Patrick Schwarzenegger Might’ve Cheated On Miley Cyrus

From a purely genetics standpoint, Patrick Schwarzenegger should’ve already cheated on Miley Cyrus no less than one hundred times and developed an autoerotic response to Lysol. You can’t fight nature. So the fact that he may or may not have been completely busted cheating with some chick at Spring Break really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone because those are toilet-scrubbing hands if I’ve ever seen them, but let’s hear his denial anyway. Via Twitter:

And now here are Miley Cyrus’ social media messages since this shit broke which either crack this thing wide open or are another cautionary tale about inbreeding. Your guess is as good as mine. Via Instagram:

da most biewteous thang in da whole wide world iz friendship. yiew choose dem outta all da billion trillion and beyond dey are da onez dat days seem toooo short with…. Yiew wish dey could just go on foreva (that’s why sometimes yiew skip da sleepin part) i am layin in da gra$$ lookin up at all da clouds and tryin to even get a lil solaaaa gaze action jusss bein still … & bein thankful. biewty is all around us and we izzzz so lucky to be on dis planet. (I mean seriously wtf are the chances we all meet da onez we love) Feeling supaaaa blisssssed or maybe I’m juzzzz stoned ✌️

And whatever the hell that was came with this photo:

Followed by this passive-aggressive shit:

Getting drunk with her mom:

This photo captioned “Current mood.”

More passive-aggressive shit:

And, finally, undying love for this pig:

Verdict: This is the out she’s been waiting for. Pig-babies, HOOOOOOOOOO!

Photos: Instagram