Nicolas Cage Arrested for Domestic Abuse

April 18th, 2011 // 29 Comments

Looking to join the prestigious ranks of Charlie Sheen, Chris Brown and Mel Gibson, Nicolas Cage was arrested for domestic abuse and disturbing the peace early Saturday morning after getting absolutely shit-hammered in New Orleans where he’s filming Medallion. Details have been pouring in, so here’s the latest rundown of his night which somehow includes a Dog the Bounty Hunter cameo. I’m not even joking. Via TMZ:

1. Like any drunk with time to kill, Nicolas Cage decided he wanted a tattoo right now, so he burst into a parlor holding a cup full of booze, threw his shirt off and proceeded to repeatedly tell everyone he had no idea where his apartment is. He followed this up by suggesting the employees call the cops so maybe they can tell him where he lives. What could go wrong?

2. Realizing her husband is trying to get himself arrested, Nic’s wife Alice Kim along with several friends managed to yell enough words at him that he agrees to leave the tattoo parlor.

3. While stumbling around trying to find their apartment, Nic and Alice proceed to get in a heated argument where an alleged assault took place, prompting a cabbie to call the cops.

4. The cops arrive and apparently they were transferred from Hollywood because they simply tell Nic and Alice to go home which seems like a pretty sweet deal for a guy who just abused his wife in front of eyewitnesses. Except Nic Cage ain’t having it. He proceeds to dare them to arrest him which they finally do, but only after the second time. Obviously, this is a man who started the night out with a plan, and that plan was, “I’m going to sleep in the drunk tank or get a tattoo trying.”

5. Dog the Bounty Hunter shows up and pays Nic’s bail presumably to see if he can rip a hole in the universe through sheer random occurrence. (In related news, the president’s a cat now.)

6. Nic gives an entire week’s worth of prime-time interviews rife with nonsensical catchphrases causing a flurry of fans to proclaim he’s “living the dream” and “everyone else is just jealous.”

7. A live stage show titled, “Nic Cage’s Wild Eyed SayShitaLooza,” is announced shortly thereafter.

8. I put a goddamn gun in my mouth.

9. BANG!

Photos: Splash News, Flynet

superficial

  1. phil

    this is pro. first!

  2. Napoupi

    Frist111!!!. Or not. Who knows.

    That lacked hookers and awful details like “he punched here and the blow cause her veneers to break and fly from here mouth straight into his beer cup.”

  3. Napoupi

    phil, if you’re american, that first means you never sleep. In other words I hate you.

  4. “You tell him l think he’s a fool, Ed. You tell him l said so, H.l. McDunnough, and if he wants to discuss it, he knows where to find me: in the Maricopa County Maximum Security Correctional Facility for Men, State Farm Road, Number 31, Tempe, Arizona. I’LL BE WAITIN’! I’ll be waitin’.”

    • That Bastard Tony

      My friends call me HI.

    • delight

      fi-ANCE!

      My dog barks some.

      Mentally you picture my dog,

      but I have not told you the type of dog which I have.

      while hi i did picture it, ad then freaked the fuck out because he knew it!!
      the creepy fuck knew it!!!

    • delight

      why am i always so impressed by a quote from an odd movie?
      yeeeeee…ohh yee ohh ehhhh yee hee heeeeee………YEEEEEEEEEEEEE

      Mind you don’t cut yourself, Mordecai. LMAO

      fart.

  5. Rough&Roses

    Meanwhile, Kal El was observed lifting a pick up in his loin cloth. Add child abandonment to the charges, please… Outrageous behavior!

  6. Nicolas Cage Arrest Mug Shot Drunk
    Borgerto
    Commented on this photo:

    This has to be his cum face. In which case the legal system has eyes in the back of its head.

  7. Doc Schweinstrudel

    He is a jew.

  8. Mike

    It’s a crime to be drunk and loud and argue with bitches in New Orleans? What next, making it a crime for New Yorkers to loathe each other, or for people in LA to wear flip flops year round? Making it a crime for Texans to have tiny dicks, big guns and huge belt buckles? Making it a crime for Alaskans to kill everything that moves? Making it a crime for Vermonters to be raging homosexuals?

  9. Ash Malarkey

    Man, he has got to stop drinking. Well, at least that would stop him from making any more bad movies. Ha ha http://twitgoo.com/23th6p

  10. the captain

    “*SSHOLE” is his second name, folks!!

  11. “You can’t arrest me… I was just trying to SAVE THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDANCE!!!!!!!!!!!”

  12. What the hell is going on? Sunday is my day of rest and worship.

  13. Cock Dr

    Fame must be a helluva drug, especially when mixed with other intoxicating substances.

  14. RoboZombie

    Another wife-beating punk! And he makes shitty movies.
    Schroedinger’s cat is not amused.

  15. TomFrank

    It’s New Orleans. I think you’re required to walk around holding a cup full of booze.

  16. DOucHe BaGELs

    If I were him I’d tell the judge I was sleep walking…

  17. fk

    He looks like Marilyn Manson when Manson has no makeup on. No joke, look it up.

  18. tits

    I had no idea Leaving Las Vegas was a true story. humph.

  19. mirk

    Here is the video leading up to the arrest http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SH_hp68cEFo

  20. why all the red writing, this was on IDLYITW on saturday, and the montage of cage was funny

  21. Nicolas Cage Arrest Mug Shot Drunk
    The Most Interesting
    Commented on this photo:

    “Don’t mind me! Just off for a shower!”

  22. So are you saying that the hairpiece didn’t count as domestic abuse all these years?

  23. Dick Douche, Private Eye

    Sounds like something Sheen would do. The whole Charlie Sheen thing must really be catching on.

    Perhaps the rise of Charlie Sheen coincides with the decline of Western civilization in general. Food for thought, no? You all know he’s Cuban, right? …hmmm…. Castro set this whole thing up on purpose! GODDAMN THOSE COMMUNISTS

  24. Nicolas Cage Arrest Mug Shot Drunk
    647-PARKER ECKMAN
    Commented on this photo:

    Man, that sucks, Domestic Abuse sounds strongly wrong.

  25. Point 5 on is the Fish at his best.

  26. Because being a shitty actor wasn’t enough.

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