Rihanna Admits To Rolling Stone She’s Dating Chris Brown Again Because He’s Changed

Seen here following my psychic instructions to the letter and posting it to Instagram – Alright, now make your friend put on the Boba Fett helmet while you go, “Mmm, I bet you want that carbonite…” – Rihanna has finally confirmed to Rolling Stone that she’s back together with Chris Brown because he’s “different now” with “now” of course being before he got in a fight with Frank Ocean over a parking space and called himself Jesus which makes all of this even more hilariously sad:

“When you add up the pieces from the outside, it’s not the cutest puzzle in the world,” Rihanna says. “You see us walking somewhere, driving somewhere, in the studio, in the club, and you think you know. But it’s different now. We don’t have those types of arguments anymore. We talk about shit. We value each other. We know exactly what we have now, and we don’t want to lose that.”

But don’t worry. Rihanna’s not a complete idiot. She knows to run if he fucks up again:

And Rihanna says that if Brown were ever to display a hint of his past behavior towards her, she is ready to walk. “He doesn’t have the luxury of fucking up again,” she says. “That’s just not an option. I can’t say that nothing else will ever go wrong. But I’m pretty solid in the knowing that he’s disgusted by that. And I wouldn’t have gone this far if I ever thought that was a possibility.”

“But believe me,” she added, “he does not want to see what I’ll do if he murders me like he always talks- I mean, jokes about. I’ll haunt that motherfucker so hard. Be like, ‘Oh, what’s that? You want some nice toast with your breakfast? POW! Burnt that shit with my ghost magic, son! Waddup?’ Write that down.”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Pacific Coast News, Splash News