Jared Leto’s Penis Is A Massive Roman Guard

August 20th, 2014 // 13 Comments
Jared Leto Praetorian Guard Penis

In an interview with FrontiersLA, Alexis Arquette revealed that not only did she have sex with Jared Leto, but it was back when she was still Robert Arquette and that Jared’s dick apparently looks like a giant feathered helmet which can’t be healthy. One time, mine looked like Ant-Man‘s mask and doctors only gave me four weeks to live. Which was odd because the modeling glue eventually wore off. Anyway…

JB: Tell me a secret!
AA: I had sex with Jared Leto back when I was presenting as a male. And, yes, it’s not only massive; it’s like a Praetorian Guard’s helmet.

And while you’d think one man describing another man’s penis as a fully decorated Roman soldier is about as homoerotic as it gets, here’s Tom Cruise taking the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge eight times shortly after the news broke which I’m sure was purely a coincidence. He’s probably just very concerned about MS or whatever frail human weakness this was for again. Just keeping bringing the buckets. He’s still thinking about helmets. Hard, turgid helmets… HURRY.

Tom Cruise Takes The Ice Bucket Challenge 8 Times After The Jump

Adrianne Curry’s In A Bikini, Too, And Other News

August 20th, 2014 // 16 Comments

- Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart might be back together. He cleans the pool so well! [Lainey Gossip]

- When Lindsay Lohan dies, there’s a backup waiting. [Dlisted]

- The Green Cheeky Bottom Chivette Reveals Herself [theCHIVE]

- The only person getting wet from Vin Diesel naked is Vin Diesel. [Fishwrapper]

- Writers are pulling their shit off Thought Catalog by the droves. [The Frisky]

- Holy hell, Cora Deitz. [WWTDD]

- What’s up, Jenna Dewan? [Popoholic]

- Ant-Man wears a hoodie?! HOLY SHIT. [Starpulse]

- Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul did something together. You click now. [tooFab]

- Jessica Lowndes went to something. It’s not important. [IDLYITW]

- Kaley Cuoco‘s implants look good in a tank top. [Hollywood Tuna]

- How you doing, Yara Khmidan? [Celebslam]

- Xenia Deli‘s in lingerie. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Getty

The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 8.19.14

August 19th, 2014 // 423 Comments

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed featuring this Mike Brown rally pic that I’m sure you guys are going to load up with positive affirmation after positive affirmation. There is simply no way this photo will result in a diatribe on race relations ending in a Chicago crime statistic that holds no applicable comparison the incident being discussed. I will be totally shocked if Fish hauls me into his office, takes away my mouse and badge, and lectures me on how the commissioner is going to be up his ass on this one. It simply won’t happen.

*clicks ‘Publish,’ watches fire, beautiful dancing fire…can’t…pull…eyes…away…*

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Kate Upton’s Ice Bucket Challenge Is Horseshit

August 19th, 2014 // 35 Comments
Kate Upton Ice Bucket Challenge

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge involves dumping buckets of freezing cold ice water over your head, and Kate Upton has huge, giant breasts that people want to see soaking wet, so on paper, this should’ve been the perfect combination to raise every single money in the world. Instead, Kate Upton filmed her challenge with her boyfriend, who no one wants to see and/or acknowledge, while wearing double layers because she wants all of humanity to die at the hands of Lou Gehrig’s Disease. She couldn’t have made herself more clear.

Kate Upton’s ALS Ice Bucket Challenge After The Jump

It’s Safe Now, Apollo Theater, John McCain’s Here

August 19th, 2014 // 15 Comments
John McCain
WATCH: John McCain Does The Robot? Maybe?

Last year’s Apollo Theater fundraiser ended in Jamie Foxx grabbing Katie Holmes‘ next to Colin Powell, so this year he had his work cut out for him. Fortunately, John McCain was on hand, and if there’s one thing Republicans love, it’s apparently dancing in the Hamptons. (I could’ve sworn it was chasing gays, blacks and barren women into Mexico with AR-15s while quoting scripture, so wow, do I feel stupid.) Via Gawker:

“I looked down at McCain and he was like, ‘I can do this,’” Foxx told the Journal, “It’s the ones you don’t expect. It’s the Republicans. Republicans love to dance in the Hamptons.”

For those of you who can’t, or just don’t feel like watching the video, it’s basically this but set to music and with more black people: More »

Katy Perry’s Breasts Went To A Water Park

August 19th, 2014 // 16 Comments

Taylor Swift aside, the past 12 hours have been a pretty amazing time for breasts. So below is Katy Perry at Schlitterbahn Water Park in Kansas which is nowhere near as awesome as the time her ass fell out at Raging Waters, but at the end of the video, the camera practically smacks into one of her giant breasts as it jiggles out of the water, so try and meet me in the middle here. I swear to God you’re as bad your mother sometimes.

Katy Perry Bikini Video and GIFs After The Jump

Taylor Swift Wants To ‘Shake It Off,’ I’m On My Way

August 19th, 2014 // 48 Comments

I’m not a 15-year-old girl who got dumped before Homecoming (yet), so I couldn’t tell you how long it’s been since Taylor Swift‘s released a song, but here’s her new video for Shake It Off anyway. Which is alarming for two reasons: 1. She doesn’t have sex with Karlie Kloss in it. Not even once. And yet, 2. I will apparently sit here watching an entire four minute music video if it involves Taylor Swift’s crazy tight 24-year-old body dancing around because I can’t sit around waiting for Hilary Duff forever. There are only so many notes I can leave in her child’s crib before I have to accept the fact our relationship will never be anything more than hard, almost animal in nature, fucking. Emotions just complicate things anyway. *wipes tear* It’s nothing. Go away.

Taylor Swift ‘Shake It Off’ Video After The Jump

Goddammit, Rocky, Your Mom Cher Said Not To Leave The House

August 19th, 2014 // 38 Comments

I would’ve also accepted, “Wait, where’s his little red tricycle?” which was Photo Boy’s contribution: More »