Reese Witherspoon is Probably Pregnant

July 13th, 2011 // 75 Comments

Over the past few weeks, Reese Witherspoon has looked like this and this despite being a jogging enthusiast who looked like this just before getting married to Jim Toth. Which probably explains why she really didn’t want to be photographed leaving her doctor’s office yesterday with a prominent baby bump that I’m sure we’ll all hear is another attack by the angles and weird shirt conglomerate. However, keep in mind Reese Witherspoon is 35, and if she’s going to have another kid, now’s the time to do it without.. how do I put this sensitively? Shatting a retard baby like Sarah Palin did. Which is probably the least inflammatory way I could’ve said that. I’m like a pregnant lady whisperer, soothing my herd. “Shhh, there, there, cow. There, th- Oh, God, stampede! WHAT DID I SAY?!”

Photos: INFdaily, Splash News

superficial

  1. “shitting a retard”… perfectly genteel

  2. Jill_Ess

    Didn’t she sue the last guy that called her pregnant?

  3. ZigZagZoey

    Sure looks like it. Can’t wait to do the math, it’s probably why she got married.
    Just saw a pic of Paris Hilton looking almost as big as this (on ICYDK). Gag, we do not need Paris reproducing.

  4. Mark

    Shatting a retard? Low, even for this site. Plus, not funny. Site needs new writers.

    • Lovemypussyhairthick

      We all know this is a liberal site. But Slyvester Stallone has a (what you call a retarded child). Why pick on Sarah Palin? There’s alot women who have kids over 40 and don’t have mentally challenged children. Someone needs a timeout from there writing in the corner.

      • TomFrank

        Stallone’s son is autistic, which I don’t think has anything to do with the age of the mother when she gives birth, so your analogy is inapt. But even if it weren’t, Sarah Palin is surely the most famous mother of a Down’s Syndrome child. I can’t think of any other celebrities who I know have children with DS, and certainly none of them has trotted one in front of the cameras as much as Palin has. So, yes, Sarah Palin is the go-to example of a mother of a child with Down’s Syndrome.

      • Since “Slyvester” Stallone’s child is autistic, his former wife didn’t have kids when she was over 35, and he never dragged any of his kids into the public eye, substituting him for Sarah Palin goes nowhere fast – but thanks for playing.

        Because Down’s syndrome is a chromosomal abnormality, which autism is not, there’s a far greater risk of it occuring in later-in-life pregnancies, which is why “alot women who have kids over 40″ are advised to get amniocentesis, which is NOT such an issue for younger expectant mothers. ” Alot women over who have kids over 40 don’t have mentally challenged children”, but then some women over 40 choose to terminate pregnancies when there’s birth defects involved. The risk for Down’s for a woman of 45 is roughly 1 in every 30 pregnancies – not great odds, so define “alot”, wouldja?

        And if “not having a stick up the ass” = “liberal”, fine – I’ll go with that.
        Or I will just as soon as you tell me what the political equivalent is for a humorless douchebag who doesn’t know “there” from “their”.

      • Nicetry

        Hey “Doctor” thanks for playing… 1 in 30 odds aren’t bad? Those are considered catastrophic odds in medicine. Moron. And do you know why the numbers are so “low”? Because most women’s eggs are so screwed up at that age that the embryo is about as viable as you are intelligent. If you are going to knock someone on an internet forum, atleast use wikipedia correctly. What a joke

    • Obvious Troll

      If you don’t like it the GTFO.

      • MILF

        Justifiable, since you aspire to be a spelling queen like myself, I’d like to point out that:
        A) It is spelled “Down Syndrome”, not “Down’s”
        and
        B) A lot is two words.

        Kisses!

      • TomFrank

        It can be either Down Syndrome or Down’s Syndrome. Look it up.

        For the sake of consistency—like Alzheimer’s Disease, Kaposi’s Sarcoma—I prefer the possessive version.

      • MILF, if you read it again, you’ll notice that “alot” and “Alot women etc.” is in quotes. That’s because
        A) I know how to spell “a lot” which the previous poster I was referring to doesn’t,
        and
        B) if you didn’t pick up on that, forget about aspiring to being a spelling queen, because you’ve totally missed the point in a forest-for-the-trees sort of thing.

        TomFrank has already taken have of the Down-Down’s thing most capably. Consider yourself gently admonished – you got off lucky. This time.

        Kisses.

    • I agree — crossed the line. Let’s make fun of the celebuidiots, not the children of them.

      • MrsWrong

        BTW, not that I have EVER brought It up BUT, but my son is HowYOUsay, Retarded? My friend was over 35 and had an Autistic child, Jenny McCarthy, Brendan Frasier and (no one talks about it cause he had the “Scientology Magic” but…) even John Travolta’s deceased son was rumored to be challenged. Also, I heard that’s why Johnny Depp is such a recluse(not him, his kid). There are a lot of reasons to have an amniocenblahblahblah, but sometimes that can CAUSE the issue in kids. Especially in youger moms. BTW…Speaking(for once and then I’ll drop it) as a handicapped kid’s mom I would like to say Palin kinda HIDES her kid. She could do a lot for awareness with that big ass(ignorant) mouth of hers. It’s hard carrying a weight like this. I find myself coming to places like this to blow of my mean. But, If I dont laugh, I cry…or stab someone ;O) j/k)

  5. required

    You are funny, I admit, but I think you will end up alone forever.

    • Dan

      Are you kidding? Guys who can say stuff like this with a straight face usually have throngs of women coming after them because they want to be the one to break him of his wily ways or something like that.

  6. jlover

    did-a-chick dum-a-chum dad-a-cham ded-a-check! Right?

  7. RoboZombie

    “There, there cow”??? LMAO!
    Anyway, she just has gas…I’d stay away from here until she blows that out.

  8. How is the SyFy channel taking it? Is Ryan Phillipe still going to be able to keep their next movie on schedule? “Ryan, Ryan, come out of your trailer, we’re running late and these Gatorsaurus special effects are going to take at least a week of post.”

  9. Annie

    The writing on this site used to be funny, now it is as if an eighth grader is behind the keyboard. You have officially jumped the shark. Time to give it up if making fun of retarded children is the best you can do.

    • retarded children are hilarious. I don’t know why you hate them, but some of us don’t hide them in the closet and pretend they don’t exist. we treat them like we treat everyone else…like people. People we’re making fun of.

      • cc

        There’s tons of photoshopped pics of retards about to get done in, by rally cars for example, and everyone laughs at those.

        Grow a hide people.

    • PoorMaryKelly

      Damn! You really hate retarded kids? You need a soul!

    • McFeely is an idiot himself, so just don’t look at him and keep walking.

    • coming in here late to respond. but so far this site hasn’t jumped the shark. it’s in poor taste. but many people do call women who have a belly sticking out pregnant wether they are or not.

  10. Banastre Trent - Holmesworth

    She appears to have suffered the consequences of sexual congress, and I might add , I suspect the sexual congress may have occurred before her nuptials

  11. The Critical Crassness

    To put it as mildly as I can….Who gives a fuck? First a story about Rodney King getting arrested and then some supposition that a married woman of child bearing years is pregnant…..Fish has shat out a retarded little bundle of …..well, SHIT!

  12. bonerspunk

    C’mon Fish….you never go full retard!

    Shatting an autistic half-tard would be more subtle

  13. DLS

    Shatting a retard? Come on. I love the rawness of this site but…that’s a bit much even for me.

  14. JC

    What’s with all the FIsh hate? Did a whole bunch of people get redirected here from http://www.only-high-falutin-topics.com? Lighten up, retard-shitting cows. It’s a celebrity gossip site.

  15. TVisme

    Not funny at all – step it up a notch or two –Please!

  16. Makkatt

    Usually love your stuff, Fish, but you went too far with this one.

  17. Venom

    Palin and her ghost baby that no one ever saw her pregnant with. lol
    Damn well know that baby is the daughter’s also, that is why she was out of high school for two years.
    It probably has the symptoms that it has because either the father or the brother knocked her up.

  18. Coyote

    Come on you guys, everyone knows it is just a bad fitting shirt and strange lighting

  19. Long Time Reader

    I have been reading your site since 2006 and have referred many people to your webpage over the years. I’m not a politically motivated person, but your comment on Sarah Palin’s child really disappointed me and made me ashamed to be a reader of this site. Please remove the statement or I will discontinue reading and promoting your blog.

    • Such drama! Will Fish give in to the demands? Will Long Time Reader pack up his things and go? Will Reese be spotted with a bag full of wire coat hangers? Are they for her, or is she sending them to the cast of Teen Mom?Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion!

      The Superficial – Where you pay for the whole seat, but you only use the edge.™

    • Ponkur

      I’ve been reading this site for THIRTY FIVE YEARS (so my opinion is worth more than yours) and I love jokes made about those little ‘tards.

    • cc

      This is the kind of decisiveness we need to deal with the debt ceiling.

  20. David Berkowitcz

    Why so serious? Fish makes a valid point about the consequences of older women having babies and the statistical increase in babies with Downs Syndrome . He just dit it in a tasteless , sophomoric way , which I enjoy .
    It’s Funny!
    If you need taste and normative comments , I’m sure US today people would be the right destination

    • MammaMia

      “older women”?!? she’s only 35, people, get a grip!
      and it’s not like it’s her first child, most of the statistics quoted here are based on first time moms being over 40-45. she’ll have a nice healthy baby and she’s already a great mom.

  21. Cactus

    And we all thought she was just getting fat! Who knew.

  22. Sherwood Schwartz

    Maybe you should go on a three – hour tour , if the babies comment is so offensive . There is no bad taste – actually no real taste at all on Gilligan’s Island

  23. Sherwood Schwartz

    I came up out of my grave for this ?

  24. maeby

    That was too harsh dude. That’s fucked up. I’ve been coming here for 7 years and this is the worst that’s come out of you. Not cool man. Sarah Palin’s an asshole, but even she doesn’t deserve that.

  25. Dr. Spock

    It is a well know medical fact that the chances of having a mongoloid baby increase once the mother is over 40. Women’s bodies were designed by God to have babies in their teens to their late twenties to have the greatest chance of having a healthy baby. Duh!

    • The chances of a woman over 40 having a “mongoloid” baby are exactly nil unless she fucked a guy from Mongolia 9 months previously.

      But good to know that Sarah Palin deliberately flouted God’s plan by insisting that her will, not His, be done.

  26. Reese Witherspoon Pregnant
    AW
    Commented on this photo:

    P-Shopped!

  27. NTT

    The kid is NOT Sarah Palin’s. You dumb F*ck.

  28. Billy Barty, Jr

    Does she like little people ?

  29. Jackie

    I can only hope that the pimply-assed fuck-tard that now writes this site while he’s masturbating to Ted Kennedy and Obama finally gets his mom pregnant and has a “retard” baby as well.

  30. NTT

    Google pictures of her in a bikini from back when she was with Jake G. She has a serious pouch despite working out as she does. I

  31. Stuart Le Chiffere

    She desperately looking for some cranberry juice

  32. Done and Done

    Last time I will read this site. That “retard” comment was way over the line. Karma is the great equalizer, so get ready for yours. Don’t bother commenting on this, I won’t be back to read it.

  33. Pissed Mom

    How dare you call ANY child a retard!!!! I don’t care how you feel about Sarah Palin, but calling a child who did nothing wrong such a terrible thing is not okay. If I had a special needs child, and even though I don’t, I’d be very hurt. People like you who encourage the use of this word make me sick. Shame on you.

    • Your Gynecologist

      That’s retarded.

    • cc

      Oh please, ‘special needs’ is newspeak crap. Retard far more accurately describes the condition(s) than ‘special needs’.

    • EmmaWatson's Vagina

      That’s retarded is right. A retarded child is called retarded. even by the social workers. A special needs child can be anything from autism, emotional disturbances or some physical crippling disease such as the various MDs ,MS ,etc.

  34. Mrs Toth is a JOKE!!!

    Jim Toth is gay so either he got really liquored up and stuck it in her or put his little swimmy fellows in a cup! Either way, they are both fugly as hell and that child will be short, have an over bite, big ass head, hairy bastard!!!!!

  35. kimmykimkim

    She’s not pregnant. Her ass is just on backwards.

  36. InTheIndustry

    The last several times she has been seen leaving the doctors, she has that brown bag. Think she might be doing a turkey baster type thing. She has said in an article that is floating around the internet that they have been trying for awhile now and that her and Toth pray every night for pregnancy. To my understanding, Toth batted for both teams but more towards men.

  37. Cristina

    How incredibly immature & asinine to say something about how old someone is to have a baby then make a disparaging remark about Sarah Palins kid. Guess that’s the only way you can keep readers. Remember what happened to Perez…what comes around goes around! Smh!

  38. Joyce

    First and last time I will visit this site. I don’t know which was worse-the crude comment by the writer or the illiterate, profanity-laden comments. Even the writers’ handles are obscene. What a bore.

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