Mila Kunis Is Moving In With Ashton Kutcher

February 22nd, 2013 // 33 Comments
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There was a beautiful, almost innocent time when Mila Kunis was afforded a ton of goodwill despite being famous for playing a shrill harpie on a Fox sitcom. She was smoking hot, yet incredibly nerdy to the point that Seth MacFarlane was in awe of her Star Trek knowledge. But then a darkness happened. She aligned her vagina with Ashton Kutcher‘s penis which turned her into an annoying angry vessel obsessed with lamentations of those who exposed their unholy alliance. And now comes word she has taken his homestead as her own, sending Middle Earth into chaos and ruin. And by Middle Earth I mean my penis, a foolish tower of hope if there ever was one, yet turgid and stout-hearted. Us Weekly reports:

A source says the Black Swan star has been bunking with her Two and a Half Men actor beau while her own house is being remodeled, and she may make the move official soon.
“Ashton’s male roommate is moving out to make room for her,” the insider tells Us of the Oz the Great and Powerful actress. Adds another pal: “They really are perfect for each other.”

When reached for comment, Demi Moore ate a raw fish then said something about “tricksy little hobbitses.” Or maybe it was about Cool Whip. Her undead tongue has always been strange and foreign to my ears.

Photos: Getty


  1. The “Black Swan” star and “2 and Half Men” actor?

    Jackie and Kelso, dumbass!

  2. Wilber

    Senator Kelso scores with Soviet chick! That’d be the headline I’d use

  3. Emma Watson's Vagina

    this will not go well.

    • Dr. JFever

      Exactly what I was going to post! This is doomed! Hope her rebound is not another douche. How about she tries a female for her next relationship? Mila and Amber Heard would make a nice couple and make great FAP material for nerds.

  4. CrashHell

    Just goes to show that strong relationships can really last after statutory rape.

    • Emma Watson's Vagina

      with a statutory rape usually the girl is consenting. she was just under the legal age of the state or country. usually later on a woman(or guy) will think low of the person. also it depends on the circle involved with their reguard to the law.

  5. Cock Dr

    How long before Asshton is back out trolling for fresh poon…maybe in a blonde flavor?

    • Emma Watson's Vagina

      when this relationship gets boring. much like it did when he was with Demi. he might be going after that English actress on his show who played his love interest. that would be interesting.

  6. reinhard heidrich

    she is a commie pinko anyway and this makes him a commie pinko sympathizer…or something like that…

  7. That Bastard Tony

    Considering Ashy Coochie’s history with infidelity, he may end up with a Thanksgiving similar to Tiger Woods, except his may end up looking a lot more like Denzel at the end of Training Day. I sure Mila knows people that she can call if someone hurts her bad enough.

  8. Hooking up even with the pedo Wilmer Valdersomethingortheother would’ve been a better choice than asstain doucher.

  9. Mila Kunis W Magazine Gemfields Brand Ambassador Launch
    Commented on this photo:

    She ought to be an ambassador for a flea market, because that’s where you buy other damaged goods. Pout all you want, Mila, that “Touched by a Kutcher” label is the equivalent putting a car up on blocks in front of your house – it devalues the property. Next!

  10. Ashton’s male roommate? Who the fuck is worth $100 million plus and has a goddamn roommate? Also his house is like 10,000 sq.ft, why the hell would anyone have to move out of it? A small army could live there.

  11. Has she taken a picture smiling since she’s been with Asston? She’s seemed much more approachable before she got with that asshole. Looks like he drains the life out of his women. Like a male succubus.

  12. Buffalo Chips

    Is this a new THM story line or he actually has a roommate?! Also, did Chuck Lorre model Waldon’s life on Ashton’s like with Sheen? Let’s see: Ashton has a grumpy ex-wife, super rich, a douche…. Judges: YESSS.

  13. Well, goddammit, I guess Mila is dead to me now. Next thing ya know they’ll be saying Katy Perry is back with that John Mayer jerkoff…WHAT!!! No way!…F U C K !

  14. Her vagina is dead to me, but luckily that still leaves 3 more holes.

    (I’ll let you figure out if I don’t know female anatomy, or I’m a really sick freak)

  15. The thought of Mila living with him (whose name I will not say) is just sad.

  16. Considering how much she looks like a prettier version of a young Demi Moore, he just traded in for a newer model. He’ll likely treat her the same as soon as she starts looking older than his fangirls.

  17. anonym

    how long will Mila last before she’s kicked to the curb ?

    place your bets

  18. violetfire

    that’s so cute. love will heal the world. that’s the truth. maybe you all should strive for love, instead of lust. just a thought.

  19. kery

    She looks good ! they are just fine.

  20. Mila Kunis W Magazine Gemfields Brand Ambassador Launch
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it just me or does she look like shit in this picture?

  21. I bet this is PR because that new OZ movie probably got poor scores in test screenings.

  22. SLiver

    Thank God you can’t hear a picture. (She looks lovely here, apparently has been somewhat altered. )

  23. Mila Kunis W Magazine Gemfields Brand Ambassador Launch
    Commented on this photo:

    So it begins…

  24. Whatev

    They’ve been working together since that ‘That 70′s Show’ in the 90s. Nothing new.

  25. Mike

    Overrated hosebag.

    Is that how it’s spelled?

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