Naomi Campbell pleads guilty

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Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault today for hitting her maid with a cell phone over a pair of missing jeans. She’s been sentenced to pay $363 in medical expenses, do five days of community service, and attend a two-day anger management program. In court she said:

“I threw a cell phone in the apartment. The cell phone hit Ana. This was an accident because I did not intend to hit her.”

Afterwards, she issued a statement saying:

“I pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor in court today. That’s the best way I know to say I’m sorry to Ana. I accepted responsibility and I’m prepared to take my punishment. But I’m not going to let this incident define me. The past is the past. My future holds great things and I’m getting on with my life.”

Is Naomi Campbell defined by anything except explosive violence? I think she used to model or something, but now she spends her time being banned from UFC matches for excessive brutality. She’s like a science experiment where they implanted a baby fetus with the DNA of a wolverine/bear/The Incredible Hulk.