Here’s Paris Hilton spending a typical day of her life getting doused with champagne in St. Tropez yesterday. — With Spider-man?! Dammit! While this brings absolutely no new information to the table, it rehashes the age-old discussion on whether or not pouring champagne on a woman reduces your chances of acquiring VD during unprotected intercourse. I lie to myself that it does, while some naysayers – let’s call them “doctors” – say it doesn’t and refuse to treat me without a HAZMAT suit on because they’re obviously racists. Trust me, Andrew Breitbart will prove it even if it’s entirely false. Sic ‘em, boy!