When Photo Boy slapped together these pics of Britney Spears leaving The Cheesecake Factory, he made sure to point out the look of sheer joy on her face. Which is almost definitely because of The Cheesecake Factory, but she could’ve just as easily watched Frozen so she’d stay in the booth. Have you seen that movie? The snowman talks! Anyway, the point of this post is she left without paying because why would Britney Spears understand basic concepts like the exchange of goods for services? “Y’all just walk in and eats!” The important thing is her dad quickly squared things away with the waitress while making it look like his daughter isn’t weaving in and out of restaurants like they’re her personal Golden Corral. TMZ reports:
Now she’s bringing in the ultimate peacemaker to make things right — Benjamin Franklin. Our Britney sources tell us the waitress is getting a $100 tip — more than 300%. That’s on top of the $30 tab.
We’re told Britney — who left with hard evidence of her heist (a doggie bag) — felt terrible about the mistake.
Witnesses say Britney walked into the restaurant carrying the bill in her mouth and had lots of questions about why grow’d ups like paper so much. She reportedly has a whole drawer of it in her bedroom, and a man named “Papa” buys more at “Walls-mart” if she colors “squigglies” on “bofe” sides. “Ain’t y’all got Papas?”
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News
If there’s one thing that sticks it to your ex while he plows his way through aquatic ass-beasts, it’s a new tattoo, so here’s Selena Gomez showing off hers on Instagram. It apparently translates to “Love Yourself First” which is incredible because that’s literally all I do in the sack. It’s practically my signature move, so clearly our fates are intertwined and it’s cool if I break into your house and start packing stuff to move into my apartment. Our love doesn’t need verbal agreements. (Totes writing that on my back in Pig Latin.)
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Xposure/AKM-GSI
When director Paul Haggis quit Scientology, the church labeled him a suppressive person and vowed to destroy his life. Which seems like an idle threat until you see him in these pictures handing Lindsay Lohan a Biggest Comeback Award, so clearly these people don’t fuck around. There’s destroying a man’s life, and then there’s crushing his soul to the point where he realizes there’s more dignity in jerking the Thetans out of Tom Cruise and locking women in the engine room of a slave ship. At least then he got a medal.
Photos: Splash News, Xposure/AKM-GSI
- I already went nerd crazy with Lady Thor, so here’s a whole bunch of Avengers 2 info/pics. [Lainey Gossip]
- Lana Del Rey doesn’t want anyone to listen to her music now. Done. [Dlisted]
- Wait, the butt makes coffee, too? [theCHIVE]
- Rose McGowan knows Michael Jackson tried to look like her? What? [Fishwrapper]
- Good God, Hannah Ferguson… [Popoholic]
- Jenny McCarthy is still trying to say she wasn’t fired from The View. [Starpulse]
- Winnie Cooper got engaged. GODDAMMIT. [tooFab]
- Hey, remember Courtney Stodden? Whatever happened with that? [Hollywood Tuna]
- Jesus Fucking Bananaballs Christ, Genevieve Morton. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where we’ve supplanted our usual large-titted famewhore for 90s The Rock in the lead position because this is the Internet and Kid ‘n’ Play hair + a leather fanny pack > Coco‘s nipple tassles. *rechecks tape on adding machine* Yep, that checks out. We’ve also got Snooki‘s pregnant ass because I hate your ability to see, Dane Cook because HAHA, remember him?, and Cameron Diaz tumbling around The Tonight Show set because she’s still so young and fun!
Seriously though, someone should probably call an ambulance, there are pieces of her hip everywhere.
- Photo Boy
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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
Here’s Paris Hilton‘s new video for “Come Alive” which I didn’t make Photo Boy screencap because I like to draw the line at sexually-tinged indentured servitude. Anyway, I don’t know what the digital equivalent of taking a piss on something then lighting it on fire is (Wait. Yes, I do.), so here are some bikini photos from last week which I suggest looking at instead of watching Paris Hilton sing about emotions she’ll never be incapable of feeling. I’m pretty sure if she had a child, she’d probably just make a butler polish it or something.
“Ms. Hilton, I believe your son requires – ahem – feeding.”
“Uhhhh, you have nipples.”
“Very good, mum.”
“Hey, everyone look at my new wife I found!”
“Thank you, sir, I was out there for weeks after falling from that boat. I’m so very hungry.”
“Isn’t she lovely?”
“Sir, please, I’m losing consciousness.”
“Wanna see me kiss her?!”
Yup, nailed it.