superficial

  1. I see she opted for the XXL feminine padding for the vortex of doom…

  2. EricLr

    Desperately calling around to find out where her body went.

    • Christ, dude, she just had a fucking BABY.

      You try gestating an infant for nine months as your bones and organs are shoved aside to make room for it as it grows and grows, up under your lungs and so low in your pelvis that you have to shit every twenty minutes because there’s no more room in your body for your intestines; pushing it agonizingly out of your vagina at the end of aforementioned nine months in an explosion of blood and viscera that can last for DAYS; breastfeeding it to sate its voracious appetite as your body desperately struggles to manufacture more milk every day; and not sleeping more than a couple of hours a night, and see if YOU look like a fucking Victoria’s Secret model.

      So yeah, I’m gonna give this girl a pass on not looking “red carpet ready”.

  3. Minky Wail

    “Hillary I’m just saying if we go together, we’ll both look normal.”

  4. “Listen you piece of shit… you’re getting the vasectomy today. If you don’t I’m cutting your nuts off, myself! Have you seen my ass lately?”

  5. Man that’s messy hair! Looks like she comes it witherfork.

  6. cc

    Uh-oh, she’s on the verge of going full trailer.

  7. Contusion

    She’s going to have to change her name to Reese Withertoe.

  8. Happy_Evil_Dude

    More like Reese Withoutherspoon amirite?

  9. jonesy

    In other news, lululemon has opened a side chain offering workout wear for the post pregnancy (and just generally fat) crowd. Its called lululoaf.

  10. The cameltoe is trying to compete with her chin.

  11. “Yeah, I know. I had to put handles on ALL the cups, so that moron husband of mine would quit “dropping” them at the papparazzi.”

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