1. A million years ago, in grammar school — maybe 4th grade? — I read a book called *The Search for Delicious.* Long story short, it’s about a kid compiling a dictionary based on absolute examples rather than abstract definitions. This picture would be his entry for “douche bag.”

  2. WTF is up with this guy? We’ve all made comments in the past about his douchiness, but this takes the cake.

  3. Can your pussy do the dog

    I guess not even a new born, can keep Simon from looking like someone from the movie ‘Cruising’.
    Some where in Russia, Validmir Putin is thinking…”Damn dude, put your shirt back on”.

  4. The only excuse Cowell has is if he is using his shirt for the dog’s poop bag. And if that is the case, then shoot the dog.

  5. Sisterfunbags

    Simon CowBell. Derp.

  6. buzz

    LOL! Simon takes his shirt off and all the women walk on the other side of that dude and using him as a barrier.

  7. And after he walked the dog he headed out to cruise the local gay bar restrooms.

  8. Little Tongue

    Haha! He soooooo thinks he has perfect pecs, when the whole world can see that they’re actually tits!

  9. renotastic

    Someone tell Simon the moon has no tanning powers.

  10. Cock Dr

    He knows his tits are the biggest.
    And he’s obviously proud of it.

  11. Inner Retard

    Usually it’s women who take off their shirts to up their self-confidence after having a baby. I guess that makes him a bitch and an asshole.

  12. The man is proud of his moobs. He put a lot of work into them.

  13. Apparently Simon has been working out. He’s got a one-pack.

  14. I never realized that Mom jeans look so great with elevator shoes.

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