North West. The Bastards Actually Named The Kid North West.

June 21st, 2013 // 83 Comments
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Because announcing it Thursday night would guarantee dominance of the generally slow Friday news cycle, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have confirmed that, yes, they are in fact stupid enough to name their daughter North West. No middle name, just North West. E! News reports:

A source close to the couple confirms to E! News that the girl’s name is North West, with no middle name.
According to a source, “They will call her Nori for short!”

In the not-too-distant future…

“I can’t believe I’m having a baby! Now be honest with me, mom, how bad is it being pregnant?”
“I named you North once they got you out of me.”
“Oh. Oh, JESUS.”

Photos: Getty, RAAK/AKM-GSI


  1. JC

    In the not-too-distant future:

    “Reports are trickling in, but we’re hearing that a young girl is currently using a fully automatic weapon to execute everyone in sight in a California boarding school. This is not confirmed, but reports indicate that the young woman finally snapped because of parental neglect and because she has a fantastically stupid name. To compound matters, her classmates apparently cruelly taunt her by calling her ‘Daugther-of-a-piss-whore’ and ‘that gay rapper’s kid.’”

    • Have you been paying attention to celebrity baby names lately? Everyone in that California boarding school’s gonna have stupid names. Right, Blue Ivy?

    • Just Sayin !!

      Now we must remember that under the money these are just COMMON FOLK ! So it makes sense that the baby would have a common name with a Purty story behind it, to make it sound like they put some thought into the name.
      SO SAD !!! POOR KID !!!

  2. Jack Ketch

    Do these two idiots even know that nori is actually seaweed ? LOLZ !!! Let’s see how long they stay together now.

  3. Deacon Jones

    “North West” will be what is written in the coroner’s report describing the position the body was facing after she cut her wrists when she realized what absolute, self-absorbed douchebags for parents she had.

  4. spoonleg

    forget the name, I can’t stop staring at Kim’s ears in that photo. What the shit, they’re huge!!

    • Sheppy

      OK, to be fair, her left ear is actually the guy’s behind her.

    • No doubt she’ll be mortified by the pix and have them pinned back or surgeried somehow, and then deny it. I always actually LOL at these dumb-ass celebrities, who are more ego than brains, when they deny all their surgeries (especially tit-jobs) when the internet abounds with before and afer pix, and/or the surgeries are lousy and/or obvious. I mean really. Check out Katy Perry before and afters, damned near flatter than piss on a plate.

  5. I’ll call her “My parents are cunts”. Everyone, say hello to MPAC.

  6. Sheppy

    $2.50 says the middle name is actually ‘by North’.

  7. There’s a “North” and slave name comment there that I’m failing to pull out of my ass.

  8. Cock Dr

    Look at the parents and then imagine an offspring that inherits the worst qualities of the pairing.
    Horrid, isn’t it?

  9. I told my husband what they named the baby and he says “North West, you mean like the airline?” LOL!

  10. cc

    Has their ever been a couple that consisted of two more narcissistic assholes? They know North is a stupid name. They know the kid will probably hate it. But they use it anyway, because it’s novelty will generate more publicity. It’s sickening.

  11. Are we sure it’s not “Knorth” and the “K” is silent?

  12. Kim Kardashian Fat Huget Butt Black And White Dress
    Lusty Frontbottom
    Commented on this photo:

    Who would have guessed the Elijah Wood movie North was a biopic? From IMDb: “Eleven-year-old North has had it with his parents. They are always busy with their careers and don’t give North the attention he needs, so he files a lawsuit against them. “

    • The problem is that no one saw that movie, so no one’s quite sure what it’s about.

    • Hellie

      LOL first thing my mind went to “like the movie!?”
      Well at least I’m not alone in my shame of being one of the few people that actually remembered that movie. Plus Tom Frank is 100% right. I never actually saw that movie and neither has anyone else that know.

  13. wtf? no middle name?
    should have gone with North North West.
    ugh. poor child.

  14. cc

    Once again, Mid West is relegated to being ‘flyover country’.

  15. If at 18 her first porn movie isn’t called “North West goes South”, something has gone terribly awry in Kris Jenner’s marketing plan…
    And yes I said first. As in first of many cuz seriously? This poor kid is fucked.

  16. Mel Gibson's Shrink

    An Armenian/African child – more like South East.

  17. Of course they’ll call her Nori. Seaweed sheets go great with the smell of fish.

  18. Hundreds and thousands of sane,emotionally stable and loving couples around the world struggling with infertility,yet all the selfish,brainless idiots with no real interest what so ever in a child can pop them out like there´s no´s tommorow…?

    God must be Ashton Kutcher and we are all being punked…seriously,this shit cannot be happening.

  19. Batu Khan

    I predict 16-18 years from now there will be a flood of petitions from the Los Angeles area for name changes and emancipation of a minor requests. (Possibly children asking for psych evaluation of their parents.)

  20. “Nori” means “disease” in Korean.

  21. “Babe, are you sure I should wear this? I think this outfit makes me look like a lesbian.”

    “You look much more like a gay man than a lesbian, and yes I’m sure.”

  22. Jc

    It’s nice she’ll be Baptized with her stripper name.

  23. When you see what the kid looks like as she grows up, you wont be thinking of what her name is but instead how fugly the kid actually is.

    Tiger Woods

  24. As they are fans of alliteration, I was sure they would go for Kunta Kinte Kardashian

  25. Swearin

    Somewhere, Elijah Wood is saying to himself “You dumb shits, that name sunk my career for 5 years until I met Peter Jackson.”

  26. George P Burdell

    Spelled Knorth?

  27. Trufax

    Trufax: After Kim and Kanye named their daughter “North West”, she was subsequently bought by Delta and moved to Atlanta.

  28. North West—home of the Sasquatch. Isn’t that cute? They named her for her aunt.

  29. Tzel

    Kris Jenner is losing her touch – I expected the child to be called “South West” and a commercial deal with the airline already in place.

  30. Her middle name should be “Two-Miles-Then-Go.”

  31. North by Northwest was a great movie but as a Girl’s name is seriously fucked.
    Their gonna need a shit load of $ for psychiatrist sessions due to bullying, low self esteem and cutting .
    Poor kid.

  32. Doctor_Joystick

    This is rather shrewd long term planning by Kris Jenner. When the kid “leaks” her first sex tape it will be titled, “North Goes South”. Genius.

  33. Natty Ice

    Say what you will about this little girl, she is heading straight to the top…and a little to the left.

  34. Alexis

    You gotta be fucking kidding me!

  35. Get serious

    These 2 arrogant dumbasses deserve a serious bitchslapping for giving their kid a “novelty” name. Not only is she going to have heaps of withering abuse dumped on her in school because of it, but they’ve pretty much guaranteed she’s going to need therapy for a long time. They’re nothing but self indulgent assholes…

  36. Lets be clear, with these two idiots as her parents, not to mention rest of that fame-mongering family, having North as her name is the least of this child’s problems.

  37. Pippi Longcocking

    I guess when North West has a daughter, she can just name it “North” and people will say “there’s North by North West.”

    Let’s just hope the little bitch likes Cary Grant.

  38. mandles

    This just can’t be true. I sincerely hope this is one of those “sources say” things, and it turns out to be a rumor. Because seriously. Ugh.

  39. SMB

    “You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car – hell, you even need a license to fish… But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a [parent].”

  40. Lets hope they cancel the RETARDASHIAN show.
    Ratings are bad.

  41. Kanye west is a douchebag

    Nori for short? Nori is actually a syllable longer than north. Idiots.

  42. swalton

    when kim and kanye’s daughter has her own fragrance it’ll be called “north, by north west”

  43. Elle

    Nori is actually longer to say than North…

  44. StacyGInTheCLE

    At least they didn’t name it Knorth West… then again, that’d probably be too intellectually challenging for them to have considered it…

  45. Clark Kent

    Bullshit, the kid’s name is Kuntye.

  46. Burt

    “Nori” for short? Do they know what nori is?

    • Burt

      PS. Japanese laver sucks (way too sweet), but the Korean kind is quite tasty. It’s so good you can eat it on it’s own. Eaten that way, it reminds me of potato chips.

  47. They might as well give the child a non-human name, after all the childs entire purpose is as a publicity stunt in a “reality” Television program.

  48. Kim Kardashian Fat Huget Butt Black And White Dress
    John Travolta
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t need to click on full size. She already spilled out over the side of my monitor. Geez.

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