Posted by Photo Boy
While Amanda Bynes self-medicates with tons of weed and tweets selfies 80 times an hour, Catherine Zeta-Jones has once again entered a mental health facility for what appears to be routine management of her treatment. People reports:
Meanwhile, a source tells PEOPLE that Zeta-Jones was planning to return to treatment as a way for doctors to monitor her medication. “There was no big problem,” says a friend. “This was just a good time to do it. She is in between projects. This has always been part of the plan. She would manage her health. She is vigilant about it.”
I’m aware of how shitty it is to even mention these two in the same conversation, but the comparison is hard to avoid. I mean, does Catherine even know what pictures of her the magazines are choosing right now? Is she even aware that if she just obeys orders from the shouting bong smoke giant, Drake will show up and murder the bipolar right out of her vagina?
[Ed Note - Everyone else sees the floating image of a screaming, middle-aged man up there, right? Ok, good. - PB]
Posted by Photo Boy
While I think comic books are cool and have spawned some decent flicks, I don’t really know much about them. I have no clue what it means for something to be “cannon,” or whether anything happening in these photos is some amazing reference to an issue where the author hinted at a link to another universe because those blueprints are actually plans for a Death Star. GRAB YOUR INHALERS I MIXED TWO NERDY GENRES IN ONE JOKE BLASPHEMY!! Having not hermetically sealed my penis to retain its value, I understand the subtle nuances of romance and you can’t tell me this isn’t a sex scene. There’s the gentle disrobing of foreplay, followed by a brief resistance to succumb to one’s own desire, then the passionate lover’s embrace which in my case always ends in post-coital regret and shame. Plus, it’s part of this unnecessarily re-booted franchise which has already proven their playbook is nothing but shit we’ve already seen in previous versions. BOOM! — Take that, geeks! I’m fired, aren’t I?
Photo: Splash News
- Of course Chris Martin was photographed with “cupping” marks on his back. [Lainey Gossip]
- This Kim K look-a-like in Ray J‘s ‘I Hit It First’ video is missing about 48 pounds of buttmeat. [Dlisted]
- College: There’s a good chance someone from one of these pics is actually dead already. [theCHIVE]
- Courtney Stodden admits to showing her penis to RuPaul is how I interpreted this. [tooFab]
- Nobody’s buying Rob Kardashian‘s stupid socks. He’ll probably have to get a real jo–BAHAHAHAHAHA! [BuzzFeed]
- Ashley Benson is tweeting bikini photos now. [Popoholic]
- The Radio Disney Music Awards: Which One Will Be On Heroin Or Have A Sex Tape In 2016? [IDLYITW]
- Arianny Celeste + Bikini + Iron Man = Nergasm. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Johnny Depp made Amber Heard switch teams. She’s a scarfsexual now. [Celebslam]
- Aubrey O’Day Instagrammed her butt (and some of her boob). [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Lindsay Lohan is already planning to bail on rehab. Of course. [Amy Grindhouse]
- ‘Under Siege – The Silent Movie’ is a goddamn masterpiece. [FilmDrunk]
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Photos: Fame/Flynet, INF, Pacific Coast News
I’m sure you guys have gathered that I’m filling in for Fish while he’s “whistlin’ dixie” or whatever the southern phrase is for discreetly checking out boardshort bulges from behind aviators. Something about bumps on a log? I don’t know, I went to college. Anyway, there won’t be any genuine The Crap We Missed posts this week because those things take me a shit-ton of time to curate — yes, they deserve this high-class verb — so I’ll be wasting all my time this week not finding pictures of Prince Charles crapping in fighter jets. (Please send hatemail to firstname.lastname@example.org) You’ll have to settle for random bikini galleries in his place, which I know is both a travesty and an affront to the crown.
Ah fuck, I couldn’t help myself. Feed my lovelies, FEED!!
- Photo Boy
Photo: Bauer-Griffin, WENN
“This is how mommy secured your college fund. Kidding! I’m totally spending it on cars and butt implants.”
Posted by Photo Boy
Teen Mom Farrah Abraham is officially a successful scam artist and pornographer after securing a deal with Vivid for close to a million dollars fuck this world I really don’t know why any of us even bother anymore. TMZ:
Even though Farrah said she was considering other offers … sources close to the situation tell TMZ, Farrah finally inked a deal with Vivid … for close to a million dollars.
I don’t know if it’s worse knowing you’ll probably have to spend the early years of your retirement raising your shithole daughter’s kid, or knowing that your buddies are definitely already waiting to watch her get nailed — in the backdoor no less — on the internet, but either way I’ll be outside slamming my nuts in car door because so help me god if I ever father a daughter.
Photo: Pacific Coast News
Posted by Photo Boy
If you’ve ever wondered how Chris Brown turned into an entitled, whining little piece of shit who won’t own up to a single awful thing he’s done, turns out the answer’s his dad. Daily News reports:
“I personally really didn’t want him and Rihanna back together,” said Clinton Brown, 48.
He then pondered,
“Is that a given — that you can’t have fortune and fame without (death) being the end result?”
He elaborates about Rihanna‘s wild partying and something about balance in a relationship, obviously unaware of how Chris already has that shit on lock via the principles of pussy ownership. “I remember when Chris was three and his cousin Jimmy peeped his Tonka trucks,” Brown’s dad continued, “I just couldn’t believe that boy would be so selfish to look at those toys without even asking, I told Chris over hot fudge sundaes after we dropped Jimmy at the E.R.”
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News