Pete Doherty thinks he’s Jesus

June 11th, 2008 // 58 Comments

Pete Doherty commissioned a sculpture of himself being crucified Jesus-style. Apparently, Pete and his friend artist Nick Reynolds feel Pete is a tortured Messiah, according to The Sun:

The “disturbing artwork” will be carved in marble and show Doherty being tortured, surrounded by strips of newspapers — symbolising his crucifixion by the media.
Reynolds insists he came up with the idea a long time ago and it has taken three years to come to fruition.

The Sun received behind-the-scenes photos of the sculpting process from Pete and the irony wasn’t lost on them:

Unfortunately Pete looks more like Han Solo when he is in his carbon coffin in Jabba’s Palace in Star Wars than Michaelangelo’s David.
The exclusive behind-the-scenes pictures above of Pete’s plaster session were given to me — for a bit of publicity. Er, just a minute. Any slight contradiction here, Mr Doherty?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, Pete Doherty comparing himself to Jesus is understandable. They’re both imaginary characters. Makes sense. But Pete Doherty as Han Motherfucking Solo?! BLASPHEMY!

superficial

  1. I’ve got a mallet and some old railroad spikes… are we taking volunteers to perform this public service? Pick me, pick me!!!

  2. deacon jones

    Pic 4 is my facial expression on Monday mornings

  3. TOP 10 NIGGAS!

    He looks like Barack Osamas long lost white relative.

  4. Mike

    Nice to see the comments writer has traded his eternal salvation for unfunny hipster witticisms about Star Wars. You’re a smart one, you are.

  5. Auntie Kryst

    I hope they use hypoderminc needles instead of thorns for his crown..

  6. havoc

    Junkies for Jesus?

    Which begs the question….What Would Courtney Love Do?

    .

  7. English Bob

    Pete Doughball could well be Jesus, they’re both pathetic, fake pieces of crap…….

  8. Oh, Pete…you will always be Jesus to me.
    As long as you share..

  9. #3 – OK, here goes…

    1 – Jimi Hendrix
    2 – Malcolm X
    3 – Tupac Shakur (or 2 packs of sugar, as he was known in the joint…)
    4 – Bo Diddly
    5 – James Brown
    6 – Ike Turner (well his pimp hand actually…)
    7 – Mike Tyson
    8 – Condi Rice (ready in 5 minutes if you get her hot enough…)
    9 – Uncle Tom (pre, NOT post, cabin…)
    10 – L’il Wayne (or any other rapper who insists on using the assinine “L’il” in his/ her moniker…)

    I’ll be doing my top 10 honkies next… to be followed by slants, wetbacks, towelheads, and dotheads…

  10. Megan

    Oh, Fish, now you’re going to have the Jesus freaks all in a tizzy. Tsk, tsk.

    Mike – It was a nice trade-off =)

  11. janex

    @9 – What about MLK and Ali?

  12. mimi

    Praying for Pete.

  13. janex

    Nice stain in Pic 4. Was that Monica’s blazer?

  14. Lola

    This dude needs to be ran over with a semi about 30 times…. It would only take one time to kill him but the 29 more times is to make sure there are no remnants of him left on ther street…… How in the world can this ugly piece of trash be a celebrity? Look at him? I feel like dumping hot water and disinfectant on him to bathe him and using a toilet brush to brush his teeth. Only crack-heads like Kate Moss and Amy Whorehouse would ever let this walking disease come anywhere near them or their cooter

  15. Monkey Suckle Rose

    Cocaine is a hell of drug.”

  16. Lola

    Oh and Superficial writer, you really shouldn’t make comments about Jesus being imaginary and whatnot….. THAT is blasphemy and nothing to joke about

  17. mimi

    #9… God wants to teach you a lesson today.

    You will fall on the stairs and hurt your knee.

    You will not be able to walk fast and you will be hit by a boy on a bicycle.

    You will fall flat on your face and break your nose.

    You will bleed all over you best shirt.

    The stains will never come out.

    You will be marked for life!

  18. mimi

    #9… God wants to teach you a lesson today.

    You will fall on the stairs and hurt your knee.

    You will not be able to walk fast and you will be hit by a boy on a bicycle.

    You will fall flat on your face and break your nose.

    You will bleed all over your best shirt.

    The stains will never come out.

    You will be marked for life!

  19. mimi

    #9… God wants to teach you a lesson today.

    You will fall on the stairs and hurt your knee.

    You will not be able to walk fast and you will be hit by a boy on a bicycle.

    You will fall flat on your face and break your nose.

    You will bleed all over your best shirt.

    The stains will never come out.

    You will be marked for life!

  20. Tommy Sneakers

    Look at those nice pearly yellows

  21. wet newspaper

    He’s perpetually off his head!
    Why do Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse’s fella look exactly the same??! I think it could be the stupid hats.
    I reckon Amy will hook up with this jerkoff while her hubby is in prison, and then when he’s released there’ll be a bloody brawl in the street and needlestick injuries aplenty as the two boys try to infect each other with AIDS.

  22. God

    @17 – !9 – When I’m done with 9, I’ll teach you how not to triple post.

  23. Mike

    #20

    Stop it, I always thought he was kindof cute, not in a gay way though

  24. Gandalf

    Jesus is an imaginery charcter? Dude, someone’s punched their e-ticket
    to hell.

  25. #11 – He very specifically asked for niggas, not American heroes.

    Hey mimi, I wanna teach you 2 lessons today, the first involves mastery of the “Post Your Comment” button while the second involves you kneeling in front of me, shorts puddled around my ankles, bruising yor uvula and testing your gag reflex.

  26. @9, Damn Elliot, you have angered the gods!!! So where is that list of the top 10 honkies, slants, wetbacks, towelheads, and dotheads??

  27. nipolian

    Jesus freaks
    out in the street
    Handing tickets out for God
    Turning back
    she just laughs
    The boulevard is not that bad

  28. wet newspaper

    @ 20….

    Yeah, I’d hit it. With a wet newspaper.

  29. janex

    @25 – I stand corrected. Apologies.

  30. Auntie Kryst

    @9 Elliott, be careful on the top 10 honkies list. There are many subgenres to consider among them: limeys, heebs, bohunks, wops, frogs, paddys, krauts, and squareheads to name but a few..

  31. blp

    I’d love to bang some nails through his perma-sweaty face!

  32. monkeyfightclub

    What a retarded looking dude.

  33. janex

    Coincidence that Elliot is number 9 today?

  34. Top Ten Honkies

    1 – Clarence Thomas (say what you want, but it’s a rock solid first choice)
    2 – Opie/ Richie Cunningham
    3 – The perma-smile dude on the Male Enhancement commercials
    4 – Ellen
    5 – Clay Aiken
    6 – The good senator from Idaho, Larry Craig
    7 – Anyone whose real name is Dick Richards, Mike Hunt, or Justin Diaz
    8 – Mel Gibson (and each of his 75 children)
    9 – Mr Drummond (and his 1980s plantation…)
    10 – L Ron Hubbard (TCLTC)

  35. Dude

    LOOL this is great comedy

    you didn’t even have to write a text..just say: “Pete Doherty thinks he’s Jesus”

    LMAO slam dunk

  36. Navel Gazer

    @9 You so funny. Mr. T is the very top.

  37. Navel Gazer

    @9 — This is why #30 could be HBIC
    = I nominate myself for the top Bohunk list. I am personally responsible for putting algae on the endangered species list.

  38. #30 – I tried to keep my list as WASPy as possible, hence Mr. Thomas in the first position…

  39. Navel Gazer

    Lola, oh Lola, who is the worse blashpheme? The one who makes a joke or the one who incites thousands to crack jokes? Me thinkest it is thou. Verily I say unto thee, taketh thine head out of thine ass or Jesus will have to walk.

  40. #36 – (smacks self… hard) How could I forget Mr T? He can replace Eminem in spot #11…

  41. whatever

    Am I the only one who noticed the “his self”? Probably because it was the only thing that caught my eye in this completely useless post. Meh.

  42. Auntie Kryst

    @37 I think you just burned me, but for the life of me I don’t understand it. I’ll just say “well played” in advance.. FYI for the record, I’m no bohunk. I’m a shiftless drunken mick..
    @38 If you were going for WASPs where is Maj. Winchester on that list?

  43. Lola

    Thanks for that navel Gazer…. Do me a favor, go choke on your mother’s cock while you’re at it too stupid ass. I sure as hell wasn’t talking to you so dont’ say shit to me fucktard

  44. Choclate sauce

    who the fuck is pete doherty?

  45. Choclate sauce

    who the fuck is pete doherty?

  46. dystopia

    @41 No, you weren’t the only one. At least he didn’t write it the redneck way “hisself”.

  47. Navel Gazer

    @43 Do you drink Communion wine with that mouth? And I don’t need your permission for shit. I AM ARTIE BOHUNK.

  48. babew

    Such a cuttie. His photos were seen at millionaire persoanals site ******W e a l t h y R o m a n c e . c o m*****last week. It is said he is already in relationship with a young beautiful woman on that site now. ??????????????????????????????

  49. Do_FreeBird

    Bravo Pete, Bravo!!!!!

    The man just gets better and better at this. He never disappoints.

  50. Lola

    Artie-Bo’-my ass…. Get a life. You’re on the wrong website to be doing all this random shit. Do what you came here for or find another site for the impaired that can cater to your special needs. You on some other shit and apparently so am I to even be responding to some lonely idiot’s BS on a fucking website. Stay retarded lil dude. No more response from me

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