1. “Does this 3 Stooges haircut make me look fat?”

  2. “My momma always said ‘life is like a slice of red velvet cake’ sluurrrpppp!”

  3. To be fair, he’s accustomed to having much thicker things in his mouth.

  4. Little known fact: “The Situation” used his Jersey Shore money to quietly put himself through accounting school.

  5. Joe Blow

    Now there’s a twink who knows how to suck on a tube.

  6. Well accustomed to finishing recently departed patrons’ drinks before the busboy arrives, Mike learned to scan the field for the next target whilst engaged with his current quarry.

  7. Beer Baron

    No real man uses a straw. Unless it’s a crazy straw, those are totally acceptable.

  8. msqard

    Chillin’ in West Hollywood, wearing a pink shirt, with a cupcake, sucking hard on a straw…when in Athens! (get it? that was a butt sex joke)

  9. ThisWillHurt

    Please, eat the cake. Anything to prevent you from lifting your shirt up ever again.

  10. West Hollywood, that seems about right.

  11. What the hell is this smegma-covered boner doing on the West Coast?

  12. Can this moron even spell “Situation”?

  13. Fuck that mess, but I will take that red velvet cupcake.

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