Last week ended fucking horribly, so let’s start this week with a powerful and rejuvenating tale of the human spirit that will bind us all together in a cavalcade of love and unity-boners. The tale of Minka Kelly‘s sex tape. TMZ reports:
The tape is shot in a semi-professional manner. The camera is secured by a tripod and hooked up to a TV monitor, so both Minka and the BF can watch the action they create. Minka is very aware of the camera.
It’s unclear how old Minka was when the tape was shot. Two songs from Brandy’s second album, “Never Say Never,” are playing in the background. The album was released on June 8, 1998 — 16 days before Minka’s 18th birthday. But one source questioned whether the song was added after the fact to make it appear she was over 18.
Ah, the old pretend you were underage so nobody buys it maneuver. Too bad Minka Kelly didn’t count on one man sitting in a basement who’s willing to take a bullet for the Internet-team, so here’s how it’s going to play out. I’ll volunteer to watch it and if Chris Hansen doesn’t burst through my wall five seconds in, we’ll know she’s of legal age. However, if he does, I’ll use all my skill and cunning to release a single white dove during our karate fight so none of you go to jail. (If it’s a quail, that means it’s not her, but still some underage chick, whereas a wild turkey represents I’m hungry from repeated viewings, somebody carve this thing.) WE RIDE.