Penelope Cruz meets Suri

August 4th, 2006 // 85 Comments
penelope-cruz-suri.jpg

Penelope Cruz is the latest human being to come out and confirm they’ve met Suri Cruise.

“I met Suri. She is really beautiful. She is really special,” the 32-year-old actress told reporters Thursday at the London premiere of her new film, Volver. “One of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. And I am extremely happy for them. They are really happy and doing great.”

I’m pretty sure Tom Cruise is just inviting people over to his house and then forcing them to pretend they saw his child. “You’ll do it because I know where you live. You tell everybody she’s the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen or else I’ll destroy you. I’m Tom Cruise, bitch!” And then he dresses up Katie Holmes as a lumberjack and has sex with “her.”

superficial

  1. Nikky Raney

    how come all the people that have seen suri are the ones who haven’t been in the public eye for quite sometime. except for katie & tom

  2. HA. like scientologists know a baby when they see one. yes, kelly preston, this is our child (cut to bassinett with mirror in it) — oh! she’s beautiful! (voice over – she looks just like me!)

    yes, leah remini, this is our child.
    “holy crap she’s beautiful!”

    and so on until everyone brings her all their body thetans and she is fit for sacrificing.

  3. Grobpilot

    I’ll say it again, as I did the last time Penelope was on the ‘fish: She reminds me of a chihuahua. A yappy little, scampering ankle biter.

  4. Libraesque

    Oh my yes, I totally believe this. Most people who see a 4 month old baby say they “MET” her. And what exactly makes her “special”, that she has horns and a spikey tail??? The only thing that would make this MORE believable is if she would have used that tired old TC speak, “she’s amazing!!”
    Lame.. Here’s what happened, they read all the shit about Leah being a not-so-credible-d-list-scientologist, so he called his ex and for the second time in her life (the first being his “girlfriend” way back when) she cashed a big fat check from TC for lying. The End!

  5. So lets get this straight, Katie’s parents haven’t seen their grandchild yet, but we’re supposed to believe that her Husbands Ex Girlfriend….who is also a scientologist, has seen the kid? yeah….I believe that about as much as I believe that Tom Cruise DOESN”T love the cock.

  6. pop

    i hear those crazy bastards are getting married this weekend….

    http://popculturepundit.blogspot.com/

  7. ffordegroupie

    Does Lord Tom-Tom seriously think that anyone is going to take his ex-beard’s statement seriously? Especially since she was rumored to be at least partly involved in Scientology.

    Who the hell says they “met” a baby? When it’s walking and babbling and so forth, you can say that — they’ve learned how to be sociable by then. Most people don’t, but you can. But when the kid’s biggest achievment is grinning gummily at random objects, you say “Oh, I saw Marlene’s baby today, she’s got a cowlick and big blue eyes, big feet, blah blah blah.”

    Funny how all these people say the exact same phrases about Suri. And it’s fairly weird that Suri has no real characteristics except “lots of dark hair” (perhaps atavistic fur?) and changing coloured eyes — it’s never “she has a heart-shaped face, the cutest little mouth, and she does this and that and blah blah blah.” It’s like they’re describing a photo.

    First it’s suspicious that nobody has seen her, so they trot out a loyal Scienobot to assure the public how “amazing” Suri is. Nobody gives a damn, because everyone knows she’s a Scientologist. So they trot out Cruz, apparently believing that people will believe her. Right. I’m waiting to see how the Scienobots will try to top this, when nobody believes Penelope.

    Does anyone remember that cloning scandal a few years back? They claimed they cloned a baby, gave all these details — and refused to show her. Of course, the kid didn’t exist. I guess Scientology is the new Clonaid.

    And I agree with that other poster — the “baby’s” grandparents haven’t seen it, yet somehow I’m supposed to take Penelope Cruz’s word that all is normal? When Mr. and Mrs. Holmes say so, without codewords, THEN I’ll believe it.

  8. ffordegroupie

    Oh and I also think that they are protesting too much. They all have to assure us that she’s soooooo beautiful, THE most beautiful baby ever. Because obviously Scientologists could NEVER have an ugly deformed baby.

  9. ffordegroupie

    Okay, last time, but from the Fish guy’s comment, I just can’t stop imagining Tom singing, “I cut down trees, I skip and jump,/I like to press wild flowers./I put on women’s clothing,/And hang around in bars!”

    Seriously, it wouldn’t surprise me.

  10. Libraesque

    HOT OFF THE PRESSES AT TMZ:

    After stating yesterday that she has seen Suri Cruise, Penelope Cruz has since turned a 180 and is now refusing to talk about the baby anymore.

    “I’m not going to talk about that anymore,” she says of her Suri sighting, “I answered that yesterday and I’m not going to talk about it in detail because I really protect the people that I love.”

    Cruz, who dated Tom for three years, said Thursday the spawn of TomKat was “one of the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen.” In today’s interview, Penelope blamed a lapse in judgment for her outburst of Suri details. “It’s important to keep living life as an observer and not just feel like you’re being the thing observed because then you start looking at yourself from the outside instead of really alert…I forget people are looking at me in a situation like that, like yesterday.”

  11. It’s too bad she didn’t just come out. Another hot lesbian is what we need.

  12. ffordegroupie

    So if she protects the people she loves, that probably extends to lying for them.

  13. pixel killya

    Yeah sure, I would really like to believe that your baby is more beautiful and special than mine. Because you guys are “actors”.

    I’ve got 50 large that says my baby is better looking than yours Tommy boy. Care to take the bet? Does Suri have your deformed nose, Katie’s droopy eyes, or both?

    Ah these actors…your kids are just so much better than everyone else’s aren’t they.

  14. I hope that alien baby didn’t infect her, I kind of like Penelope Cruz…besides that whole Tom Cruise phase she went through for publicity.

  15. PunjabPete

    Penelope is a freak. She moves from man to man with each movie.

    Suri Cruise – The modern day snipe hunt..

    “I saw one, it was the most beautiful and special snipe ever… It look just like TomKat…”

    TCLTC more than anyone…

  16. PunjabPete

    #57 – They say “met” because this baby is “special”… It is the re-incarnation of L. Ron Hubbard. And no, I ain’t shittin’ you. It really is… Just ask Tom, he will answer once he gets that cock out his mouth…

  17. SkinnySnobbyBitch

    Who gives a shit what religion they are? Religion isn’t a superficial aspect of a human. Has anyone stopped to notice that Penelope Cruz looks like a chihuahua? Buggy eyes, sticks for limbs…She’s ridiculous!

  18. PunjabPete

    67 – When she came by their house she shouted…

    Yo quiero, Suri Cruise! Arf!!!

  19. PunjabPete

    Oh, what do you mean religion? Since when is Scientology a religion? Space aliens shat in a volcano and released (Tifanny Amber?) Thetans into the world that now haunt the rich and famous? Please send your check to…

    Hello… CULT ANYONE? Pass the KoolAid TomKat…

  20. PunjabPete

    #43 – Sorry for the late reply but your reference is AWESOME… CThulu SAVES!!

  21. somethingoriginal

    i think the original plan was to fake the pregnancy and adopt a baby born at the same time. something went wrong with the adoption, and now they’re treading water until they find a kid who is the right age and that would look like a cruise baby.

    i still think katie’s baby belly was the strangest thing i’ve ever seen. i’m willing to reconsider that comment after suri pics are released.

  22. EJ

    #71

    When that theory first came out, I thought it was pretty far-fetched but now… They’ve really got to have a good reason for not showing the baby to anyone but loyal Scientologists. Is she deformed? Does she even exist? Is Tom terrified of engrams attacking her? We may never know…

  23. somethingoriginal

    i can’t be bothered looking this up so maybe someone else can tell me – is it true that it was reported that tom was looking to sell piccies but couldn’t get half the amount photos of Shiloh did so retracted the offer? if so, how does that fit with the excuse that scientology calls for kiddies to be hidden?

  24. I can’t help but think of the movie The Ring when I hear the name Suri. It sounds like some girl who is going to attack me out of my TV from a well. Creeeepy.

  25. biatcho

    Scientology in nothing more than speed-dating for gays so obviously Suri does not exist. I’m sure the baby they bought for PR reasons alone is just on back-order.

  26. ffordegroupie

    63, you forgot the freakishly huge gums and teeth they both share. If Suri exists, she probably started gnawing people’s fingers off with her giant white grin.

  27. lisita

    wow she hell of ugly

  28. they zapped that poor alien with their home ultrasound machine.. that’s why we haven’t seen her.. well plus the fact that she never existed in the first place.. but i hear tell tom called up mel to offer condolences and to get parenting tips.. http://www.stingybitches.com/blog/

  29. beckaslecka

    they zapped that poor alien with their home ultrasound machine.. that’s why we haven’t seen her.. well plus the fact that she never existed in the first place.. but i hear tell tom called up mel to offer condolences and to get parenting tips.. http://www.stingybitches.com/blog/

  30. nikki

    SO PENELOPE IS STILL UNDER CONTRACT TO MR. CRUISE.

    SAME FOR NICOLE WHO A MERE 2 MONTHS BEFORE HER WEDDING WAS REQUIRED TO GO ON THE COVER OF WOMEN’S WEEKLY TO SAY HOW MUCH SHE STILL LOVED TOM AND WHAT A GREAT GUY HE WAS.

    IS.

    OF COURSE THE COINCIDENCE WITH HIS NEW MOVIE WAS JUST ACCIDENTAL.

    NOW PENELOPE HAS TO SIN HER SOUL AND SAY THAT SHE SAW A NON-EXISTENT BABY.

    ANYONE ELSE WISHES TO DOUBT TOM CRUISE’S POWER??

    AND YES, TCLTC….

  31. Uhn Tiss Baby

    Penelope Cruz spent 9 months inside a horse before she was born to the world.

  32. Does ANYBODY have pics of Penelope without make-up? I bet it is a train wreck.

  33. I love Penelope!!!!!!!!!
    fuck cruise and his life.
    hi is really fucked up!

  34. So innocent face and really I love to kiss her.

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