Tracy Morgan Just Told Walmart To Go F*ck Itself

October 1st, 2014 // 19 Comments
Tracy Morgan
Tracy Sues Walmart
Tracy Morgan
Track Driver Was Overworked Before Falling Asleep Read More »

Seen here in one of the most random photographs you’ll ever see in your life, Tracy Morgan has issued a rare public statement since the car accident in June that left him needing months of physical therapy and killed his friend and mentor Jimmy Mack. It all happened because the driver of a Walmart truck allegedly fell asleep at the wheel from working too many hours prompting Tracy to sue the shit out of them. Except yesterday Walmart essentially blamed Tracy and his friends for not wearing seatbelts while its truck smashed into their car. Page Six reports:

“After I heard what Walmart said in court I felt I had to speak out,” Morgan said in a statement. “I can’t believe Walmart is blaming me for an accident that they caused.”
“My friends and I were doing nothing wrong,” Morgan continued. “I want to thank my fans for sticking with me during this difficult time. I love you all. I’m fighting hard every day to get back.”

As for why Tracy has been quiet for so long, he reportedly suffered a debilitating brain injury during the accident and may never perform again because everything is awful. But mostly Walmart who said this back in June: “We can’t change what happened, but we will do what’s right for the family of the victim and the survivors in the days and weeks ahead.” And by do what’s right they mean no longer confirming the driver of the truck is even an employee. Because sometimes random people just get in their tractor-trailers and smash them into limos on the Jersey turnpike. It could happen to anybody.

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Photo: Getty

Here’s How Awful Everything With Amanda Bynes Is Going

October 1st, 2014 // 34 Comments
It's Happening Again
Amanda Bynes Telly Video
The Old Amanda Bynes Is Back Read More »

Like most people, I just assumed Amanda Bynes was off somewhere being heavily-medicated while her parents took fancy vacations with her money. But then over the weekend, she was picked up for DUI and everyone found out her conservatorship is over and she’s out there doing whatever the fuck she wants. As for how and why her conservatorship is over, it turns out her parents willingly chose not to extend it because they’ve convinced themselves her problem isn’t mental illness, but pot and being a spoiled brat. TMZ reports:

Multiple sources connected with the family tell TMZ … Amanda’s parents do NOT think she has a mental illness. As one source put it, “They think she’s a bratty kid who thumbs her nose at them and smokes a lot of pot.”
We’re told everyone around her parents are urging them to get the conservatorship, but so far no luck. That said, it’s impossible to put Amanda on a 5150 psychiatric hold until she creates a substantial risk to herself or others.

On top of that, multiple sources at FDIM in Irvine told TMZ that Amanda was kicked out in August – before her conservatorship ended – for coming to school high, paying classmates to do her homework, cheating on tests, and generally being insane:

Amanda often ditched classes … but even when she showed up, she was clearly high, and not good at hiding it … she almost always wore sunglasses and laughed out loud at inappropriate times.
We’re told the pendulum would often swing and she would then get in “horrendous arguments.”

In her parents’ defense, they are old and probably don’t want to waste their twilight years taking care of the daughter they sold to Nickelodeon. Plus, it’s not like she’s Britney Spears whose conservatorship not only pays for itself, but turns a profit once you shove her on stage like a bear on a unicycle. Family should always be about return on investment.

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Photos: Splash News

Wiz Khalifa Might’ve Cheated On Amber Rose With Twins

October 1st, 2014 // 41 Comments
Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight Dress
Amber Rose Is Quite Accurate Read More »

So Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose‘s divorce just got interesting (to me). According to Peter Rosenberg, a DJ on Hot 97 and friend of Amber Rose, she apparently walked in on Wiz banging fashion designers Jas and Ness Rose (above) who also happen to be twin sisters. Page Six reports:

“Amber walked in on him with two women at the same time,” he said. “Twins, twin sisters, twin biological sisters.”
Rosenberg also showed a since-deleted Instagram post of the rapper with the twins, fashion designers Jas and Ness Rose.
Rosenberg also contradicted claims that Amber Rose stumbled across the infidelity at a residence that Khalifa acquired after moving out of the couple’s house.
“It was a home. It wasn’t some new home that was just his,” he said. “It was a home that he had. That she slept in. That’s how she got in. She had a key. This wasn’t some separate thing. It’s a place she goes to.”

Keep in mind, Kanye West allegedly cheated on Amber with Kim Kardashian which is kind of like twins if you count both of her ass cheeks as separate people which I do. Although, that would technically make it a foursome, and if you factor in the size of her breasts, that’s two more people, so really Kanye cheated on her with a bus. An entire bus. Things could be worse is the point I’m trying to make here. Now. After all that.

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Photo: Facebook

Ben Affleck’s Penis Is In A Movie

October 1st, 2014 // 12 Comments
Previously In Penis
Jared Leto Penis
Jared Leto Should Get That Looked At Read More »

Ben Affleck can’t do a single interview without being asked about Batman, but somehow he managed to crack the Internet’s secret code and started talking about his dick which is like dangling a set of keys in front of us. I don’t even know where I am anymore that’s how distracted how I am. Whose desk is this? And why are there blueprints to Hilary Duff‘s house all over it? MTV reports:

“It’s ironic, because David [Fincher] said to me from the beginning, this is a warts and all movie. It can have no vanity. You have to see the naked underbelly of this character,” Affleck continued. And yes, when he says “naked underbelly,” he means it literally as well as figuratively.
“There’s some brief, ah, very brief nudity, I think,” Affleck hedged. But when reminded that people might well be going to see “Gone Girl” for literally no other reason than to get a glimpse of his wang, he capitulated.
The penis is in there!” Affleck said. “It’s IMAX penis! You’ve gotta pay fifteen bucks to see it in 3D… it’s better in 3D.”

Later that day…

“So your dick’s in the movie, huh?”
“Wait, they made me do- oh, God, your kicks are so strong!”

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (Call, Ben Affleck. It’s time.)

Video After The Jump

So I Guess We’re Doing This And Other News

October 1st, 2014 // 22 Comments

- Everybody’s in the Magic Mike sequel now except the one person who counts. [Lainey Gossip]

- Leonardo DiCaprio has selflessly left his girlfriend to bang all the women George Clooney can’t now. [Dlisted]

- Believe In Your Selfie provided you have breasts for it. I say that as a friend. [theCHIVE]

- Jaden Smith is making weird-ass music now. [Fishwrapper]

- Tim and Eric can be bought by GE. That’s the key takeaway of that Jeff Goldblum commercial. [The Frisky]

- Mommy Blogger‘s are still awful. [WWTDD]

- Satan‘s promoting Nicolas Cage movies now. No, really. [Death and Taxes]

- BREAKING: Men ogle woman’s breasts every second of every day. [The Mighty]

- It’s Hannah Davis in a bikini, so try not to think about Derek Jeter‘s butt. [Popoholic]

- I refuse to believe Justin Bieber had sex with this. REFUSE. [tooFab]

- Kim and Kanye got booed at Fashion Week. You’re alright, France. [IDLYITW]

- Jessica Simpson wears black panties. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Jenny McCarthy and Melissa McCarthy are feuding. [Celebslam]

- Ferne McCann is trying to get in on The Fappening. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 9.30.14

September 30th, 2014 // 278 Comments

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed, our daily post where you get to see boobies, then immediately feel better about being a pervert because at least you aren’t racist infected-cock sore Donald Sterling. It’s the best of both worlds considering your definition of best is:

adjective, superl. of good with better as compar.

1. of the highest quality, excellence, or standing:

ex.) Miley Cyrus gives the best fake blowjobs to gay backup dancers dressed as pink monkeys.

2. most advantageous, suitable, or desirable:

ex.) Hanna Davis knows it’s best to eat Derek Jeter‘s butt before asking for cab fare.

BOOM! Did I just get us unblocked from school servers, or what? looks at home page covered in pink stars Goddamnit,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

LeAnn Rimes Might Be Cropping Herself Into Family Photos Now

September 30th, 2014 // 23 Comments
I'm Sorry, They Did What?
LeAnn Rimes Eddie Cibrian Luli Fama Fashion Show Front Row
Eddie & LeAnn Told His Sons About The Affair Read More »

As part of her ongoing war with Brandi Glanville, LeAnn Rimes may have taken her crazy to some next level shit by allegedly Photoshopping herself into a photo of Eddie Cibrian and his sons. Via Fishwrapper:

1 — The child immediately on LeAnn’s left looks cut in in two-thirds. Perfectly, flawlessly trimmed in two-thirds. I mean, have you ever actually even seen such a perfect silhouette blocking a Levi’s logo in your whole entire life? Probably not.
2 — Not quite sure what LeAnn’s resting her boot on, but it looks … well, being a non-Photoshop certified expert, the only terminology acceptable is “off.” Something about that floating boot looks off.
3 — We all know that LeAnn fancies herself something of a deity, but even deities cast shadows sometimes, don’t they? And I dunno about you, but I’m not seeing much of a shadow cast by LeAnn’s body anywhere, unlike that of Jake, Mason, and Eddie.

While all of that is compelling evidence, if you look close enough, I’m pretty sure the one kid (I’m not learning their names. Fuck you.) is touching LeAnn Rimes’ ass which he’d never do with Brandi Glanville, so who’s Mother of the Year now, bitch? POW.

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Photo: Twitter

Michael Phelps Arrested For DUI

September 30th, 2014 // 11 Comments
Michael Phelps
Previously In Sports
Jonathan Dwyer Arizona Cardinals
Jesus Christ,
The NFL... Read More »

Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps was arrested this morning for DUI after driving almost 40 mph over the speed limit while almost twice the legal limit. TMZ reports:

Our sources tell us … the USA Olympic legend was pulled over around 1:40 AM in his white Land Rover. We’re told he bombed his field sobriety test … and his B.A.C. was almost twice the legal limit.
Officials just issued a statement saying Phelps was initially pulled over for going 84 in a 45 … and during the stop, the officer noticed he was hammered.

Keep in mind, Michael Phelps is really good at swimming, and since swimming is (kind of) a sport, we as a society have deemed fit to see that he receives millions of dollars so he can afford the best legal counsel and face little to no consequences for his actions. So don’t question sports or what people in sports do whenever they’re not in the place where the sports happen. It doesn’t count unless it’s sports.

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Photo: Getty