1. Goddamn, how dumb can Christians be!?

  2. Marty! Marty! The only power source capable of generating 1.21 gigawatts of electricity is a bolt of lightning!!

  3. Alter boys playing hide and seek is one thing. The Pope suggesting they hide under his coat is another.

  4. “Oh my…how can I possibly tell them I’m an atheist? This is going to be harder than a Cardinal’s dick at an altar boy convention.”

  5. Eejut

    It’s his first time watching 2 girls 1 cup.

  6. Swearin

    “Ah jeez-a! I put-a da pizza pie inna da oven upiside down!”

  7. I’m sure it’s just the way the fabric moves, but it wants to look like he has quite the caboose.

  8. Icehawg

    WTF? So …. Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time? That Midnight Shamdong fella has one hell of a career ahead of him.

  9. Deacon Jones

    “Aww, does someone have a case of the Mondays?!”

  10. officelinebacker

    he keeps that up, he might be able to have sex with Macaulay Culkin.

  11. catapostrophe

    “Ay dioth mio!”

  12. officelinebacker

    dammit, “If he keeps that up he might be able to have sex with Mila Kunis.”

  13. “Oh no! Not Lil’ Pizza!”

  14. “You mean the gays aren’t just happy people?”

  15. The Pope

    “They use Onswipe? Oh my!”

  16. JimBB

    Oh Christ, if I have to baptize one more Italian who reeks of Axe Body Spray, I swear I’m giving this job back to the Nazi.

  17. Someone just told him The Aristocrats joke.

  18. dontkillthemessenger

    After having all of his assistants look through the rule book, the Pope still isn’t allowed to have a girlfriend even if Hillary Duff gets divorced.

  19. “¡Ay, Dios no me ama!”

  20. The Kardashians have arrived for their Papal Blessing.

  21. argleblargle

    There’s gotta be a Macaulay Culkin/Michael Jackson/Priest pedophile joke in here somewhere. Someone find it.

  22. BlackManUSAonTwitter

    “Aye, aye, aye…The priests keep touching boys. Why did we make masturbation a sin?”

  23. “For the LAST time…Yes, it’s OK to eat meat on Fridays!”

  24. “Oy vey ! This headache is making me meshuggah.”

  25. “Man! I really have got to stop buying my Pope threads from tailors who dressed 90′s boy bands!”

  26. Ripley's Believe It Or Not

    He just witnessed a priest knobbing a girl. His look is one of sheer disbelief at things being done that way.

  27. renotastic

    Starring in Rome Alone.

  28. Rickets

    I made my family disappear.

  29. Ronaldo

    He just saw Kim Kardashian’s ass

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