Miley Cyrus’ Date To The VMAs Isn’t Exactly Homeless

August 26th, 2014 // 50 Comments
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Most people consider homeless to mean poor, destitute, no place to turn to. So when Miley Cyrus brought a “homeless” date to the VMAs, it was just assumed that she picked this poor guy up off the streets where poverty had left him. Turns out he’s a struggling model whose mom says he can come home anytime he wants. Whoops. The Daily Mail reports:

Speaking from her home in Salem, Mrs Helt, mother to Jesse’s three brothers and sister, added Jesse chose to ‘go it alone’ and chase his dreams.
She said: ‘He wanted to be in Los Angeles and he had opportunities and he took them, but you know, he’s had his ups and downs like anybody else.
‘It was his choice, he was always welcome, he could always come back any time. If he needed help, I’d help him, we help one another,’ she added.

And if you’re about to say this is nitpicking, go ahead and ask a real homeless person what they’d do just to sleep in a clean bed let alone after a home-cooked meal because I’m pretty sure they’d apologize to their mom for doing drugs and breaking into houses in a heartbeat. In fact, they’d probably say, “Wait, that’s it?!” before stabbing you with a tin can for actually thinking they’d be stupid enough to pass that up. Goddammit.

Photos: Instagram / Getty

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  1. JimBB

    In Summary: Miley is fucking him and he’s a con artist who’s using her ditzy, gullible ass to advance his own “career.”

    Take note, Disney/Nickelodeon dumbasses. This is the kind of leech you will attract in Hollywood, because you’re fucking stupid.

  2. PassingTrue

    Simulated homeless man pictured above. Any resemblance (either visual or olfactory) to an actual homeless person is coincidental and unlikely.

    Your Miley may vary.

  3. buzz

    The whole scenario sounded like bullshit to me from the beginning.

    • Yes, it was obviously a scam. I commented elsewhere, on Sunday, that most of the so-called “homeless youth” in L.A. are probably only a few miles from their parent’s house. In any event, none of them are truly homeless. I know of young people who spend Summer “on the streets”, pretending to be homeless coz itz so kewl.

  4. I saw these fuckfacing dipshit “homeless” kids panhandling with a sign that said “traveling” and “anything will help”. Dipshit suburban white kids that chose dreadlocks over college or getting a fucking job. The girl was holding a victoria’s secret bag, like the paper bags they send your goddamn panties home with you in. And they had a fat golden retriever with a bandana.

    I told them that real homeless people would eat the dog.

    I seriously could have bashed those kid’s heads in with a baseball bat.

    • I was getting some lunch at work once with some co workers when one of the chicks suddenly runs up to a homeless girl who is sitting and crying holding a kitten. So she gives the girl money right? Nope, she started screaming in this girls face about what a piece of shit she is, and how someone should that cat away and give it a good home, and she should be ashamed…

      I thought I was witnessing an arch-conservative schooling a homeless person on the merits of rugged individualism. Turns out the chick had been out on a date a few days earlier, and seen this girl sitting and crying, and made her date give the girl $50 to get a bus ticket to go home and get away from her abusive boyfriend. She was more than a little upset to find out she’d been conned.

      Imagine how pissed she’d have been if she’d given up her own money.

    • themapeshotel

      Not to defend these yuppie brats in the least USDA, but I do all the veterinary work for a homeless outreach run by the local animal shelter in my city. We were one of the hardest hit by the crash and are recovering slower than the national average so our homeless population is hovering around 20k by best estimates.

      You would be surprised by the amount of truly destitute people on the streets that choose to feed their dogs over themselves everyday. It goes beyond companionship, the dog protects their homeless owner from other homeless that may be seeking to rob them or from heartless vandals that do terrible things to vagrants.

      Twice a week my team goes down to the local “tent city” to administer veterinary care. These people will walk miles just to have a lump or scrap checked on their pups or to make sure they have shots or collect a free bag of dog food.

      Sorry if this was misplaced, I’ll step off the soap box now.

  5. this is literally the first I’ve heard about this. Mostly because the VMA isnt’ a real award show…and I don’t even care about the real ones.

    If Miley wants to fuck filthy hobos, is it really up to us to say “wait, that guy isn’t filthy enough”?

    • JimBB

      Not only am I fine with Miley fucking filthy con-men, but it’s pretty much what I *expect* from her.

      The only problem I have is with the press, who’ve been falling all over the story as this wonderful tale of the rich princess helping out the poor homeless kid. They’re just as stupid as she is, and they don’t even have the excuse of being home-schooled trailer trash.

    • I’ll bet a fresh shiny uncirculated mint condition quarter that Miley Cyrus is an enormous prude… like the cries when she hears someone unzip kind of prude.

      • in her defense, i wouldn’t expect her to be sexually “normal” after being molested by billy ray.

      • So you’re suggesting the tears were just lubricant?

        Interesting…

      • LOL “fresh, skinny, uncirculated mint condition”? Well, she is skinny, but from the rest of it I was sure you weren’t talking about Miley. She is skinny, though, in a good way. A lot of men appreciate a woman who can keep her weight (and fat) under control. You fat chicks can go pump somebody else, thanks. Oh, and fuck off, too.

  6. He can have her. Then she can pretend to be homeless too.

  7. I’m homeless, Miley. Wanna fuck?

    • LOL great idea, Donneroo, I think I’ll spend some time sleeping on the streets of L.A., heck, I look more homeless than Mr. “I met a rock star” there…

  8. Dox

    Rule #1- Never trust a guy cultivating a pubestache and chinstrap. Looks way too much like a comic book villain.

    Rule #2- Never bring someone to a nationally televised event, without running a background check.

    Rule #3- When making a colossal mistake, leave no photographic, video, or audio evidence of said mistake.

    Attempting to gain publicity and funding to combat homelessness is noble. Picking a random dude off the street to take to the VMA’s is idiotic.
    But then again, its about what I expect from a chick with a constant vagina Melvin that wags her tongue, molests children’s toys, and dances with a six foot tall penis on stage.

    How is anyone surprised at this?

    • Actually, aside from her tongue spasms, I have no problem with anything Miley does. She seems to have more humanity about her than most of the showbiz bangers I’ve met.

  9. I’m not surprised in the least. Miley wouldn’t want to be around an actual homeless person.

  10. Miley Cyrus VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    Go to town, internet Photoshoppers!

  11. Miley Cyrus VMAs
    Odbarc
    Commented on this photo:

    Parents always said if you make a face long enough, it’ll stay that way.

    How embarrassing that the face she got stuck with was ready for a facial.

  12. This whole thing just goes to show how liberals are literally and figuratively, idiots. I especially love how you Fish go fishing for Conservatives with that horseshit you just posted about the sheister Jesse Helt. The only thing you got right out of that drivel is “Most people consider homeless to mean poor, destitute, no place to turn to” which s mostly true, the rest of it is your typical liberal irony of how you can take these people home and nurture them back to good health and prosperity, wait, you really mean someone else can do that as most libs cant be bothered with charity. It is a fact most Homeless have mental issues or substance abuse problems, they arent a fucking Puppy you take home and potty train you jackass, most of them would steal your shit and buy a vial of crack.

  13. He’s also got a warrant out for his arrest. http://mashable.com/2014/08/26/miley-cyrus-vma-date-wanted/?utm_cid=mash-com-fb-main-link

    I actually kinda wondered if he wasn’t playing her. I mean, I think she might have actually thought she was doing something good. (I might be giving too much credit but…)

  14. I don’t like his face.

  15. tony

    I think it is very ignorant to claim this fellow is not “homeless” just because he could technically return home to his parents.
    There are different degrees of homelessness. This guy is at one end of the spectrum of homelessness because he has other options but as long as he is living on the street or in a shelter he is homeless

  16. There IS a warrant out for his arrest in Oregon…so that might be stopping him from coming home too LOL.

  17. AXEIDENT

    He’s hot & doing mycy so back off u pathetic haters with homes & lots of material crap

  18. AXEIDENT

    He’s hot & doing mycy so back off u pathetic haters with homes & lots of material crap

  19. moo

    Wow, this blows the whole teenage runaway thing wide open. They don’t count. Next up, Fish can discuss how most homeless people are entitled to various benefits and welfare programs that, If properly used, would allow those homeless to get a place to live. So they aren’t really homeless either! Everybody is just a loser for us to feel superior to and never ever give them any money.

  20. Fish, I always like what you write, but to place “struggling” and “model” together in direct sequential order is the stuff Pulitzers are made of. I’m slow-clapping on my own here.

  21. ace11

    Since she is doing the guy, why not try and expose him

    what a little tramp

  22. Jimmy Olsen

    Rent a flat above a shop
    cut your hair and get a job
    smoke some fags and play some pool
    pretend you never went to school
    But still you’ll never get it right
    when you’re laid in bed at night
    watching roaches climb the wall
    if you called your dad you could stop it all.

  23. most of the so-called homeless are actually a mixture of junkies and con artists (professional homeless)
    i never give them a dime and never will.
    like the saying goes, ‘don’t feed the animals.’
    if they keep getting money, they will stick around. it’s like throwing chum into the ocean.

  24. Miley Cyrus VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    Even cowgirls get the blues.

  25. Miley Cyrus VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s such a ridiculous attention whore. Ugh.

  26. Huh. Now that his criminal history has come to light, I keep expecting people to start throwing the word “thug” around like it’s going out of style, but 45 comments later, and nothing.

    I wonder what’s different about him. I feel like it’s almost staring me in the face, but I can’t put a finger on it.

    • Jezzer, I don’t say this enough:

      I love you.

      • TheSuperWhinyBitchial.com

        Key difference white guilt morons is that this kid never bashed someone’s head in the ground why saying I’m going to kill you or punched a cop and tried to get his gun. Always leave out those major details. Those two repeatedly assaulting people in their lifetime makes people not care about them.

    • tacky

      Yeah why hasn’t he been shot yet? Where are his middle finger selfies from facebook?

  27. tacky

    There are different degrees of being homeless. It can happen in stages. You don’t immediately start out as a dirty, hairy, crazy toothless person. Your first night on the street you could easily look just like this kid now. I knew a guy in college who had his rent mucked with and raised without notice so he was basically kicked out. He had a job but stayed in a homeless shelter for a bit. He could not afford a down payment, furniture, or utilities all at once for a new place not to mention transportation. He had no place to put his things so he left most of belongings behind. He was given a better job and saved money from being in the shelter. Some people have asshole parents who try to cover it up when you actually hit rock bottom. My parents are like that and yeah I have been homeless in a small way before. Just because you take a risk for your career like moving to a new city or something does not mean you are stupid. Some people can’t stay at home forever until they get a dream 6 figure job. I am back with my dad because my mom is a bitch. They are helping me now because they feel bad about the shit they didn’t do for me earlier. When my brother gets out of jail he will be homeless because he is a criminal and dangerous and addicted to drugs. Our family says don’t let him stay with you he could hurt you and it’s true. Lots of homeless people have ‘family’ but it’s complicated.

  28. tacky

    When a young person tried to be independent and make it on their own guess what….they struggle yet they are still called brats. Some people aren’t afriad of risk or being uncomfortable. Some people feel guilty about burdening their aging parents. My aging parents are reckless with money and have lots of kids and grandkids. I tried to be independent and failed. When I hit rock bottom and was nearly homeless they allowed me to come home….by the by my mother has been evicted several times and my dad unemployed most of my life off and on. When young people leech off mom and dad and stay at home til they get married or the perfect job guess what…they are called brats. You are damned if you do damned if you don’t.

  29. Wow, Imagine…out of all the “homeless youths” you could have picked to *accurately* describe actual homeless youth, you have to go and pick an aspiring model with a record. THEN, you have to hijack the awards while trying *in vain* to squeeeeeze out some kind of superficial tears. Fucking whore.

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