Millepied, Benjamin Millepied…

January 17th, 2011 // 79 Comments

And now back to the Golden Globes.

Not that I’m trying to go all Sarah Palin on you – *quickly erases crosshairs* – but here’s a quick look at the man who thought knocking up Natalie Portman would be an awesome idea. His name? Benjamin Millepied, which is only slightly less ridiculous than “Lord Smuggerton” which is what I was going to call him. I mean, just look at the guy. Every shot he’s making some snooty, “Yes, indeed, I diddled this,” face instead of screaming at people that he’s seen Natalie Portman’s vagina. Which is exactly what I’d be doing. Brad Pitt would be using Angelina Jolie as a stick to force me off the red carpet, that’s how romantic I’d be. But, no, not Master Benjamin here. That sort of ribaldry might spoil his tea.

Photos: Getty


  1. Deacon Jones

    I want to punch him in his forehead. Indeed.

  2. twankypatties

    wow. that hair is awful.

  3. Natalie Portman Benjamin Millepied
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow who is this guy? Because he just looks bored of her shit. Poor Natalie!

  4. Wasn’t he on Frasier?

  5. Ganja

    His hair looks like Kate Gosselins’ hair’s asshole.

  6. Benjie? FYI? Next time try to avoid styling your hair with an ice cream scoop.

  7. spinal

    Oy vey, I’m worried about my darling Natalie. Everything about this guy is ‘off’ – from his hairline to his comments to the press to his constipated douche face. Even the way they got together is suspect. And considering the guy she was with before was that dirty hippie forest of pubic hair “musician”, I think this may end badly for her. She has horrible, horrible taste in men.

  8. suck it

    She had sex with HIM???? wow.

  9. Satan's bitch

    Agreed, Fish – Lord Smuggerton it is.

  10. mud butt

    Hey Fish, you asshole, they weren’t crosshairs, but something from a survey map, and the ‘alleged shooter’ is a 9/11 ‘truther’ who hates Bush. So your reference there is pure crapola.
    Although, I’m sure it still pissed off your preacher daddy, so ‘Mission Accomplished’ haha…
    Amazing how people can parrot what is force-fed them through the major media outlets and still come across like they’re the hip edgy anti-establishment types. You are foot-soldiers for the establishment, you fucking pussies.

    • Lady Blah Blah

      Right, those weren’t cross hairs they were survey map symbols, and “Don’t retreat, reload” refers to something surveyors do…

      Fish didn’t suggest that the shooter was influenced by Palin, so how is Fish’s “reference pure crapola”?

      It is amazing how people can parrot what they hear in the media, e.g., from media figures like Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh…

      As for who is “edgy,” I once researched right-wing militia type group members, and several told me that Rush Limbaugh and figures like him were “liberals, who were put in place by the people who control the media to keep conservatives confused.” I know what edgy is, and there is NOTHING edgy in the media from right or left.

    • Mudbutt – yeah, it was “implied” – and it was both topical and fucking funny. While I don’t think Shoot ‘Em Up Sarah is directly to blame for the AZ shooting, if you’re gonna use gun culture to further your interests and your PR image and keep yourself in the media, you also gotta take ownership for the ever-increasing amount of no-carry-permit whackjobs who jump on your bandwagon. You might as well whine about being saddled with the evangelical right wing while you’re at it. If you don’t like what some of the people you’re in bed with are doing, pull their dick out of your ass and leave.

      • mud butt

        Whether you think so or not, there is absolutely ZERO pointing to him being a part of her ‘bandwagon.’ So how is it topical?
        All indications point to the local sheriff’s dept dropping the ball on this one, but don’t let that rain on your blame-white-right-winger parade!

      • Hysterical, much? “All indications” point to nothing of the kind. Look, if you’re going to be outright ridiculous and try and pass off crosshairs as “surveyor’s marks” you’re seriously gonna have to either step up your game or go home, because you really suck at spin.

        Loughner has a petty criminal record, but under AZ laws he was allowed to buy the same Glock 9mm that was the VA Tech killer’s weapon of choice. Because the Federal ban on assault weapons expired in ’04, he was able to purchase an extended clip. AZ is an open-carry state, and it doesn’t outlaw the sale of high-capacity magazines. They also don’t require local law enforcement to approve gun permits, so what his “local sheriff’s dept” could have done to avoid this was – nothing.

        Sorry to have to be such a downer, but YOUR parade just stepped in a big pile of right-winger apologist elephant shit .

  11. barking bud

    The only red carpet I’m interested in is Christina Hendricks’.

  12. imagen

    Any moment now a purple alien named Roy is going to emerge from his head.

  13. seth rogen's vagina

    what is that, hair plugs?
    she’s looking pretty jowl-ey.
    lord smuggerton’s wang in portman is like a turd in the punchbowl. even after you take it out, the fun’s been ruined for everyone else.

  14. cc

    When she made that joke during the GGs, anyone else think her laughter sounded a bit like someone who might be a little unhinged?

  15. I had a millepied sting the shit outta my big toe in Cambodia back in ’67. It wasn’t wearing no tuxedo, though…

  16. Natalie Portman Benjamin Millepied
    Commented on this photo:

    How does a man get to impregnate a movie star?
    Well for one thing he has to be at the right place at the right time.
    And he doesn’t have to be fabulously good looking….see Exhibit A above.

  17. Mena

    Great she had sex with one of the aliens from “Mars Attacks”

  18. Nick

    Did anyone notice his name is literally “thousand foot” in french? I think we can safely assume that this baby isn’t his as humans and insects cannot inter-breed.

    • jake

      Actually it’s “Thousand Feet” but still funny dude LOL it’s weird coz that’s what I told my mother the first I heard his name. I’m french BTW otherwise I wouldn’t tell you this.

      • jake

        oops no sorry my bad you were right it’s “thousand foot coz it doesn’t end with an “S” it’s Millepied not Millepieds

  19. Bob

    WTF is up with his hair??

  20. Hate Rough? you probably hate freedom

    Good fortune Benjamin. Right place, right time.

  21. “Rather tawdry bunch these actors, but it is fun to slum it now and again. Oh Jeeves.”

  22. gigi2

    He is sooo fug. Mushroom head.
    I can’t believe she dedicated her entire speech to him like he’s the bee’s knees or something. Gross. I have a bad feeling about how this one will end…

  23. popo

    I believe that’s what they call foreplay in the Millepied household.

    “Oh Nats, would you be so good as to slap me again. You know, on my brow.”

    “Oh Benjie!”

  24. Natalie Portman Benjamin Millepied
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s a comb over if I’ve ever seen one. (And it must be a truly absurd-looking case of male pattern baldness).

  25. burton

    she had sex with this????? hes ugly and that kid is gonna look wonky.

  26. Amy

    The face is nice (though it looks better with facial hair), but that hairline/hairstyle is wacky.

  27. MrsEllis

    You men are ridiculous. He is obviously very handsome, and he’s a DANCER. He probably fucks like a machine.

    PS- Natalie Portman looks so cute pregnant. Usually, I think women look uglier, and they should not show off how fat they’re getting, but she is so adorable with the extra weight and the glowey face and all that shit. I’m jealous. She’s perfect.

    • Ever fucked a dancer before? They got great reflexes, but they’re both arrogant and insecure as shit – it’s all about them. That, and they keep checking the mirror to make sure they look good at every angle. I’ll make the odd exception for someone like Patrick Swayze because I hear he was a pretty decent guy, but look at Sir Smugalot’s face! His mantra’s gotta be “No one puts Benjy in the corner”.

    • James

      Ever fucked a fighter before?! We have better reflexes, we aren’t insecure (part and parcel really) we don’t check the mirror cuz we got battle scars which take away the beauty and we know how to punch a fucking hole in something (take note of that)…
      Dancers, pssccht, that dude is as fugly as my sausage dog, and this Isreali girl needs something better than his weak as piss sperm inside her,

  28. Natalie Portman Benjamin Millepied
    she is so classy
    Commented on this photo:

    WHY Natalie have such bad taste in men?

  29. Natalie Portman Benjamin Millepied
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m set for liiiiiiiiiife muthaf**kaaa”

  30. GravyLeg

    Talk about irony… Do a movie about how fucked up dancers are only to fuck, be impregnated by, and potentially marry one… This should end very well…

  31. I wonder what the specific terms of the Satanic contract he signed are.

  32. ihateemo

    Either she has incredibly low self-esteem or he raped her.

  33. MZ

    He’s Martin F-in Short from the synchronized swimming skit from SNL 80′s !

  34. so Natalie actually got knocked up from Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

  35. hootenany

    He may not be talking about being in her vagina but he seems to have a picture of it on the front of his jacket.

  36. Amy Sandwich

    I think he is extremely attractive and has a look of mysteriousness about him. However, it is rather unfortunate about the hair.

    Also, WTF is up with this fugly kid to the right of this webpage. I can’t take it.

  37. wim

    as long as you are willing enough to give him compliment HE WILL SUCK YOUR COCK!!!
    (this is with about 90 percent of the actors, THIS IS ALSO REFERRED AS “AS*KISSING”)

  38. Happy Feet up there looks like Megamind in a really bad wig.

  39. Ally

    WTF is up with his hair? Get a haircut millepeid!

  40. fransfatulesi

    Very match..hehehe..

    earn money fast

  41. Fred


  42. cc

    Has she ever bared her bum in a movie? I always wanted to see it.

  43. Alex

    I hate Natalie Portman and her obviously Eastern European self passing off as being of Semitic origin.

    • Look up “diaspora” sometime, idiot. Both sides of her family are Jewish, from eastern Europe.

      • James

        Holy shit I don’t see how much more Semitic (Natalie HERSHLAG…seriously..??) and eastern European you can get than being born in Jerusalem (Israel, if you didn’t know…) into a family of Jews (Russian, Polish, Austrian, Romanian)…. you ignoramus Alex. GO join the NSDAP you fucking monkey

  44. closer

    Closer. bare bumb

  45. closer

    I meant see her movie closer. she shows her bare bumb and she gives a naked dance for one of the male character. check

  46. closer

    Check out the clip of Natalie in Hotel Chevalier on . She is naked there. second page on the natalie tab

  47. the last hetero on earth

    What the fuck? Is he going for the retarded Richie Rich look?

    yeah He is handsome all right, if you are into midget 12 year old looking men, I guess guys are not the only ones that like shitty looking people like Coco, I guess girls have fucked up tastes as well,

    I See Megamind Is adapting to this world well

    Why does he look like he has an egg shoved up his ass?
    if Natalie’s taste in men is this, I hope he cheats on her

  48. miss_glitter

    David Hyde Pierce knocked up Keira Knightley?

  49. Natalie Portman Benjamin Millepied
    Commented on this photo:

    more good looking than you no doubt

  50. Natalie Portman Benjamin Millepied
    Commented on this photo:

    i find him rather attractive.

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