Paula Deen Will Talk Like Popeye Now, Let He Who Is Without Spinach Cast The First Stone

June 26th, 2013 // 61 Comments
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“I is what I is,” Paula Deen said this morning on TODAY while impressively sticking to her new PR crisis team’s message that she’s being maliciously crucified by the liberal media for only saying nigger once in her entire life in 1986 when a black man held a gun to her head. And you know, they call themselves that, Matt, so how’s a poor, old Southern woman supposed to know what’s right or wrong?

On Wednesday Lauer specifically asked Deen if she had any doubt that African-Americans found the N-word offensive.
“I don’t know, I have asked myself that so many times,” Deen said. “It’s very distressing for me to go into my kitchens and hear what these young people are calling each other … it’s very distressing for me. I think for this problem to be worked on, that these young people are gonna have to take control and start showing respect for each other.”

“When they said that word, why their huju magic just makes it fly right into mah mouth,” she originally said in a mock interview before being forced to eat salad for going off-message. And that message is deep fry The Bible and spoon-feed it to a moron fanbase sitting in front of their TVs with their mouths open just waiting for it. And an insulin shot:

“If there’s anyone out there that has never said something that they wish they could take back, if you’re out there, please pick up that stone and throw it so hard at my head that it kills me, please I want to meet you.”

Yes, perfect. Now address the wickedness directly, Paula, for I am the Lord thy God and I have found your actions pure and your donuts just fucking delicious. Seriously, what’s in these?

Deen ended the interview in dramatic fashion, saying, “There’s someone evil out there that saw what I had worked for, and they wanted it.”

Look, you know that point when you’re on your fifth McRib and just the thought of one more bite of delicious, BBQ-slathered tire mat makes you sick? That’s exactly where I’m at with Paula Deen, so let’s cut to the custard core: She’s only “sorry” because she got caught. And even then she’s not even apologizing for what’s really going on here. In fact, her lawyers are scrambling right now to make sure no one digs anymore into exactly what that is which is a history of discriminatory, if not downright illegal, business practices against black employees. Business practices that don’t make Paula Deen a Klan member with a noose, but make her part of the long-standing tradition of institutionalized racism in the south that she’s been allowed to believe is acceptable her whole life because “that’s the way things are.” Or she’s being tested by the Devil for truly these are the end times when witches shall defy the laws of man and hedonism is the rule of the land. REPENT!


  1. Mel Gibson's Shrink

    Ok, just to play the devil’s advocate – I don’t understand why it’s ok for black people to throw around the word “nigger” but when a white person says it, it causes all sorts of kerfuffle. Don’t get me wrong, I totally get why the term is offensive due to historical and social events, so why would black people keep using the term?

    • j-sin

      Honestly, I could really give two shits she said the N word. But the shady and racist business practices and hostile work environment for black employees is the real issue here. That and calling her employees monkeys, etc.

      Crocodile tears, btw.

    • DUDE WTF!!

      That is NOT ok. Even in serious conversations about the legitimacy of the word, it’s not ok to say it, not ok to write it, because you’re forcing it onto other people. Why don’t you just sit in a quiet room and say that word at the top of your lungs a few times, and see how it makes you feel to just hear it. If it doesn’t make you feel dirty, then something is wrong with YOU.

      “Kerfluffle” just shouldn’t be used by anyone for any reason.

    • Trek Girl

      It causes all sorts of kerfuffle when a white person says it because of what they did with it when it was “okay” for them to use it. Black people can use it and not cause a kerfuffle because it was used against them for a long time under terrible circumstances and is still very much a charged word. What has basically happened is that they’ve taken the word, changed the meaning for when they use it with each other, and are not allowing the people who used it against them to get away with using it now.

      Now, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there are certain white people, and people of all ethnicities, that are able to use it and it’s just fine. It all depends on the people they’re around and how they’re using it. Most people really don’t get the difference between the “nigger” that people use(d) against black people and the “nigger”, “nigga” that black people use. If you don’t understand the difference, you’re probably not going to get away with using it.

      I hope this explanation helps.

    • Because they’ve spent the last couple of centuries being called that word by people who had life-or-death control over them and wouldn’t hesitate to use it. When a black person calls another black person the n-word, they are acknowledging their shared history and how they’ve overcome it. When a white person uses it, it’s because they’re trying to show contempt and hostility.

      Or, in the case of people like Quentin Tarantino and white hip hop afficionados, because they believe that having black friends or an appreciation for black culture is the exact same thing as being a part of that culture, and no one has bothered to beatsplain the difference to them yet.

      • Or…possibly Quentin Tarantino thought that making a slavery era movie and having characters saying “the ‘N’ word” would be the gayest thing ever.

        also, you shouldn’t say “gay” in the above context.

      • Mel Gibson's Shrink

        They may have overcome it but they certainly have not gotten over it.

    • there is an argument that separate, and unequal, dictionaries is racist in it’s own right, but it would cause the collective head of the easily butthurt ultra PC crowd to explode.

      excluding justie, i’m surprised how many people here flip their fuckin’ lids over this bullshit…. considering this is a website basically devoted to misogyny and speculating who is a bearded homosexual. but anyways.

    • jill

      Because Mel, there are people in this world that just want to cause problems They’re what your parents called ‘trouble makers’ when we were growing up. Most are unhappy and have empty lives, and want everyone else around them to be miserable like them. This isn’t to say that some don’t have legitimate complaints, some do, but most just want to cause problems for the sake of causing problems. Hoped this hepled you understand their mind-set.

    • Just to play devil’s advocate back at you, Mel (and also because McBeef practically double-dog dared me) – what exactly would be your motivation for wanting to say a word that you know is a cultural obscenity, that has such a tremendous load of hatred and shame, and is a signature phrase denoting an entire history of racism, oppression and violence,. Please tell me how, if you’re white, you can put the pin back in that particular grenade just because you’ve heard black people using it to each other? If it’s because you’re so incredibly entitled that you think “why isn’t there a white history month?” is a valid question, and you really think that nothing should be off limits to you simply because you’re of a dominant and privileged cultural group, then I can go find brick walls out there with more insight that I can beat my head against.

      It’s a loaded word with a long history of being injurious, and to assume that every single black person uses it – and feels the same way about it when they do – is yet another error in your quest to use it, too.
      Langston Hughes’ pre-Civil Rights take was this: “Used rightly or wrongly, ironically or seriously, of necessity for the sake of realism, or impishly for the sake of comedy, it doesn’t matter…The word n*****r you see, sums up for us who are colored all the bitter years of insult and struggle in America.” Thirty years later, Clarence Major defined it as: “used by black people among themselves, it is a racial term with undertones of warmth and goodwill—reflecting a tragicomic sensibility that is aware of black history.” That was in 1970 – another 30+ years later, Chris Rock is stating that he’ll never do the N****rs vs. Black People routine again: “‘Cos some people that were racist thought they had license to say n*****r. So, I’m done with that routine.”

      So if you think you have enough awareness of that history to think you can play around with it, and think you won’t trivialize what people (not you or yours, though) have suffered through its previous usage, in gratifying your need to sound like you’re in a Tarantino film, then use it. My honest question for you is: do you care if you hurt someone when you do? Would you use it in talking to a little black kid? Would you teach your own kids to use it to their friends?

      Lenny Bruce had a lot to say about how using racial slurs openly would rob them of their impact and quickly insulate us all to the wounds they were meant to inflict – it’s basically the same strategy that the Army employs by using violent video games to desensitize soldiers. It’s a keen theory, and taking back some power is probably behind blacks and gays using “n*****r” and “f*****t” within the culture. Subtlety and nuance aside that may accompany their use, in general it’s still a fail, since there’s still a self-loathing pejorative aspect firmly tied to both words within those same cultures [see Chris Rock, above]. Sadly, the world really doesn’t work in the way Bruce envisioned, and many people found that the laugh they got when Lenny used a slur regarding their ethnic or racial group in a comedy setting when everyone else was also getting a skewering, really didn’t carry over to the next day when their employer or anyone else in a position of authority, who they couldn’t talk back to, continued to use it to them.

      Because really, there is no quid pro quo here in which any minority can use a racial slur against anyone who’s white and make it hurt in the same way, so no one who’s white is going to develop any empathy or understanding in that way as to what it’s like to be singled out and penalized for his race.

      • you lost me about 4 lines in.

        it’s not about wanting to be on the approved list of word use. i don’t plan to break it out anytime soon, other than the occasional “n___a please” in the right company and my refusal to say “brotha” when rapping along with whoever is on pandora at the time.

        I’m in this to troll PC dipshits.

      • I’m here for the morons who think she’s totes a victim who’s been denied freedom of speech – oh yeah, and the gray-matter challenged guy who thinks masturbation and racism are on a par. Now that WalMart’s dropped her, I’m gonna enjoy their torment over boycotting it to support their deep-fried heroine. It’ll probably take them all of 15 minutes before they surrender their high principles.

      • …another tour de force by justifiable …i dont’ want to, nor can i, top his dissertation, but, i’d like to add my 2 cents as someone who’s old enough to remember when we were still called negroes …there was an episode of “tough crowd with colin quinn” in which this very topic came up, and colin took the cliche position of “hey, i’m a white guy who grew up in brooklyn amongst black folks, and i like hip hop, so why can’t i say it?”, to which one of the black comedians (i forget his name) answered; “because ya’ll used up all your nigger privileges!” …a line that i love …even colin had to relent …but, more to the point, here’s how i always explain it to people whenever they ask that asinine question: ok, let’s say you and i are talking, and you say; “i hate my fucking mom! she is such a cunt!” …that’s totally allowable, right? but…if you and i are talking, and I say; “i hate your fucking mom! she is such a cunt!” …more than likely, i’m gonna be ducking punches, right? …there’s certain language, certain words, that are totally cool for certain people to say, and profoundly un-cool for others, period …and if you’re a rational, reasonable, intelligent, socially aware adult, you KNOW the difference between what’s cool and what is’nt and why …all of this phony, contrived “outrage” over why white folks can’t say “nigger” is just so inane …it’s nothing more than the equivalent of some thick-skulled, belligerent teenager who rebels simply for the sake of rebelling, because he resents being told what to do. (on a related note: for the same reasons, i love the poker scene in the 2nd episode of “Louie” in which the gay comedian explains the origin of the slur “faggot” and why it;s such a hurtful word for gay men — no matter what matt & trey tried to convey in that episode of south park…

  2. it had to be said

    Put a fork in her. This story is over, as is her career. Nothing more to see here.

    • OJ was also convinced if he could just talk enough, he could persuade everyone that he didn’t kill two people. Too bad he didn’t try admitting to just beating them up a little bit, and then claim that when it was pointed out to him how wrong that was, that he would “grow” and “learn from the experience”.

  3. j-sin

    Hey, Fish if you start doing any more Paula Deen stories, people will start thinking you’re a black man with a gun pointed toward the real writer’s head!

    Oh the CONSPIRACY!

    • the real McCoy

      Actually, what’s happened is the illuminati (with the help of Scientology and Tom Cruse) kidnapped and brainwashed the real Fish about two years ago. And what we see today is that result.

      …that, or Fish is now a card carrying member of the Rainbow Coalition and is current taking it up the butt from Black Bubba.

    • joe cano

      But how else will we know what a good person he is?

  4. Tiggles

    To further counteract racial criticism, Paula is going to adopt a hip-hop persona, ‘P-Deeny,’ and launch a new cooking show, ‘Crackers for Crackers’ on BET.

  5. Paula D. (no relation)

    There’s a downside to being racist? Who knew?

  6. Paula Deen ,”I would have not fired me.”
    Yeah but advertising revenue(coys) your bread and butter ,says fire that Cracker ASAP!

  7. joe cano


  8. Rick

    I think it’s so wonderful that we now have a tangible reason to hate on Paula Deen. For the longest time we’ve had nothing really solid to go on, and then she goes and hands us this *HUGE* reason to despise her! Thanks, Paula Deen! Now I can hate you *and* have a legitimate reason for doing so!

  9. CNN reporting that Paula Deen will marry a black lesbian this August.

  10. lol right.
    so the only time she used the N word was that one time when a black guy had a gun to her head.
    and her face is still connected to her head and her head is still attached to her neck.
    oh ok then.

    • Notice how she elides over the fact that she didn’t use the N-word when that black guy had a gun to her head; she only used it after the fact when describing the incident to her husband. And also outright lied about admitting in the deposition that she’d said the word on other occasions.

      From the deposition:

      Q. Did you use the N word to him as he pointed a gun in your head at your face?
      A. Absolutely not.
      Q. Well, then, when did you use it?
      A. Probably in telling my husband.
      Q. Okay. Have you used it since then?
      A. I’m sure I have, but it’s been a very long time.

      • The exact conversation when talking to her husband has been reported if you fucking bothered to look.

        “Must handle beef, code of the street, load up the heat, if these niggas think they could fuck around. Real niggas do real things
        by all means, niggas knowin how we get down.. It goes…
        Shoot ‘em up, just shoot ‘em up, what.”

  11. “… she’s not even apologizing for what’s really going on here … : a history of discriminatory, if not downright illegal, business practices against black employees.”

    Yup. Nailed it, Fish.

    • i blame the media. they are running pretty hard on the n-bombs.

      • Uh, that’s because they can’t really run on a lawsuit that hasn’t been decided yet in court, nor can Food Network, QVC or Smithfield shitcan her for grossly discriminatory work practices that are still alleged at this point. What they CAN act on is what she’s admitted to so far in the deposition, which is using racial slurs. That alone might not have done the job, but her adding “of course” to her admission gobsmacked a lot of people. That, coupled with widespread accusations of what seems to an absolutely brain-dead “I want the old cotton-pickin’ South back, what could possibly be wrong with that, because history?” set of business practices, is what did it.

        She lost a lot of credibility just last year for continuing to shove a butter’n'sugar put-it-between-two-donuts-and-deep-fry-it way of life down people’s throats, fully aware that it was a contributing factor in the Type 2 diabetes she’d developed three years earlier, which is why Bourdain called her a hypocrite and slammed her for grabbing a diabetes med endorsement the instant that news became public.

  12. Louis

    She has already proven that she will obfuscate the truth, look at the Diabetes issue, she didn’t say anything then either despite the danger to her “loyal fan base”

    Render obscure, unclear, or unintelligible.
    Bewilder (someone).
    darken – obscure – confuse – cloud – dim – becloud

  13. JO JO

    amen her camp is putting the N word spin on it to deflect from the bigger issue.

  14. Jenn

    I don’t give a shit what she says, as long as she says it off camera. Go. Away. Bitch.

  15. Mike Tython's Butt

    When she started crying around 9 minutes… jesus christ.. this woman is so unintentionally hilarious. I forgive her.

  16. Putting her on the Today Show is a great idea. Even the sexually frustrated wide-loads that watch that crap hate Matt Lauer, so Deen becomes sympathetic by comparison.

  17. where did the jokes go?

  18. me

    so, everybody has a skeleton in their closet. Paula Deen’s skeleton? She uses the “n” word. She should surely be banished from this land along with anyone who ever cheated on their spouse, used drugs, ever got drunk under the age of 18, masturbated, stole something, etc. Burn each other down until the only ones left are the truly Superficial.

    • Conflating masturbation with racism has got to be the most fuckwittedest comment I’ve ever seen. Not only because it speaks volumes as to what you think people should be ashamed of (special irony points for actually listing it as part of a shame parade on a site that’s a T & A fapfest), but to the lengths that you’d go in creating excuses to convince yourself and others that someone who IS a racist can’t possibly a “bad” person because they have a teeny little pesky human flaw that everyone else who’s used drugs, got drunk or cheated on their spouse has – so we have to overlook it out of necessity so we can all continue to behave badly in future.

    • Guest

      Her skeleton isn’t the n word. It is that she was repeatedly told that her restaurants were violating the law, and she did nothing to change it. They weren’t paying people. They were making people use different employees use different bathrooms based on race. The general manager was told by her brother to only hire “light’ people to work in the front. Her brother brought p0rn to management meetings and forced female employees to watch p0rn at work. Women were told by her brother, the accountant, the Cheif Operating Officer and Paula that women would not be paid more than men even if they did more work because they were women. Her brother physically assaulted an employee and they have it on tape. There are so many violations, too many to name.

  19. sitsdeep

    My bet is the Food Network wanted to get rid of her prior to this lawsuit and hadn’t a valid reason to break the contract, then, lo and behold, she gave them one. She can still fry on her own time!

  20. Hello

    Anyone else hear Dr. Seus? I is what I is, and I am what I said – an Elephant’s faithful one hundred percent. – and this elephant is sorry that her mixed raced former manger of her restaurant is calling her out on how nice the good ol plantation days were

    • Sort of hard to equate that statement with all the blubbering about how she was going to “grow” from this “educational” experience if only they’d hire her back again.

  21. Someone go grab a rope and let’s hang this cunt. Then maybe we can move on to more Interesting news…

  22. Isn’t “Deen” supposed to be spelled D-E-A-N? Bitch can’t even spell her own name right.

  23. Take your accumulated profits and go home you Obama whore. I love it when you eat your own…..

  24. seak


  25. Jim

    and the sponsors keep dropping her

  26. cryfacenotears

    No tears.

  27. Michelle

    “Eenie meenie minie moe, catch a nigger by his toe, if he hollers let him go…” This is a children’s rhyme I grew up singing when we jumped rope or picked sides in a game. This wasn’t anywhere near the south and my parents weren’t southerners. This was Seattle, WA in the late 50′s and early 60′s. You can’t get much farther from the south and entrenched racist culture than Seattle, WA! No one knew what nigger meant. At some time, maybe when I was 9 or 10, someone brought a Little Black Sambo book and we decided it must have been the tiger Sambo chased around the tree so fiercly he made tiger butter out of him!
    Then, one day, someone informed us kids what “nigger” meant and why we shouldn’t use the word. But this was a little confusing to me for a couple of reasons. So, it wasn’t the tiger, it was Sambo! I liked Sambo. I thought he was brave and successful. Why would the word “nigger” be a bad thing if it referred to Sambo? It wouldn’t be until a few years later, after we moved to New York, after I was exposed to a different kind of culture and learned about southern racism, the Civil War, the origins and purpose of the KKK, that I would understand the significance of this word.
    I never used the word “nigger” other than in that rhyme. Never felt the incliniation. I had a terrific mentor in my Seattle neighborhood who, coincidentally, was a beautiful black woman, very prim and proper and poised, who taught me social grace and manners and who instilled into me a fine sense of style and sophistication. She augmented what I learned from my mother and had learned from my Norwegian foster family in earlier years. She was and has remained for half a century one of the most meaningful and profoundly important relationships of my life.

    I do not think many black people believe what is being done to Paula Dean is fair, decent or ethically conscienable. I think they see it as I do, outragious and shameful. There is no justification in this situation in destroying this woman’s life and stripping her of her life’s work. It is a manifestation of another kind of ugly that worms its way into mankind. Its the same ugly that caused the Inquisitions, the witch hunts, inhumane slavery, MacCarthism, Islamisist terrorism… and our own present hypocritical culture of selective vilification, blame and persecution. It will be a VERY welcome relief, albeit tinged with embarrassment, when our culture finally passes through this present ignoble phase and sees in 20/20 hindsight how wrong we were.

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