Paris Hilton defies science, turns 27

Paris Hilton, in sheer defiance of quarantine-worthy herpes, celebrated her 27th birthday this weekend and threw an 80s themed party where she showed up looking like Rainbow Brite’s cokehead sister. E! News also reports that Sam “Mixmaster” Lutfi was in attendance. He was probably pouring drinks all night and many partygoers went home feeling the strange desire to flash their vaginas. Even the men. Yup, Sam is that good. We should hang out. But no grave pissing. I just shampooed my car seats.

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News