Nick Hogan is kind of a little bitch

Nick Hogan-Bollea’s lawyers filed a response to the civil lawsuit filed by John Graziano’s family. John was the passenger in Nick’s car when it crashed and is now in a coma. But according to Nick’s lawyer, John Graziano is also Satan himself. Okay, maybe they don’t go that far, but they literally blame John Graziano for the entire accident and claim Nick did nothing wrong. Except, maybe got drunk and drag-raced. But, what’s this? John gave him the beer?! You don’t say. TMZ reports:

We’ve obtained his response to the civil lawsuit that John’s family filed against the Hogans, and it’s outrageous: Nick blames virtually every person on the planet — including John himself and Daniel Jacobs, the guy whom he drag-raced to cause the crash in the first place — but doesn’t take a shred of responsibility of his own.
Let’s just list the ways that Nick says John put himself in danger: Not wearing a seatbelt, not getting out of the car, getting into the car in the first place.

If you take a look at the response, I’m surprised there’s not a paragraph stating that John Graziano secretly harbored a dream to be in a coma by his early 20’s. Jesus. Anyway, while his mom is out dating his long-haired doppleganger, Nick is apparently sitting in solitary confinement because he’s a minor and must be separated from the other inmates, according to People:

Bollea, 17, spends 16 to 17 hours a day in a maximum security cell in a Florida jail where his food is delivered through a slot in the door, his attorneys said in a court filing seeking a transfer to monitored home confinement or the minimum-security area.

Okay, that does sound a bit harsh. I think some sort of compromise can be made here. Hmm, let’s see. Ooh, got it: Nick Hogan can get out of solitary – as soon as John Graziano wakes up and lets him out.