There’s A Minka Kelly Sex Tape

July 23rd, 2012 // 68 Comments
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Last week ended fucking horribly, so let’s start this week with a powerful and rejuvenating tale of the human spirit that will bind us all together in a cavalcade of love and unity-boners. The tale of Minka Kelly‘s sex tape. TMZ reports:

The tape is shot in a semi-professional manner. The camera is secured by a tripod and hooked up to a TV monitor, so both Minka and the BF can watch the action they create. Minka is very aware of the camera.
It’s unclear how old Minka was when the tape was shot. Two songs from Brandy’s second album, “Never Say Never,” are playing in the background. The album was released on June 8, 1998 — 16 days before Minka’s 18th birthday. But one source questioned whether the song was added after the fact to make it appear she was over 18.

Ah, the old pretend you were underage so nobody buys it maneuver. Too bad Minka Kelly didn’t count on one man sitting in a basement who’s willing to take a bullet for the Internet-team, so here’s how it’s going to play out. I’ll volunteer to watch it and if Chris Hansen doesn’t burst through my wall five seconds in, we’ll know she’s of legal age. However, if he does, I’ll use all my skill and cunning to release a single white dove during our karate fight so none of you go to jail. (If it’s a quail, that means it’s not her, but still some underage chick, whereas a wild turkey represents I’m hungry from repeated viewings, somebody carve this thing.) WE RIDE.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Flynet

superficial

  1. achilles wrath

    16 is legal here!

  2. Jake

    RELEASE THE TAPE TODAY!

    America is grieving. We need this great ray of hope and inspiration following last week’s tragedy.

    Do it for the kids.

    HOLDING BACK THE SEX TAPE MEANS BATMAN SHOOTER WINS!!!

  3. direchef

    Yeah, and I’d boycott Chick-fil-A because of the anti-gay thing. Except they have delicious chicken…

  4. CranAppleSnapple

    I saw her in a very lame horror movie before she had her teeth de-snaggled. She was all grown up then, but obviously had a crappy career at that point and no money for the orthodontist.
    Someone will have to volunteer to check her teeth in the porno.

  5. O'chunt

    Or check the thickness of the cankles.

  6. Sarah

    You realize her mother was a professional stripper, right? What surprising is that there isn’t 4-5 of the tapes surfacing.

    I suspect her past is like Jessica Alba – who was an unapologetic, and notorious, casting couch blowjob queen early in her career.

  7. SpaceGeneral

    My penis would like to thank everyone for making this a reality. I knew my last couple of birthday wishes would pay off.

  8. GrandDragon

    I came already

  9. Randolph Duke

    i’m gonna need to see this tape to verify it’s her…otherwise i call bullshit!

  10. DeucePickle

    My boner has a boner

  11. Minka Kelly Single
    valtrex4two
    Commented on this photo:

    Another one bites the dust. Wonder if they ordered valtrex for two, instead of dessert. Apparently there are no nice girls left. They are all turning into KTrash. Cheap whores.

    • Trek Girl

      There are lots of nice girls left, you just don’t see them because they’re busy not making sex tapes, flashing their panties…or lack thereof, or making a fool of themselves in general.

  12. alex

    So where can we buy/see this tape???

  13. Drundel

    Anyone found screen shots yet?

  14. Beaver Underground

    Forget Yeti, search for alien life, even finding a plot in a Michael Bay movie… Want to make history? FIND THIS TAPE!

  15. Emma Watson's Vagina

    well another actress’ career is over and can’t fuck a descent rich guy anymore so she has to result to this PR stunt. and if this fails she will just have Wilmer Vanderwhatever’s baby ,etc.

    • Beaver Underground

      Did Minka even have a career? Short of a failed series a year ago I can’t name a single thing she was in.

      • Sarah

        She was in a Jeter threesome.

      • Emma Watson's Vagina

        it was a hyped up one. but she had something of a career. i checked out her credits. mostly it was for generic hot chick the only thin interesting was she was in the remake of the Charlies Angels the TV series.

      • Dr.J.Fever

        Good grief I am assuming this is sarcasm. FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS! If you never watched it you should rent it very soon.

  16. YTBOY

    I WANT TO SEE THAT TAPE!!!! WHERE IS THE TAPE????

  17. kkk

    she looks like chilean actress leonor varela

  18. jumpin_j

    Whoops. I thought the headline read “Yankee player’s sloopy seconds ready to have sex with guy posting this comment”. My bad. Carry on.

  19. Yoda

    Bang’n bod for sure; but the Jeter Fever in this one runs deep. Is no more pure than Herpes Hilton. Stay clear young ones.

    • just say'n

      Don’t care if she was a Yankee gang bang girl or she’s a member of the Valtrex of the month club; as long as the video doesn’t show her blisters [or cankles] show us the damn tape.

  20. Bob

    Of course there’s a sex tape out there. We easily shot a dozen of them.

  21. Minka Kelly Single
    kkk
    Commented on this photo:

    well the nice ones are usually ugly and annoying with their christian crap

  22. Before or after all the surgical enhancements….aw who am I kidding, I’ll watch it either way!

  23. BigOkie

    Well, after Octomom, Screech, Lawrence Fishburne’s daughter all put out sex tapes… finally a sex tape that I might be interested in watching.

  24. Clarence Beeks

    She’s beautiful. I agree this a career booster for her, since no one cares about her acting skills.

  25. El Jefe

    Please God, let this be true.

  26. jack the gripper

    Um…who is she?

  27. diegoga

    I WANT A COPY! I WANT A COPY! I WANT A COPY! I WANT A COPY! I WANT A COPY! I WANT A COPY! I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY! I WANT A COPY! I WANT A COPY! I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY! I WANT A COPY! I WANT A COPY! I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!I WANT A COPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  28. Benjamin Franklin

    The Minka Kelly sex tape is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

  29. Minka Kelly Single
    wileyone
    Commented on this photo:

    there’s yer Charlie’s Angles

  30. kimmykimkim

    Thanks, but, I prefer to watch random nobodies. And naughty ex-girlfriends. Wait, does she do anal?

  31. Minka Kelly Single
    Commented on this photo:

    This is not a suprise to me. I suspect that a great many actresses have sex tapes on the ready to have “stolen” when they need a quick bit of publicity without doing any work.

    As hot as Minka is I would prefer an Aimee Teegarden sex tape. She is delicious.

  32. it’s complete bullshit to even mention the possibility of a minka sex tape without ACTUALLY PRODUCING THE GODDAMN TAPE.

  33. cc

    Isn’t the male sexual response interesting? I read Minka Kelly sex tape and, without even looking at a picture, was already aroused?

  34. Minka Kelly Single
    Commented on this photo:

    A Minka sex tape would to a long way towards getting Octomom’s horrorshow out of my head.

  35. wut

    isnt 17 legal in most states?

    • SomeGuy

      No, 17 is above the legal age of CONSENT in most states, but that doesn’t mean you can distribute images of them. In my state it’s legal to sleep with a 16 year old, but not to have a naked picture of them on your phone.

  36. Cock Dr

    I believe seeing a nice bit of semi-celebrity porn would help the country heal from it’s recent tragedy.

  37. jinx

    I’d be more into it if it was with Tim Riggins. Just sayin’.

  38. anonym

    17.9 years old should not be considered illegal.

    In maths, they taught us all to round to the nearest number.

  39. LittleCupcakes

    WANT TO SEE!

  40. Lenny

    Huzzah!

    I don’t know know, I just felt that needed a Huzzah.

  41. Jack R

    Depends on which country, over here some girls as young as 15 drops out to suddenly get married if they are caught having sex or especially pregnant as no enforcement official wish to deal with the whole pedo issue easier to just forced them to get married even if the boyfriend is 18-21. Of cause if the boyfriend is over 30s they do charge them.

  42. Luke

    I would pay for it. And I´ve never paid for porn.

  43. This is the type of idiotic thinking that only the news can come up with. So, If they had Beethoven 5th symphony playing the only logical explanation was that the year was 1804.

  44. Josh

    I really cannot understand why people get excited over this chick.

    • wut

      its the “girl next door” thing.. not looks-wise ala playboy.. its a girl you have seen and seen and maybe grew up with (in this case on the tv screen)…

      the girl next door might not be the hottest girl but she’s familiar and you’d LOVE to see what she’s got.. that’s why people love celebs.. they FEEL familiar.

      aside from that reasoning minka is pretty hot regardless of familiarity.. she has a pretty “wholesome” image..

  45. Confuzzled

    “Two songs from Brandy

  46. Confuzzled

    “Two songs from Brandy’s second album, “Never Say Never,” are playing in the background. The album was released on June 8, 1998 — 16 days before Minka’s 18th birthday.”

    I don’t get it. Apart from indicating that the tape couldn’t have been made before June 8, 1998, how does the background music show whether or not she was underage?

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