R. Kelly Wants You To Shut Up

R. Kelly wrote an autobiography titled Soulacoaster: The Story of Me and with that news alone, I can wrap up this post and have officially destroyed your mind with awesome just from reading the word “Soulacoaster.” Turns out, R. Kelly has done even more than that and released his first song “Shut Up” since having throat surgery which he dedicated to everyone who doubted he was really sick or dared to say his career was over. And like any R. Kelly song, the lyrics are pure musical artistry:

OMG now no offense to the other artist but come on darling
Let’s be honest how many babies have been made by me
OMG seriously you gonna act like that
Sit there like ain’t no truth to that
Looking at me like i ain’t talking stats
OMG every boy every girl every child around the world
From the 90s up until today

That would be R. Kelly claiming paternity over every single man, woman and child born since the 90s which I actually believe. If you tell me you were born after 1991, not only will I demand you write me an 18-part R&B song about banging a midget’s wife, I’ll start following you around to make sure you’re not pissing on high school girls. My eyes: You.

Photo: Getty

Tags: R. Kelly