Octomom Cleared By Child Services

The secret ingredient is kids.

So earlier in the week we learned that Octomom locks her kids in a room while she drops $500 (Of her own money! That welfare cash is totally different, you guys.) on in-home Brazilian Blowouts whenever she’s not letting them graffiti the walls and traipse through each other’s piss and shit because she won’t pay a plumber. And considering she lives in California, child services practically named her Mother of the Year. TMZ reports:

Three DCFS workers showed up moments ago at Nadya Suleman’s Orange County home — and according to Octo, the trio gave her a rave review … despite the shocking living conditions in her home.
Octo called in to TMZ Live, saying, “[DCFS] said it’s a very suitable environment for these children.”
Even crazier, Octo claimed the DCFS workers were actually impressed with her parenting skills — telling us, “They can’t even believe that I can do what I’ve been doing.”

Of course, it probably helps that Octomom had an emergency paint crew cover up the walls for free yesterday because that’ll teach her to stop doing this shit. Also, I’m almost positive the Orange County Department of Children and Family Services has a special set of rules in place just for Octomom:

Exception Case: “Octomom”

- Provided at least seven of the 14 children are still alive and/or the bodies of the dead ones are at least partially out of sight of the remaining children, OC DCFS policy is to not even touch this fucking shit with a ten-foot pole. For real, get in the house and get the hell out as quickly as possible. Carry a gun if you want to and fire indiscriminately, it really doesn’t matter. Just make sure at least half those kids are somewhat alive so people aren’t all like, “Ohmygod, why didn’t you do something?” IT’S 14 FUCKING KIDS. Christ, you try and get in and out of that house and take one home. The octuplets have spears! Fucking SPEARS. We’re almost convinced she filled the basement with candy corn to keep them from escaping.

Addendum: If a pig’s head is mounted on a pole in the front yard, DCFS workers are permitted to drive a tank right into the goddamn living room. Just VROOOOOOOOOM right on in there. This shit ain’t worth dying over.

Photos: Splash News