Look how excited he is. He knows the next stop is Dublin.
“And I’d get on my tricycle and get all excited and then that bitch Katie would come in and tell me to quit playing around…
What a ball-buster…”
“Invisible motorcycle goes VROOM VROOM!”
Yessss! They almost believe I’m straight.
“And if you bend Travolta’s erect penis about this much, he starts to whimper like a school girl…”
“Can I drive car?” Drive car? You mean like this? Sure! They have these blocks they fit on the pedals.
“I grabbed cock with my right hand, then grabbed another with my left, right as I got nailed up the bum. Also, I’m not gay.”
I think he’s passing a painful Thetan.
Well, now I know how to write “power bottom school” in Cyrillic.
“Katie Holmes leg-handle bars…brooom broom! Thats how OT8 rolls…yeah, boyeeee!”
Male or female it doesn’t matter. More and more plastic surgery on the face makes a person eventually resemble a mule, cow or camel.
Yeah, I just grab onto the E-meters like this, grit my teeth, and Travolta just wrecks it back there.
…so i was holding on to the headboard like this, and BANG BANG BANG!!! Took it like a man!!
I know the excitement on his face sure did not come from the Jennifer Lawrence photo.
“Ive got a bottle a vodka in my room and Xenu in my pants, Now who wants to roll my ass in the air?
When your mom told your face would stick like that…this is the face she was talking about.
He’s turning into Jack Webb.
“More pudding, please!”
“I had one of these of my own. You just get the round part of it up the, well, you know, until it hits along the, you know, turn it on, and then WHOO, hold on! I’m just saying, you’re wasting this by only using it on an ear.”
“No, no. In America, we call what I did last night ‘ski poling’”
“…And then I grabbed both of their dicks and screamed FOR SCIENTOLOGY!… I’m sorry. What was the question again?”
Tom showing how he handles two or more men
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Tom Cruise at a press conference for 'Oblivion' in Moscow. (April 1, 2013) -Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN