Monica Bellucci Is Single

Monica Bellucci is one of the most beautiful women on the planet, so I don’t know why I’m even reporting that she’s divorcing Vincent Cassel because not one of us will ever come close to knowing what it’s like to make love to a woman of this caliber. I’m pretty sure my body would turn to dust. Anyway, the person this really affects is Eva Longoria who thought she could just take her sweet time stringing George Clooney along. Don’t get me wrong, he’ll still have sex with her, but only for a week because have you seen Monica Bellucci’s breasts? They’re the white whale to his penis’ Ahab. Even priests in Italy walk by them and go, “Mamma mia, I’m a done a fucking the boysa!” I saw the whole thing happen.

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