Here’s a pic a reader sent me of Paris Hilton who’s currently on tour with Benji Madden. Apparently the two of them are incapable of pulling their own luggage and made poor Old Man River do the heavy lifting. Granted, if Benji performed any sort of manual labor, his arms would snap off. Then where would he put his sweet tats? I mean, those babies show he’s a tough guy. A real man’s man, if you will.
Thanks to Rich who’s not a gigantic tool that believes the elderly should be used for slave labor. They can, however, be used as skis. Whee!
s | March 24, 2008 at 12:56 pm
1st!
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | March 24, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Hey, that heart medication ain’t gonna pay for itself, grandpa…
Auntie Kryst | March 24, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I don’t know, I think I may have to call bullshit on this story. For all we know that wise old man saw those two douchefuckers coming his way, and he’s just trying to get himself and his luggage away from these pieces of dog shit.
Veroonica | March 24, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Actually, they would make better sleds. They take those small rocks and stumps a lot better on the chin once they necrify.
scru mi speling | March 24, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Even though she is the filthiest most hideous whore on earth Benji is still way too fugly for her. I mean look at him. Ladies would you touch that?
I love how the tables have turned, seems like Paris is now trying to live Nicole’s life. “Awe I want a short ugly sucky faux rocker bitch to father my bastard child through some kind of freakish miracle since with my low body weight I shouldn’t even be getting my period anymore.”
Not that Paris could ever express herself so eloquently. She probably just pointed to Benji and then poointed to her infested rabid coocth and winked her wonkey eye at him, as to say “hey Benji this diseased poon is aaaaaall yours come to mama” (future mama)
Just to remind everyone in case they forgot, Paris reproducing is the first sign of the apocalypse.
yy | March 24, 2008 at 1:09 pm
it seems that helping others will kills these two peabrains. is it that hard just to lend a helping hand? even if it is a stranger like what no.3 says.
Linda | March 24, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I normally do not post a comment about Paris because she is not worth my time, but the Old Man River comment made me laugh.
lol!
BenjiIsAFag | March 24, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Benji Madden = BM = Bowel Movement. Yes I saw that here first, just re-iterating the fact for emphasis.
This fat pale tatooed pussy probably takes it from behind with Paris’ strapon ramming him mercilessly.
sportsdvl | March 24, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Paris may be a used up whore but dating this loser? She has lost her mind (along with her panties).
oh, #1 – yep, still a loser!
eddie | March 24, 2008 at 1:12 pm
its probably form ashtons new show, pop fiction
veggi | March 24, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Hmmm, I always try to make sure I have two things to carry. That way when someone asks “can you help me carry this?” I can say “sorry, I already have these two things.”
handy
scru mi speling | March 24, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Oh I didn’t even read the story. Me no like read.
Anyfucks that better be just some poor elderly man who got caught in the photo op of the hideously pathetic PR stunt that is the union of these two fucking douchetards. Because if that was an old man carrying (pulling) their young ass luggage there should be another photo of someone (a hero) beating the might shit out of these fucking hobgoblins.
Everyday I am given a new reason to hate this woman, some days it’s just that she’s still alive but, most of the time it’s her fucking, spoiled, bitch, attention whoring slutnanigans.
Fukstik | March 24, 2008 at 1:24 pm
So in Africa they have white doormen ? How ironic…
Mike | March 24, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Veggi, that’s why i always walk around holding my penis in my hand.
gotmilk? | March 24, 2008 at 1:29 pm
8, Paris has her own dick. no need for a strap on.
lazy pants | March 24, 2008 at 1:29 pm
#11. Smart stuff. I use the same philosophy at work, where I always pretend I’m working so whenever someone asks me to help out I can’t because I’m busy doing this and that for so an so. Really I’ve not accomplished a single productive workplace thing in five years. Unless you count ranting here, then I’m the personification of productivity.
Also if anyone asks you to do chores (wife/husband, roomate, parents) do the chore as horribly as possible and they’ll never ask you to do it again, they might even stop you half way through and say “nevermind I’ll do it myself”
THE UNIVERSE | March 24, 2008 at 1:32 pm
PARIS HILTON: GO AWAY
jeff | March 24, 2008 at 1:35 pm
i’m continuing my crusade to expose benji madden as boy george. have you ever noticed how the two have never been photographed together? it’s not just because the light from the flash bulb would send them into a vampiric albino rage, it’s also because they are the same person.
true | March 24, 2008 at 1:38 pm
#18. LOL. Especially @ “vampiric albino rage”.
Racer X | March 24, 2008 at 1:43 pm
FAKE!!!
poonmoon | March 24, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Yuck, look at his shoes. Those are the lamest shoes on the planet.
The old man has better shoes than Benji the dog. Maybe Benji’s trying to be a good fake boyfriend and take attention away from Parisites hideous sasquatch chewbaka feet. Poor ugly big foot, the nasty skankwhore has to wear boats instead of shoes.
Jimbo | March 24, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Mike, In your hand or between your fingers??
BunnyButt | March 24, 2008 at 1:50 pm
16 & 11, don’t forget the other rule: Never, ever volunteer for anything. Once you do, you’re viewed as a weak pushover that can be trod upon at will; therefore, just the person for every shit job/chore no one else will do. No one will appreciate you for it, you’ll gain no reward, everyone will laugh at you behind your back, and you’ll suffer endlessly. Remember, kids, no good deed goes unpunished.
make her go away | March 24, 2008 at 1:50 pm
How can anyone still like this devil in prada?
lazy pants | March 24, 2008 at 1:59 pm
But what if I volunteer to kick Benji Madden in the balls and Paris Hilton in the face; just one kick and two bitches go down, now that’s prdocutivity.
super | March 24, 2008 at 2:31 pm
#25.
that’s impossible because you can’t volunteer for that kind of job. volunteering means you don’t get paid, but if you did that, people would send you all kinds of money so it’s not “volunteering”
thegrayway | March 24, 2008 at 2:32 pm
More fucktards. First Heidi and Spencer now these two asshats. So not only do I want to gouge my eyes out, I’m going to have to slit my wrists. If Britney pops up it will be a perfect trifecta and I’ll just have to check out. I CAN”T TAKE IT!
lazy pants | March 24, 2008 at 2:33 pm
That was 4 # 23. Wow I fucked the hell out of the word productivity, well that’s why they call me lazy pants.
BunnyButt | March 24, 2008 at 2:36 pm
25, rules are made to be broken, which would be perfectly acceptable in this case. Best of luck to you. Oh, and I’m putting together a list of other “celebrities” for you to tend to.
lazy pants | March 24, 2008 at 2:38 pm
You are right #25. Well, maybe I have finally found a career I would put 110% into. “Kicking Celebretards”, its God’s work really.
sla | March 24, 2008 at 2:39 pm
—- Paris Hilton and Benji Madden are buttholes
Duh. Just look at them. Although “douchebags” seems more appropriate.
I used to be neutral in my opinion of BM; not any more. Anything associated with PH loses esteem in my eyes.
lazy pants | March 24, 2008 at 2:40 pm
#29. Wow my career is taking off already. I bet this is what Mrs. Johnson meant when she said I had potential.
sla | March 24, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Who would you rather do — poor Old Man River or Benji?
I give 100 to 1 odds almost everyone here would pick POMR over BM or PH.
(“almost” because there are always a few peeps who for some unexplainable reason would roll the disease dice and take a shot at Paris.)
Lowlands | March 24, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Is the old guy showing the new 2008 rollator line?
BunnyButt | March 24, 2008 at 3:04 pm
God’s blessing upon you, lazy pants, as you go forth on your holy crusade!
I’m feeling a bit verklempt after being a small part of helping you find your true calling. In fact, I believe I’ve also just found my true calling: High school career counselor. Think of the positive impact I can have on young people’s lives!
elfinabox | March 24, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Erm…is it just me or does anyone else think that douche Benji Madden looks like that other douche Boy George from Culture Club? The bald-looking head, the pale, bloated face…just give him a reflective jacket and a broom (and a drug habit) and he’s there.
granada | March 24, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Why do the Maddens have such a terrible case of double-chinitis?
j | March 24, 2008 at 3:46 pm
lol at #5
lazy pants | March 24, 2008 at 3:56 pm
elfinabox (#36) meet jeff ( #18) and now go make babies (or adopt if you are same sex. Lazy pants does not judge you.. I’m just too lazy to judge and I’m not a biggot). Yay BunnyButt look I’m a matchmaker too! Bunny, the kids would be lucky to have you. Just remember to tell them that almost all celebrities are losers and that idolizing celebs will give them acne or more acne (teens are ascared of acne).
NY Ted | March 24, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Check out the goofy blank expression on Hiltons mug!
Fuck….the old bastard is having a hard time with a flight bag…hate to see when the real luggage arrives!
Clem | March 24, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Sunglasses at night. Class.
pasty penis | March 24, 2008 at 4:25 pm
benji looks like boy george does now. not a good look considering there is about a 20 year age difference.
http://m.gmgrd.co.uk/res/646.$plit/C_71_article_1015445_image_list_image_list_item_0_image.jpg
BarelyStearn | March 24, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I’m sorry but which one is Benji Madden…? Actually, don’t tell me: It doesn’t matter — Although kudos to the guy who ISN’T Benji Madden — he doesn’t have to bang Paris and pretend he’s enjoying it whilst his inner penis voice is screaming “You bastard! F*ck you! I’ll fall off and leave you toting a strap-on for the rest of the days you roam this earth…”
sushified | March 24, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Umm…sorry to say but it looks like they both are actually carrying something, and we have really no idea who this man is or who that small suitcase belongs to…It looks a little bit too small to belong to paris, and men dont usually own white suitcases…but who knows, right? I also travel often by plane and find it really difficult sometimes to carry everything myself…especially when you’ve got to wait like 2 hours for security. Paying someone to help you doesnt necessarily mean your an asshole.
Alright! | March 24, 2008 at 4:50 pm
This is really important “news.”
In other news, there’s a celebutwat walking around with a cup full of Starbucks, Britney Spears did something nutty, and some 40 year old with an unlimited supply of cash to buy personal trainers is comfortable walking around in a bikini (even if the those around her are wretching over the sight.)
alex | March 24, 2008 at 7:29 pm
i would volunteer to help them, too.. then “accidentally” wheel their tacky designer luggage straight into a muddy puddle
yeah | March 24, 2008 at 8:51 pm
he looks sick…like a pale sick dog. They’re perfect for each other though, both ugly as sin.
fucking disrespectful | March 24, 2008 at 9:07 pm
that picture is just wrong. I want those two to just die..RIGHT NOW.
Eww | March 24, 2008 at 9:57 pm
How annoying – as if you can’t handle transporting that surprisingly mini carry-on. This kind of celebrity hoity toity just irritates the hell out of me – the man is OLD and likely to suffer some sort of fatal reaction from even minor movement. How can someone in their 20′s just stand there and say ‘take this gramps, I’m too tired from my first class flight and that terrible limo ride that cost me more than you’ll make this year’. They better have tipped him more than the standard fiver.
Just think if it was your grammpy – at that age I’d hope folks would be tucking themselves in after an evening tea, alarm set for 4:30am, just enough time to get ready for sunrise.
Shameful and embarassing – poo poo Benji and Paris, poo. poo.
jason | March 24, 2008 at 10:15 pm
i love them even though someone on yahoo said they joined a online datin site wealthyloves. c o m. i think they maybe want to make more friends.