Rihanna Admits To Rolling Stone She’s Dating Chris Brown Again Because He’s Changed

January 30th, 2013 // 27 Comments
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Seen here following my psychic instructions to the letter and posting it to Instagram – Alright, now make your friend put on the Boba Fett helmet while you go, “Mmm, I bet you want that carbonite…” – Rihanna has finally confirmed to Rolling Stone that she’s back together with Chris Brown because he’s “different now” with “now” of course being before he got in a fight with Frank Ocean over a parking space and called himself Jesus which makes all of this even more hilariously sad:

“When you add up the pieces from the outside, it’s not the cutest puzzle in the world,” Rihanna says. “You see us walking somewhere, driving somewhere, in the studio, in the club, and you think you know. But it’s different now. We don’t have those types of arguments anymore. We talk about shit. We value each other. We know exactly what we have now, and we don’t want to lose that.”

But don’t worry. Rihanna’s not a complete idiot. She knows to run if he fucks up again:

And Rihanna says that if Brown were ever to display a hint of his past behavior towards her, she is ready to walk. “He doesn’t have the luxury of fucking up again,” she says. “That’s just not an option. I can’t say that nothing else will ever go wrong. But I’m pretty solid in the knowing that he’s disgusted by that. And I wouldn’t have gone this far if I ever thought that was a possibility.”

“But believe me,” she added, “he does not want to see what I’ll do if he murders me like he always talks- I mean, jokes about. I’ll haunt that motherfucker so hard. Be like, ‘Oh, what’s that? You want some nice toast with your breakfast? POW! Burnt that shit with my ghost magic, son! Waddup?’ Write that down.”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. Rihanna Nipple See Through Dress Playhouse Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    looks like the door man was horrified by the mole…

  2. Rapsutin's Evil Twin

    Looks like someone’s a bit confused about how to work the doulbe-headed dildo, but they might be onto something here. Could we get some video of this, and some popcorn, please?

    It must be hell being her staff and thinking, “These may be the last moments of her life” every minute of the day.

  3. Mybunnygoboom

    “Murder me like he always talks about”? My goodness. SMH.

  4. JC

    “And Rihanna says that if Brown were ever to display a hint of his past behavior towards her, she is ready to walk.”

    She then added, “Well, when I say ‘walk,’ I mean that metaphorically. It’s likely that he’ll beat me until I’m unconscious, or worse. But hen I’ll roll right out of his life on a gurney, youknowwhatimsayin’?”

  5. Kat

    We all know that Rihanna is not the sharpest tool in the toolbelt but this just shows us what a dumbass she really is. I hope this ruins her career because i’m more than tired of Rihanna, her songs, and her guest vocals on every rapper’s album.

  6. Annie

    At this point I don’t care what happens to her. First she says it’s nobody’s business and then she posts pictures on Instagram saying ‘what, u mad?’ No, I’m not the one with a broken jaw and bruises all over my body. I’m not the one having to lie to the police. So live your life. Nothing can stop a person from being a complete fuck up. If that’s what she wants she can have it.

  7. She will just have to hide it the next time he hits her so as not to prove everybody right.

    Yep, live your life… while you still have it.

  8. Cock Dr

    To borrow another poster’s phrase…I am completely out of fucks to give for her.
    We can only pray they don’t breed.
    And don’t come to my town and hoover up all the good weed.

  9. The Royal Penis

    Wth is up with this picture? Is this the promotional poster for Human Centipede 3, where people are sewn together ass to ass instead of ass to mouth?

    Maybe it’s Japanese poo porn, battle of the turds or something?

  10. catapostrophe

    In her defense, maybe she can’t do any better.

  11. Jade

    Rihanna is dating SissyChrissy because he *hasn’t* changed. Rihanna likes the “thug life” (see finger tattoo), and finds nothing wrong with SissyChrissy and him being thuggy with her or anyone else.

  12. Deacon Jones

    The next time he snaps, he’s going to maim her face and genitals, like what happened to that one lady.

  13. “We talk about shit.”

    LOL glad to see their relationship is mature and deep.

  14. Ali

    The only thing that has changed is that Rhianna knows not to try to peep his phone.

  15. Frank Burns

    Kudos to Rihanna for achieving the impossible! Your abject stupidity in romantic decision making, made with no discernible thought for your physical, mental, or emotional health, has rendered the following equation not only possible, but accurate:

    Rational behavior: Lindsay Lohan > Rihanna

    • Veronika Larsson

      That sound was the Universe breaking. Not even Einstein saw this one coming.

    • Rapsutin's Evil Twin

      You, sir, win the internet for the rest of the week. We, the sorry lot of commentators and mud-slingers here at The Superficial salute your logic.

  16. This woman has the brain power of a bruised avocado.

  17. Officially the dumbest bitch on the face of the planet. She just continues to embarrass herself on a daily basis.

  18. anonym

    I would love to see her with a black eye.

    Chris, beat that shit up, then take a gun to your head and pull the trigger

  19. BSName

    Seriously? “He’s changed” ?
    You should get beat up just for not coming up with a better lie.

    “He’s changed” is usually filed next to:
    The check is in the mail
    I wont cum in your mouth
    If I come up with any other good ones you’ll hear about it. Have a good one
    Sure, I have my own place.
    Of course that’s my car.
    I’m from the government and I’m here to help you.
    It’s not you, it’s me.
    Yes, I’ve been tested.
    I can quit anytime
    You’re the best I’ve ever had
    I love the gift
    I love you

  20. “But it’s different now” she said, “he never hits me in the face anymore, and I’m a quick healer, so the bruises go away after a day or two.”

  21. tlmck

    Chris has changed. This time he will kill her instead of just beating her.

  22. Hopefully her time in the spotlight is coming to an end. I am completely sick of her.

  23. Who cares what that overrated hood rat does? She’s deserves everything she gets.

  24. Rihanna Nipple See Through Dress Playhouse Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    nice uns

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