Here’s the official trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man 2 which shows right away that the filmmakers tackled the two villain problem from Spider-Man 3 by going, “What if we have a million villains?” To which a studio exec replied, “I like it, I like it. But hear me out, what if.. The Rhino’s also a Transformer? BOOSH.” And that’s how you score a mansion made out of cocaine. The End.
There was a surprising amount of goodwill given to James Franco and Seth Rogen‘s “Bound 3″, so to Santorum all over that, here’s the former reminding everyone he’s still an avant garde pugilist social experimentalist restauranteur cumberbund radicchio saisson d’ Maya Angelou with his new think-piece “50 shades of batman and robin” which features an S&M Batsuit and, more subtly, Batman with jizz on his head. As a lover of comic books and a social commentator myself, I can’t help but feel that last one really challenges the viewer to reexamine pop culture’s love of superheroes through the prism of why we’re not jizzing on more of their masks. Is it because some of them, such as The Flash, are too fast? Or is it because modern sensibilities have ensnared us in a prison of our own device where fictional characters gallivant about, unencumbered by semen on their heads? And, for the record, that’s not me laying the groundwork for people to jizz on Jesus. Although, since you brought it up…
James Franco’s Jizzed On Batman Mask After The Jump
- George Clooney: ‘If you’re on Twitter, you’re a moron.’ [Lainey Gossip]
- Frank Ocean‘s cousin is suing Chris Brown for $3 million. [Dlisted]
- My Pulse Races For Redheads [theCHIVE]
- Farrah Abraham claims she’s working with Comedy Central now. WHY, GOD?! [Fishwrapper]
- Paul Walker conspiracy theories are too crazy for even InfoWars. [The Daily Banter]
- Here’s how the Internet reacted to breastless Wonder Woman. [tooFab]
- George H.W. Bush wears socks with his own face on them. [BuzzFeed]
- Hel-the-fuck-lo, Kelly Scem… [Popoholic]
- The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is coming along nicely. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Agent Scully topless with an eel, anyone? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Lou Ferrigno says Mark Ruffalo is getting a solo Hulk movie. [FilmDrunk]
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed which you’ll notice is a little light. It could be the usual holiday slump, but I like to believe it’s because the paparazzi were all tied up taking eight million shots of Billy Ray Cyrus doing whatever the hell this is. You don’t walk away from that shit without at least two full memory cards. There’s also Cedric The Entertainer who thinks you can use 138 Water like hunters use deer piss (Disclaimer: 138 Water may or may not be actual deer piss), and yoga pants butts. Today was Yoga Pants Butt Day.
I wasn’t kidding, here’s another one,
- Photo Boy
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
When you’re an 18-year-old boy, there’s really not a whole lot you won’t fuck. Actually that’s true for any man at any age, but it completely ruins the setup for this joke, so just assume it only pertains to 18-year-old males. I’ll be your best friend. When you’re 18, you’ll fuck anything which is all you need to know going into this story. Page Six reports:
Sources say the 27-year-old actress is cozying up to Liam Neeson’s 18-year-old son, Michael.
The two were spotted Friday partying at hot spot Finale, where spies tell us they snuck off to the women’s bathroom together at one point.
Wait, wait, wait. I may not be hip to kids today with their moving picture GIFs and Miley Cyrus vagina records, but I’m pretty sure blowing a dude for coke in a bathroom isn’t “cozying up” as much as it’s a “drug deal.” Which must be great news to Liam Neeson who has a particular.. list of people that won’t get killed by Hitler. Ha! You thought I was going to say set of skills. You should’ve seen your faces. *jabs sewing needles into your kneecaps, ziplines away with a croissant*
Photos: Getty, Splash News
One of the worst kept secrets about Batman Vs. Superman is that it would feature a cameo by Wonder Woman. A Wonder Woman who will not be played by Jaimie Alexander because apparently even her breasts are too big for whatever the hell they’re trying to do here. Variety reports:
Gal Gadot will play Wonder Woman in the untitled “Batman vs. Superman” movie.
“Wonder Woman is arguably one of the most powerful female characters of all time and a fan favorite in the DC Universe. Not only is Gal an amazing actress, but she also has that magical quality that makes her perfect for the role. We look forward to audiences discovering Gal in the first feature film incarnation of this beloved character,” Snyder said
This decision comes on the heels of Warner Bros. reportedly planning to rush out three comic book movies a year because even though Thor: The Dark World was a goddamn mess, money. The good news, though, is that Ben Affleck only agreed to play Batman because Daredevil was so fucking awful it haunts him to this day, and I’m pretty sure he could take Zack Snyder in a fight. “So, for this scene, Batman and Superman start to fight in like this huge CGI tornad- oh my God, that’s an Oscar up my ass. Ben Affleck just shoved an Oscar up my ass. Yield, I yield. He’s your director now.”
Here’s a braless Adriana Lima on a photo shoot in Mexico on Sunday while wearing a soaking wet Coca-Cola tank top. Which is interesting because didn’t Taylor Swift just sign a deal with Coke? The same Taylor Swift Victoria’s Secret fired Jessica Hart over after making all its models sing her songs? I don’t want to say this is some Illuminati shit, but the tip of my penis just turned into a pyramid with an eye in the middle. And now it’s telling me in Latin to remove all non-approved pics of Beyonce before delivering the head of every first-born to the Kimye child. Yes, my master…