Ray J Wrote A Song About Kim Kardashian

April 8th, 2013 // 62 Comments
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Seen here thinking James And The Giant Peed-On Peach is an appropriate outfit to wear to Jesus’s house, Kim Kardashian is apparently something rappers brag about having sex with now because Ray J just released his new single “I Hit It First” which, in his defense, is a great way to make everyone forget he was using Whitney Houston for a sugar mama, so well played. Anyway, here are the lyrics via TMZ:

She might move on to rappers and ballplayers
But we all know I hit it first.
I had her head going North and her ass going South
But now baby chose to go West
No matter where she goes or who she knows
She still belongs in my bed.

Setting aside the fact Kim was, oh I dunno, married before letting her mom film her sex tape with Ray J, this seems like the sort of thing Kanye West probably won’t respond well to. Turns out he mostly doesn’t give a shit. Hollywood Life reports:

We should probably stop hoping for Kanye to release a diss track of his own (that battle wouldn’t even be fair). Instead, don’t expect much of a response from Kim and Kanye, as Ray J fades back into obscurity.
“Tell him to call Ye when he gets to the $100-million mark,” our source concludes. “Cause guess what — Ye ‘hit that’ first.”

“So you’re not at all upset he’s talking about the mother of your child?”
“The who of my what now? Oh, shit, that’s right. I knew there was something I was forgetting about. What was her name again?”
“Kim Kardashian.”
“Pretty sure you made that name up. But whatever, yo, we in Paris. Makin’ ART.” *spins turntable with a croissant*

How that really went.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News


  1. Timmy Toot-toot

    “I hit it i hit it i hit it, i hit it first” I don’t think anyone cares Ray-J


    HAHAHAHAA!! Kim shouldnt be pissed (YES! I USED THAT WORD!) .. I mean, its all because of Ray J she is famous. Famous for a SEX TAPE! Deal with it Kimbo! She walks around with some strange sense of entitlement and ego, thanks to her own narcissism and dumb fans who strangely look up to her! She didnt save the world! she just made a pornographic tape

    • Clinton

      NarcissistkIM is always P I S S Y
      - Vulgar. Soiled with or reeking of urine./ inferior, nasty, or disagreeable.

  3. MD2020

    So, we’re supposed to call him “Ye” now? Is that a thing?

  4. Randal(l)

    Big Deal, I hit it 475,231st. Man that was one crazy Tuesday

    She’s a big fat whore, I guess is what I’m trying to say


  5. Tard

    Spoiler alert: Kris Jenner paid him to do this.

  6. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    They should let her out into the fields. More exercise would be good for her and the green grass would make a stunning backdrop to that peach tent softly draped over her wobbling udders, gut and haunches.

  7. Jenny

    James and the Giant Peed-On Peach = Best Line I’ve Ever Read

  8. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    If she held her arms and legs out, she’d be a much less sexy version of Patrick from “SpongeBob Squarepants.”

  9. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    So Ray J wrote a song about her, called “There’s a fat cow, giving birth in my backyard”. Why should we care?

  10. I’m sick of this pissbag saying shit like, “Everyone’s calling me fat. People are so cruel to pregnant women.”

    Listen, KK. People aren’t cruel to you because you’re pregnant. People are cruel to you because you’re a cunt.

  11. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    Isn’t this ironic? Large pink thing going into a black opening.

  12. I would never openly admit to having sex with Kim Kardashian. You’re going to have to take me to court and provide some DNA evidence.

  13. Deacon Jones

    (sitting in smoking jacket, reading thick book. Removes pipe from mouth, glances up over bifocals)

    “And…how does ones head go North and ass South? Indeed…”

  14. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet these flowy, baggy pant things won’t make my ass look 3x as big as it is. Right? RIGHT??

  15. “I hit it first.” That week? Or with pee?

  16. “But we all know I hit it first.”

    Oh boy…Kanye, we need to talk. Maybe you should sit down, because this might be hard to hear.


    imagine kim and kanye your parents!

  18. “I Hit it First (for a given value of First. I mean honestly, you’ve all seen her mom. You know she was whoring that girl out to OJ and anyone else that had money at like 14. But on video, I was the first one. At least the first one that was able to be released to the public without any statutory allegations. Yes, that’s it. I was her first legal age sex tape.)”

  19. Hairy Pelosi

    You know what? FUUUCK Obama.

  20. Ian

    Do the rest of RayJ’s lyrics go into how she sucked her own shit-smear off his dick after he buggered her asshole?
    How about urinating on her afterwards to wash her off?

  21. The B-Side is titled “Call Me Patient Zero”.

  22. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    Seriously! grow up SlutKim, pregnant woman do not have their breasts hanging out.

  23. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    Hugh Jazz
    Commented on this photo:

    Oompa Loompa doo pah dee dwat
    What’s Kim Kardashian stashed in her…

  24. mimi


  25. Big difference between “first” and “before you”

    It’s like arguing about being 12,323 or 13,642 place in the Boston Marathon.

  26. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    oh i know
    Commented on this photo:

    we’re gonna need a bigger bag…..

  27. Knowing this awful family, I would not be surprised if Kanye wrote this song with Kris Jenner’s blessing of course.

  28. Robocop

    Looks like the circus is back in town!!! This comes two days after her slim-jim pic showing her baby bump which was probably shot 3 months ago!!! Does this dumb bi**ch think we’re as dumb as she and her baby daddy are??!! Go hide yourself, lard-ass, we’re all sick of you!!

  29. anonymous

    I’m pretty sure Kanye gives zero fucks considering he told everyone including Kim that he watch (and fapped) to the sextape about a billion times.

    And I don’t think he was watching it for Kim.

  30. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    unrequited love
    Commented on this photo:

    Going to Church? To see if her unborn spawn was the Anti- Christ ?
    Between her lard ass and the stench of the hideous sulfur – belching hell flames , I’m surprised there was not a recorded earthquake

  31. ali

    Lowest of the low to pick on a pregnant women.

    Stupid magazines that stupid people read

  32. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    Hindenburg reincarnated.

  33. Queef Sister

    Wasn’t ‘Old McDonald Had a Farm’ written about her too? Mooooooo-queeef-fart

  34. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    i stil don’t get it. where’s the baby bump?

  35. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    Wtf?! I have no problem with her weight gain, she’s never been a skinny girl, you can tell she has to work on her weight all the time, and she’s pregnant, pregnant women gain weight. But seriously what is with her outfits?! Kim look in the mirror

  36. lawn

    There’s already a song about her. It’s called “The Wabash Cannonball.”

  37. This will nothing compared to his next song “I Hit it Last” about Whitney Houston.

  38. She’s going to have an easy birth, anyway. Those hips could pass an adult head.

  39. Huh?

    “I hit it first” by Ray J???
    I thought this was about the new Chris Brown album he has dedicated to Rihanna.

  40. Kisses4Katie

    Um, when is she actually going to look pregnant as opposed to just a fat fuckin cow? I still don’t see an actual ‘bump’, she just looks like a lard ass. Who knows, maybe there won’t be a baby. Or maybe she’ll pull a Beyonce and ‘act’ like she had a baby but it’s really kanye’s mistress as the surrogate O.O

  41. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    At least she is trying to work out, more than I can say for most women carrying a baby of color…Looks like she will be chasing Kanye around the strip clubs, trying to get a baby payment…You know he be chasing the white girls…Or he is in Paris setting up a child prostitution ring, which is most likely the case.

  42. Tinka

    WHAT ON EARTH possessed her to wear that thing?

  43. Kim Kardashian Fat Weight Gain Pregnant Peach Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    hilarious, she ‘s got no mirror?

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