Robert Pattinson Isn’t The New Indiana Jones

Rupert Sanders’ car belongs in a museum!”

Because England is a silly place, the British tabloids started a rumor that Robert Pattinson would be the new Indiana Jones which the Internet went fucking batshit over because everyone remembers when Powder played Young Indiana Jones. (I have my finger on the pulse of the people.) Except our long online nightmare is over because E! News has confirmed none of that shit is happening. However, they wouldn’t mind seeing Indy played by Jax Teller, Not Thor or Clint Eastwood’s son which all sound ridiculous until you realize none of them are Shia LaBeouf. “Dude, I’m telling you, if an archaeologist in the 1940s had access to a dick cam, he’d use it to fight Hitler. It’s method, bro.”

Photos: Splash News