Patrick Schwarzenegger Changed His Name to Patrick Shriver

May 18th, 2011 // 74 Comments

As absolutely everyone, including people in his own party, continues to be not even close to surprised by the news that Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a love-child with the help and kept it a secret from Maria Shriver while the woman worked in their home and brought the kid around for a decade, Patrick Schwarzenegger has now reacted even further than just saying he had a shitty day by changing his name to Patrick Shriver. Which makes sense considering there’s an 11-year-old Hispanic Arnold running around, and apparently several high school football stars who just assumed they were from Krpyton. “Mahm and dahd, vhy can I throw a vootbahl into space? Is it a tumah?”

Photo: Splash News


  1. Greg Suarez

    “I hate you, daddy! You did bad things to mommy and made her cry! I never want to see you again and I’m changing my name to mommy’s name! Now buy me an island a fleet of Ferraris and maybe I’ll still tell you that ‘Junior’ was a good movie.”

  2. Patrick Schwarzenegger Changing Name
    Commented on this photo:

    is he really 11?!

  3. let me guess, was this kid named after patrick kennedy? you know, the one who fathered a child with his own babysitter? (or was patrick the rapist..?) just sayin..

    • TomFrank

      Get your Kennedys (Kennedies?) straight. It was Michael Kennedy who bedded the underage babysitter, and it was William Kennedy Smith who was acquitted of sexual assault. Patrick Kennedy was the Rhode Island Congressman who was addicted to OxyContin. Although it’s more likely that Patrick Shriver was named for his great-grandfather, Patrick Joseph Kennedy.

      • Ah ok, Patrick Joseph Kennedy, the wall street insider trader, and bootlegger.
        Point is, it’s pretty disingenuous to cherry pick what name you want to absolve yourself of when the ‘good’ side of your family is every bit as corrupt as the ‘bad’ side..

      • The boy, Patrick Shriver’s maternal grandfather is Sargent Shriver. His great grandfather on his mother’s mother’s side is Joseph Patrick Kennedy.

        Regardless, if you add up that family’s decency IQ you still get a negative number. Scumbags, all of ‘em.


      • some dude

        whew…the mind reels…and that is without a mention of Chappaquiddick…the “waitress sandwich”…the exploits of “mattress Jack”…

    • TomFrank

      So I left off a second “great-” back there. Sue me.

  4. I’ve seen pictures and can at least guarantee that Patrick’s penis is bigger than his father’s. So name or no name, he’ll always have that going for him.

  5. cc

    As Mr Suarez implied above, the kid should have waited until he could bag his old man for the biggest payday imaginable, and then changed his name.

  6. Cock Dr

    Impregnating the housekeeper (and then continuing for years to keep her & the child in the same household as the wife & kids) is pretty low class.
    I support young Patrick’s decision to distance himself from the Gropenator.
    Also, nice abs on the young one.

  7. Deacon Jones

    Real nice pics, FISH.

    I just had to explain to the cute IT girl next to me, why I was looking at a shirtless teen boy when the web page froze during loading and I couldnt scroll down.


  8. It had to be said

    If he was going to change his name anyway, why not something cool like Megadeath Partick Sargent Shriver, or Pimp Daddy Abalicious Shriver?

  9. Ole one eye Rough

    Oh gee, what a sad life. How do you make it another day kid?

  10. S'up Bitches!

    I don’t know about you, but whenever I see that add for “Fingerhut” I get all kinds of dirty thoughts.

    P.S. That kid has money to burn. Fuck him and his hurt feelings.

  11. Turd Ferguson

    Momma’s Boy.

  12. How old is THAT gorgeous thing? Christ. I’m totally a pedophile so I don’t even care. Bring it here!

  13. Ranier Wolfcastle

    That a good looking boy!

  14. Mildred Baena Arnold Schwarzenegger Love Child
    Commented on this photo:

    whoa…wtf Arnold…W…T…F!!!

  15. the captain

    ……maybe he should try “Vandenberg”?

  16. molly

    straight up, break me off a piece of THAT

  17. If I were Arnold, my will would be updated today to say that it only applies to people legally named Schwarzenegger…see how long junior’s little tantrum lasts then.

  18. SuperficialAdmin

    Patric is an embarrassment to his father much the same way Nick HOgan is to Hulk Hogans name. Both boys do not live up to their father.

  19. I would kick his and his old man’s ass!!!

  20. How fucking dumb is Maria Shriver? She comes from he most prominent Democratic families in the country, then gets her Republican husband elected to be one of the worst governors in history by defending him when about a million and one women come out and say he sexually harrassed them. Imagine that, an action star ‘roid freak only knowing how to bankrupt the state. Not that the dumbasses in the electorate wouldn’t have voted for Conan anyway. As far as I’m concerned, this bitch is either retarded or as bad a person as he is.

    • Sami

      actually, the CA govt and unions refused to limit their spending and AS got stuck. He still deserves criticism, esp since he saw a former wrestler (Jesse Ventura) got his political self destroyed trying to be Savior (governor) of Minnesota. AS has no one to blame but himself.

      Yet I find this whole scenario over rated. Like Tiger Woods, people invested way too much in this dude. I also believe that since he was a Republican, people are really trashing him

  21. Mildred Baena Arnold Schwarzenegger Love Child
    Commented on this photo:

    new pussy

  22. Steelerchick

    I wonder why Maria didn’t notice this kid that was brought around wasn’t Arnold’? Everytime he left he said “I’LL BE BACK” . What a dummy!

  23. molly

    also, how can u not notice when your husband has an illegitimate child in your presence?

    “gee, Consuela’s son sure has a prominent jaw and really big biceps for a 10 yr old..”

  24. Artie Fatbuckle

    I think he should embrace the bullshit on both sides and go with Shrivernegger.

  25. Jess

    Good for him. My mum changed her name after her dad left. However, that was a couple of years afterwards, with the Terminators it’s been like what, a week?

  26. Patrick Schwarzenegger Changing Name
    A Curious Fellow
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope this kid plays a superhero sometime in his acting career.

  27. Arnold’s love child looks just like him, now that Patrick doesn’t want anything to do with him, he can slip in there and fill the void lol

  28. Patrick Schwarzenegger Changing Name
    Commented on this photo:

    Patrick Lopez: because the most cutting spite is sometimes an afterthought.

  29. OMG ladies!! i felt so bad until i finally read down to your comments! i don’t think i should be so flipping excited about this kid since, i too have a 16 yr old son & i’d literally snatch an old biddy’s face clean smooth off for looking @ my child the way i’m looking @ this one!! look on the bright side, we ALL stand a chance with this poor kid, looking @ his families track record with women & now his roid ragin, panty peeping, preemie pecker havin pops! suck it up kid, & do what every spoiled hollywood kid does….put coke in your lipstick case, steal a crap ass cheap necklace, drive drunk, then blame the paparazzi for photographing you leaving a 5 star hotel with a prostitute! now that is WINNING young lad! by the way, ditch the JFK Jr hyannis port hair don’t, its bad luck!

    • mamamiasweetpeaches

      Ya know a good way to punich your parents, Patrick? Have lots and lots of sex with middle-aged women! The line starts HERE, Ladies!

      • mamamiasweetpeaches

        I mean “punish” and by “middle aged I mean I am 40. Maybe he can bring a 22 year old friend with him?

  30. Sami

    I can kinda understand why he did this, but it’s still stupid. People know who your dad is and if pat acts like a dick, they will say that he’s just like dad

  31. Brooke

    Having a long last name sucks anyway, so good for the kid.
    I’m actually surprised he’s fairly good looking… I guess he got the better genes from both sides. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out the same way for the love child, because he looks exactly like his dad…

  32. The Pope of Cleveland

    I can hear the theme song to “One Tree Hill” playing in the background.

  33. Danielle

    God, he is gorgeous!!!

  34. Helena Handbasket

    2 smart careers moves: change that last name, and take off that shirt.

  35. Anna

    he is cute! is it wrong? how old is he?

  36. They should have a reality show called the Neggers. Or the Aristocrats.

  37. Patrick Schwarzenegger Changing Name
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought he was okay with his dad.

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