Nikki Blonsky’s father out on bail, can’t leave tropical island until trial (Justice!)

August 12th, 2008 // 88 Comments

Nikki Blonksy’s father Carl was allowed to post bail yesterday due to a medical condition. He can’t leave the Turks and Caicos island until his trial for beating the ever living crap out of Elaine Golden the mother of America’s Next Top Model contestant, Bianca Golden. In case you forgot what grievous sin Elaine committed to deserve a trip to the ICU, she moved Carl’s luggage. Harpie! ET Online reports:

A police constable tells us that Carl, who’s been locked up in a Turks and Caicos islands jail for over a week, was freed after posting $3000 bail awarded to him by the Chief Justice on Monday morning. Regardless, he must remain on the island and his travel documents are in police custody.
He’s due to appear in court on August 19 at 9:00 a.m.

You know what’d be hilarious? As part of Carl’s sentence he’s banned from the airport effectively trapping him on the island. Of course, he could always use Nikki as a flotation device to aid his return to the homeland. Always look for that silver lining, folks. Even if it’s made of Ben & Jerry’s.


  1. Could have said first

  2. hdhuntr

    what a cow……..

  3. Holy shit, when did Hawaii get a new island????

  4. Should be doing fatty porn, she’s a natural…

  5. E. Normas Asz

    I see Angie Jolie has been face down in the bologna and gained 200 pounds.


  6. E. Normas Asz

    I see Angie Jolie has been face down in the bologna and gained 200 pounds.


  7. RicoSuave

    She’d better watch out for Norwegian or Japanese whalers.

  8. BigTime

    Who is this big cow and why do I need to look at her?

  9. BigTime

    Who is this big slob and why do I need to look at her?

  10. Ahh, sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. That girl looks like a full meal to me!

  11. Effyeray

    Fatty fatty fatty, fatty boombalatty…… thanks for ruining my lunch Fish, a-hole.

  12. Slipknot

    #7, yea gained 200 on each thigh and another 200 on her butt. Damn, that is gigantic!

  13. That girl is one gigantic tub of lard.

  14. pleasureme

    Man the harpoons

  15. Huba Huba zing zing
    boy you got everything
    what a face
    and what a figure
    like a cow but only bigger!!

  16. Stroker

    This is offensive. If I wanted to look at fat ugly pigs I’d cancel my DSL subscription and wander the mall.

  17. Jiggly Puff

    Good thing black is slimming.

  18. In other news: The island has now mysteriously dropped below sea level.

  19. Holyfuck

    This chick seems content to be destined for diabetes and an early death. Mix in a salad, or some self control for Christ sake. Jesus.

    I bet this chick eats with a snow shovel. What a pig.

  20. look out… she is gonna blow!

  21. dogonabone

    if she stood with her feet together she’d fall over. that’s called morbidly obese.


    i’d stab myself repeatedly if i dressed that horrible. and i’d commit suicide if i was ever that big. just letting everyone know. lol

  23. JimmyBachaFungool

    She swallowed her father and is smuggling him out of the country. You know her inner thighs smell like rotten tuna and chocolate covered shit in the summer.

  24. Ted from LA

    I think she looks fine… assuming of course, that she just ate Rosie O’Donnell.

  25. Bail must be cheap on the islands.

  26. surlywench

    Who is this fattie and why the fuck should I care?

    Why are we celebrating and publicizing every corn-fed, in-bred and marginalized member of society? Is this disturbing trend a by- product of reality tv, britney and u-tube culture, perhaps?

  27. She better hope they make it up to “HairSpray XX: Rock the Block Just By Falling Down”, or she’ll be destined for afterschool specials, or a VH1 love contest.

  28. #29

    What kind of Love Contest?

    Is Moby Dick looking for a piece of tail?

  29. yarr

    He should be able to beat up anyone he wants. After all, without him the world would have no michelin man.

  30. Jason

    Looks like she ate the experimental chewing gum from Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. She’ll be turning blue any minute!

  31. JPX

    God she’s a fat thing. If I saw a picture of myself and I looked like that I’d put the barrel of a shotgun in my mouth. Seriously, wouldn’t you hire a personal trainer immediately if you suddenly found fame? Gross.

  32. Hayden

    Don’t worry girlfriend! No japper is going to harpoon you. Just get behind me and I’ll protect you. I protect all of god’s useless and obese creatures. It is why I’m beautiful and you not.

  33. lmao

    I bet she looks like the typical female superficial poster or the girlfriend of one of the pizza-faced male posters who puts everyone down

  34. ramalamadingdong

    you guys are missing the whole point of this. her father was put in jail because he supposedly assaulted a n*gger. which we all know is not true. whitey needs to stand up and let them know that we are NOT intimidated by them. fuck them all!!!!

  35. mjtouchesboys

    she is so fat its gross. she looks like a medicine ball shes so fat and round…

  36. mark

    are those pants battleship grey?

  37. Miserable Bastard

    Give her a break. The camera adds ten pounds. Which means she’s perfect, if you discount the other 400.

  38. whoa nelly

    I can’t wait for some balloon pants fatass to come and defend her….no takers?

  39. dude

    does teenage fame make me look fat?

  40. punk

    typical american female

  41. Tanya

    Who said a ball of lard can act?! Seriously people, aren’t you all sick of seeing this girl. She should just go back to Cold Stone and keep making ice cream. I can’t stand her!!! Best of all, fame is making her fatter!!!

  42. Barely Stearn

    Oh f*ck me: Unfortunately I was unable to take in Fish’s sparkling commentary becuase some fat ass was blocking my view.

    Jesus: Would you please post a warning sign to those of us unfortunate souls who scroll down not knowing of the blubber that lay ahead…

    Where’s the freaking Whaleman Foundation when you need one?!

    I can only surmise this one ate Kim Kardashian’s ass for breakfast…

  43. rough daddy

    nikki should join celebrity survivor, she can solely start a fire by rubbing those titanic thighs…

  44. YouSoLucky

    Why won’t the fish show the pictures of this babe sunning herself in a bikini next to the plastic baby pool in the McDonald’s parking lot in Albany, New York. I hear they got a picture of her spread eagled trying to sun her inner thighs just like Clare Dayne only not not like Clare because there is so much more of her.

  45. Lux

    #39: love ya!

    A belt to underline the waist? Nice try (not)

  46. punk

    Even her purse looks fat

  47. This cow makes me sick I have no idea who in the world decided to put her nasty fat ass on tv …

  48. Miss Anthrope

    Nary a post proclaiming that this broad is not fat, just “curvy”, or “what real women look like.”

    Where are the fat advocates?

    @ 48: very funny!

    This slob is a disgrace and should be ashamed of herself.

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