Nicolas Cage ruins his son’s life
Things are great if you’re Nic Cage. All your movies are well-received, nobody remembers that you were in Con Air, and you get to be married to a girl literally half your age – so young, in fact, that she was still living with her parents when you met. Even better, she doesn’t seem to mind that you knocked her up and decided to name the fruit of her loins Kal-el Coppola Cage, after Superman’s Kryptonian birth name.
Because Clark, or Lex, or Man-Lois would have been too subtle. Because Gwyneth Paltrow’s kid is going to need a friend in the nurse’s office every recess. And because Bizarro Superman Copola Cage is just too many letters to monogram on tiny feety pajamas.