I will gladly help pay for cancer, the common cold, chicken pox, HIV, aneurysms or any other affliction that many of us get, but obesity is where I draw the line with my skinny finger to stand up to your FAT, GIGANTIC GRAVITY-WELL-INDUCING, HYPER-HUMUNGOUS, SUPER-POLYSATURED ASS.

      • USDA Prime McBeef

        You had me at, “I can’t stand to hear anymore about this”

        Then I stopped reading.

      • Rico Jones

        Well said. It is sad but being fat is becoming acceptable to most people. I eat a healthy balanced diet and I exercise regularly. It fucking drives me mental when someone tells me “eat more, you’re too skinny”. Drives me fuckin nuts. I’m not an adonis but I’m in really good shape and it is because I have healthy eating habits and I work on my body. So it drives me nuts when I hear someone tell me I don’t eat enough. And the person telling me that is always fat. I don’t know if they truly view lean muscle as unhealthy or if they just want more people to become fat like them.

      • Frank Burns

        Reading all that made me hungry.

      • Shut up, man. You don’t know me.

        But seriously, why are you willing to pay for cancer treatment but not obesity? Shouldn’t everyone quit smoking or suntanning? With my chubby, grease-stained finger, I draw the line at paying for smokers who get lung cancer and outdoors enthusiasts who get skin cancer.

        Full disclosure: I’m Canadian, so I’m really not terribly concerned about the US health care debate. I’m just procrastinating at work.

      • Rico Jones

        Because obesity is completely preventable. You can’t prevent cancer for everyone. Even non smokers can get lung cancer you fuckin retard.

      • Interesting. So, you don’t think that, with over a billion people worldwide being overweight and another 350 million obese, there’s not some kind of systemic problem? No possible link to mental health? Basically, your solution is to have nearly 1.5 billion people put their forks down. I agree that the excesses of life in the industrialized world play a significant part in the obesity epidemic, but there’s evidence for some other force at play.

        But hey, I’m a fuckin’ retard. What do I know?

      • Schmidtler

        I’d guess that at least you know how to get paid to be at work, without actually working. That’s something.

      • You should be concerned about our health-care debate, Iveski. After our Supreme Court upheld the Affordable Care Act, didn’t you see how many Americans took to Facebook to declare that they were moving to Canada in protest?

      • Yes, It's True

        Obesity is a choice for 99.99% of the obesity-afflicted population. Just like smoking and suntanning. So YES everyone SHOULD quit suntanning and smoking but that will obviously not happen. Go to any Walmart, any all-you-can-eat Buffet, or any shopping mall and the number of fatties will outweigh (no pun intended) all the lean and normal-weighted people. MOST of them are not smoking or suntanning in my face, but the lard-asses are there for all creation to witness. As a matter of public policy, reducing obesity is a noble goal. Just as reducing smoking and suntanning. But to blame all cancers on smoking and tanning beds is overly simplistic. What about leukemia, testicular cancer, breast cancer, anal cancer, retinoblastoma, and all the other tumors that arise? Most of these cancers developed through the genetic lottery and by no fault of the affllicted. So yes I stand by my statement that these are worthy of society’s healthcare dollars (and mine as well) to fight. But Obesity has a singular cause and a singular result that any 4 year old can immediately appreciate: “Look mommy, that man is so fat!!!” We need more people who think like Rico Jones. One day, and that day may have already passed, we will all have passed the national obesity threshold and our nation will crumble under its own weight, physical and financial.

      • I love that 99.99% statistic – it’s so precise. Pray tell, where did you get that number?

        Furthermore, I would argue that people who take care of themselves, eat right and exercise tend to live longer than obese people, which puts them at greater risk of developing debilitating mental conditions – Alzheimer’s, dementia, etc. which are equally burdensome on the health care system. The mind is gone but the body requires continued care. Frankly, I’m doing your precious health care premiums a favor by being a lard-ass.

        There are no easy answers, is what I’m saying.

      • Yes, It's True

        Excuse me, i meant to say 99.998%. I want to make sure I include that last sig -fig for accuracy’s sake. Where did I get that number? Well let me check my sources. Oh yes, I pulled it out of my normal-sized ass. The 99.99 was meant to convey hyperbole not literal truth. Being a self-described lardass, are you even able to reach YOUR asshole? That’s a good litmus test to see if you passed the morbidly obese threshold. No more BMI, no more body-fat percentages, just “can you physically reach your asshole with your own hand?” I know these arguments with you are futile since you have accepted being fat as “normal” and acceptable and obviously make no apologies. But I will continue to rail. There is no mystery, systemic or otherwise. You eat too much, you get fat. It’s all in the food. Cheap, easily-accessible, calorie-dense, plentiful food. You go on over-eating and keep making the case it’s all right to be fat, and I will go on eating less and make the case that’s more right to be not so fat. I know within 10-20 years I will be on the losing end of this argument since the fatties will dominate the nation but I will rage against the dying of the light (and by “light” I mean not heavy.)

      • Inmate 12236969

        I tell you what people can talk about the evils of cigarettes but those smokers pay a lot of fucking taxes buying them.

      • Man, this topic makes you cranky. I’m 6′ tall and weigh 240lbs which means I have a BMI of 32.5 – officially obese – and FYI, I pass your litmus test, though I’ll be sure never to wear a Speedo around you, lest I offend your delicate sensibilities.

      • Rico Jones

        Yes It’s True. The funny thing is that even though people like you and I are disgusted by the lazy over eaters in this country we should want them to continue their awful habits. The fatter people get the better we will look by comparison. So I actually love seeing obesity on the rise. They will continue to get uglier and I will continue to get better looking.

  5. in other words – Rosie had a heart attack getting out of her car.

    • Burt

      I think it’s supposed to be understood as a self-deprecating joke. I know it’s hard to believe, but she used to be a pretty good comedian.

    • Burt

      Not the sharpest knife in the drawer?

      It was obviously a joke; maybe even a wink at Phyllis Diller, the queen of self-deprecating humor, who just died.

  6. God bless the ol' US of A

    Fat American ‘helps’ an even fatter American out of a car, then bitches about it. Thinks she’s having a heart attack so instead of getting help goes to Google instead.

    THEN tries to make out it’s not her fault at all with some God awful poetry!

    Yeah.

    • Yes, It's True

      Excellent observation. You basically summarized the core problem plaguing our country: an American having their cake, eating it, and blaming someone else for the consequences.

  7. It’s the “(Please retweet.)” that makes that art.

  8. RosieShouldDie

    She is just trash and a useless piece of shit! To bad her heart attack was not fatal, or better yet, she should have a stroke that left her hemiplegic, dysphagic, aphasic but with her mind fully there! I despise this useless blob of shit. Do us a favor and die already!

  9. Arlene

    There is one word that I would have loved to see in that post. That word is “fatal”.

  10. Sandusky

    fatties gotta stick together

  11. Ok, sorry to disappoint anyone but this isn’t Rosie O’Donnell. This is a woman who works with hundreds of other wonderful people of an organization called “Kids of Courage” and they orchestrate the most amazing annual weeklong trip for hundreds of terminally ill and disabled children and young adults. (It says so on her hat and shirt). The photographer obviously was mistaken and Kids of Courage happens to be in California for there week long adventure. This woman may not be everyones cup of tea but what she is doing is pretty awesome. So, basically, these pictures have nothing to do with Rosie. Hope this clears things up.

    • Fred Garvin

      Lay off the bong water ass kisser.

      • Frank The Duck

        HaHa , so true Freddie.
        An easy mistake as all fat people look alike and to be honest who really cares? Eat yourself into a disability and expect me to step oh so quietly around your sloth and avarice?

        By the way DYM in English it would be “their week long..”

      • Oh, good! You read my post!

    • TRUTH

      DYM, thanx for posting. You are correct, this is not Rosie. Aside from the obvious and stupid mistake the photographer made, I hope you realize you are dealing with moronic imbiciles here on this site. The crudeness, vulgarity, and stupidity speaks volumes of our society. Shame on all the disgusting remarks, Rosie being targeted or not. And at the end of the day, KIDS OF COURAGE was where these pics were taken and it is the most incredible organization under the sun. Maybe some if the ignorant fools who chose to spend their time bashing people for their weight and sexual preferences should take the time to Google this organization and see what real life is all about.

  12. Carolyn

    She’s hot.

  13. Frank The Duck

    Lovely quote and so true – “she became nauseous” She has always been nauseous and I find that she has always nauseated me because of it. Way to go People Mag – you might want to hire some English speakers going forward….

  14. Who's your mama

    If the fat bitch ain’t dead, I have no interest.

  15. Ben

    Too bad the disgusting bitch didn’t die.

  16. Ben

    So your telling me that there is a chick out there somewhere that wants to eat that out every night? No fucking way.

  17. Nicole

    This is not Rosie… She’s wearing a skirt and has lip stick on.. Take a look everyone.

  18. I can’t believe this disgustingly fat, ugly, shrill, loud-mouthed diesel dyke has been famous for over 20 years now. I was hoping that she would have died long ago, preferably by being covered with ketchup and dropped into an African village.

  19. So she had a heart attack?

    So I guess eating fish isn’t good for you after all.

  20. Joe Blow

    So, shouldn’t the title have been: “Rosie O’Donnell Had A Heart Attack After Helping Herself Out Of A Car, Her Words”?

  21. The Royal Penis

    Muff diving for popcorn shrimp obviously raised her cholesterol to the point at which her heart said, “Jesus, couldn’t you just be happy with cramming donuts down your throat? Fuck you.”

  22. Mike

    Rosie O’Donnell is the same person who told one of her worker bees at her now defunct magazine that the reason the worker had cancer was bacause she was a bad person.

    I wonder what Rosie did to earn herself a heartattack?

  23. harshfucker

    Too bad that whole dying thing didn’t work out.

  24. KOC2012

    This is not Rosie!!! The woman is someone who lives in LA and has dedicated month of volunteer work for the organization KIDS OF COURAGE. Rosie wishes she could be this woman. For all you haters out there, you wouldn’t be able to handle one second of the work this woman does for KIDS OF COURAGE. This article is false, the only thing true is the pictures showing a wonderful woman volunteering for a wonderful organization. THE WOMAN IS NOT ROSIE O’ DONNELL

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