Rachel Uchitel in a Bikini and Other News

April 13th, 2011 // 69 Comments

“This looks worth a $100 million divorce settlement.” – Tiger Woods’ erection.

- Kim Kardashian is Jennifer Love Hewitt now. [Popeater]

- Michael Douglas is probably not a huge fan of greed now. [Huffington Post]

- Jennifer Lopez is the world’s most beautiful woman. Apparently People magazine isn’t familiar with Minka Kelly or anyone under 40 in general. [Dlisted]

- On that note, Genevieve Morton must be an alien then. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Gwyneth Paltrow and Jay-Z interviewed each other. Swell. [Lainey Gossip]

- Katy Perry‘s breasts will now sell shampoo. [DrunkenStepfather: NSFW]

- Celebrities with Steve Buscemi‘s eyes: Embrace the horror. [theCHIVE]

- There’s just no way PETA won’t have a problem with this. [The Fab Life]

- Donald Trump returns fire on Bill Cosby. [Bossip]

- John Travolta admits his love for sweat-hogs. [Fox 411]

- Lily Aldridge will make some lucky guy extremely happy some day. [Popoholic]

- The 20 Hottest Photos Of Dania Ramirez [Heavy]

- Top 50 Hottest Tall Chicks in Sports [Bleacher Report]

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Photos: Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. Sen

    Ugggghh

  2. Tiger is jacking off, as we speak.

    • TigerFriend

      No he’s not…Blacks are the most beautiful people in the world. What are you looking for in this pig alike lady?

  3. $10 million dollars never looked so cheap.

  4. Wishbone

    Ugh! Whore.

  5. Richard McBeef

    when my wife stops giving up her grade A swedish pussy and/or my children ruin it, I think I would use my massive wealth and fame and aim for at least grade B or C pussy rather than just hit whatever came within my dick’s kill radius.

  6. Uchitel’s less attractive than half of those Buscemi chicks

  7. Deacon Jones

    You know, she doesnt seem like that big of a bitch after watching her on Celebrity Rehab.

    And I think she looks hot. But, I have a thing for borderline skanks. Suzie Homemaker laying on her back doesnt do it for me.

  8. Mr Obvious

    She must give some good head because I wouldn’t have gave up Elin for that. What the hell did Tiger do in the bedroom that required him to pay her off? Dirty sanchez, midget orgy?

  9. # Not as rough as we think are we?

    This means tiger woods saw Gloria Allred as more terrifying than Steve Buscemis eyes…

  10. Fartblossum

    Wow. That face. Those puffy lips. Those big veneered teeth. Those fake inflated tits. That orange skin. That constant shameless self-promotion. Everything about her screams “class.”

  11. ahole

    Truth be told, I’d hit it….

  12. Senor VonBonBons III

    Now we know why she CONSTANTLY wears huge aviators… her face is busted and looks like a late stage body dysmorphia patient, doesn’t match her smokin body at all. Skin like a leather handbag but what do you expect from years of tanning… I’m not the one who will have to deal with the melanoma so why not?

    • Jovy

      “late stage body dysmorphia patient”

      There is no such thing as body dysmorphia. Did you mean body dysmorphic disorder? Which is a MENTAL illness that many people of all shapes and sizes have? You are an idiot, go back to school and actually pay attention this time instead of spitting game at your mentally challenged lab partner.

    • richie

      i’m sure you’re a real catch

  13. Satan's bitch

    Kesha and that Snooki thing actually look better with Steve Buscemi’s eyes.

  14. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    sooooooosuperficial
    Commented on this photo:

    Tiger’s sloppy seconds. Guess it could be worse for that guy.

  15. Cock Dr

    Well played, aging gold digger. Well played indeed.

  16. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Star fucking + multi-million $$ settlement for keeping mouth shut about specific star fucking + using name recognition from star fucking to make even more $$ + using star fucking $$ for Miami Beach vacation with stud of own choosing = winning.
    This woman sets the standard for gold diggery.

  17. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I dunno, this whole series of beach love is starting to look very staged.

  18. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    bringthedoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Guess she’s fallen off the Love Addiction wagon

  19. dudeatdudedotdude

    needs poo

  20. dudeatdudedotdude

    ROSIE .

  21. That starfish bikini really brings out her starfish mind.

  22. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like wonk-tits from that “Hills” show.
    Guy is enjoying having his picture taken waaaaaay too much.

  23. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    lauryn
    Commented on this photo:

    wearing jewelry in the ocean= taaacky

  24. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    ???
    Commented on this photo:

    Could these be any more posed? He is actually looking at the camera. Did someone say cheese?

  25. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    ???
    Commented on this photo:

    Hang on, let me position myself so the camera sees my douchebag tattoo.

  26. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    ???
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that a surgery scar I spot?

  27. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Isn’t that the dude from the Just For Men commercials.

  28. cc

    Ah yes the guy she is with has the requisite douchebag asian characters tattooed down the torso, stupid saying tattooed on chest, etc, etc.

  29. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    Herpes transfer complete.

  30. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    Alice is Chained
    Commented on this photo:

    Yea and smells like Cheetos.

  31. Bob Guccione

    Not too many people look their best after a dip in the ocean. Trust me, Rachel is smoking hot.

  32. Doc Schweinstrudel

    FUCKING HELL SHE IS SO UGLY JUST fUCKING HELL FUCKING HELL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    buttdart
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s her brother.

  34. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    buttdart
    Commented on this photo:

    shazam! needs a little lipo, but otherwise…

  35. Is there anything breasts can’t sell?

  36. ME

    GROSS she looks like an ugly plastic bimbo version of Alanis Morisett. FUCK what an ugly face and her body is doughy and nasty.

    As for why tiger screwed her, beautiful classy women are way too high maintenance, he just wanted a hole to come in and she is nothing but a living dick holder.

  37. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    Chicken Ranch
    Commented on this photo:

    How much did she cost him?

  38. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    Was Tiger able to get it in the hole?

  39. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    Jim
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m sure the golddigger can afford to vacation now after extorting Tiger’s money !!!

    • jay

      Yep… where’s the red tide when you need it…. “did she pay for the phototgrapher and her partner at the beach”

  40. ec

    after seeing all the bimbo blondes tiger has run through…you would think osambo cudda done better for himself.

  41. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    CYCLIST
    Commented on this photo:

    no offense woods was the whore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a man whore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! elin is a goddess. she should have gotten 400 million from that freaking black pig!!!!!!!!!!!!

  42. donato

    I hate to be mean but she looks absolutely horrible. Just scary gross. She looks like she is aging rapidly. Her face looks like it has had multiple plastic surgeries that have been botched.

  43. TigerFriend

    Why do Black Men let this happen? Tiger,I cried so much when I got to know you re getting married to a white lady who will surely want to ruin you.
    If I’ve got the opportunity to tell you not to go with the lady I will do it but here is the result after so years.
    People in Africa thinks you should have done that but it’s a life time lesson that will never erase from your world.
    May God heal you Tiger Woods

  44. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    Tiger
    Commented on this photo:

    She is cheating on me :(

  45. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    john
    Commented on this photo:

    so I have as big a penis as tiger right?

  46. Rachel Uchitel Bikini
    Jazzy Jeff
    Commented on this photo:

    Manface

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