Monica Bellucci Is Single

August 27th, 2013 // 37 Comments

Monica Bellucci is one of the most beautiful women on the planet, so I don’t know why I’m even reporting that she’s divorcing Vincent Cassel because not one of us will ever come close to knowing what it’s like to make love to a woman of this caliber. I’m pretty sure my body would turn to dust. Anyway, the person this really affects is Eva Longoria who thought she could just take her sweet time stringing George Clooney along. Don’t get me wrong, he’ll still have sex with her, but only for a week because have you seen Monica Bellucci‘s breasts? They’re the white whale to his penis’ Ahab. Even priests in Italy walk by them and go, “Mamma mia, I’m a done a fucking the boysa!” I saw the whole thing happen.

Photos: Getty, Splash News


  1. alex

    Merovingian fucker.

  2. Yes. Now I have an infinitesimally better chance of scoring with her. (This sentiment can also be attributed to every hetero male on the Internet, as well a not insignificant number of women, and maybe a few gay men as well.)

  3. catapostrophe

    Why would a homosexual man have sex with Eva Longoria? Is she hiding something?

  4. Trex

    Her face got fat. That’s why he’s kicking her to the curb. Aging does no favors to any woman and there’s a never ending supply of eighteen year olds to bang.

  5. Cock Dr

    Vincent Cassel was not worthy.
    I’m not sure who is….maybe the person who finds a cure for cancer.

  6. Monica Bellucci Cleavage 2nd Rome Film Festival
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Looking a little over the hill for my tastes

  7. Monica Bellucci Cleavage 2nd Rome Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    La Dolce Vita ! 48 yrs old! Flawless, look , look Hollywood Bimbos.
    Must clone this beauty.

  8. I watched her as Cleopatra in a French movie when I was 12, I was never the same again…

  9. guest

    She had no issue with him straying as long as he came home to her. True story. Look it up. Which makes her even more interesting to George?

  10. *books flight to Italy*

  11. Monica Belluci and that other dark-haired, big-breasted Italian beauty from “IL Positino”. That was my favorite 3-way Italian fantasy circa 2002.

  12. My all time favorite. No one comes close. So ungodly, inhumanly sexy.

  13. honestdick

    _Once_ was one of the most beautiful women in the world. Still smokin’, but she’s 48 now, and she’s hitting the wall. Aging sucks.

  14. Monica Bellucci Cleavage 2nd Rome Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    Hottest Mary Magdalene ever.

  15. summit

    This was probably the only case where a super hot chick was married to a guy who I didn’t hate. Cassel is awesome, she’s the hottest, sad times.

  16. She’s so fucking gorgeous, absolutely perfect, one might think she’s actually a real human being. When one prays to her does one address her as “Monica” or as “Goddess?”

  17. Hmmph… she’s no Trava Rainwater.

  18. crb


  19. Monica Bellucci Cleavage 2nd Rome Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    One of these things is not like the other…

  20. tlmck

    I call dibs!

  21. AnnaD.

    Nobody in Hollywood even comes close. Sure, she is almost 50 but she’s aging gracefully.

  22. All the people saying negative stuff about her would have a shit show with her anyway…she is stunning.

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