Mila Kunis Is Moving In With Ashton Kutcher

There was a beautiful, almost innocent time when Mila Kunis was afforded a ton of goodwill despite being famous for playing a shrill harpie on a Fox sitcom. She was smoking hot, yet incredibly nerdy to the point that Seth MacFarlane was in awe of her Star Trek knowledge. But then a darkness happened. She aligned her vagina with Ashton Kutcher’s penis which turned her into an annoying angry vessel obsessed with lamentations of those who exposed their unholy alliance. And now comes word she has taken his homestead as her own, sending Middle Earth into chaos and ruin. And by Middle Earth I mean my penis, a foolish tower of hope if there ever was one, yet turgid and stout-hearted. Us Weekly reports:

A source says the Black Swan star has been bunking with her Two and a Half Men actor beau while her own house is being remodeled, and she may make the move official soon.
“Ashton’s male roommate is moving out to make room for her,” the insider tells Us of the Oz the Great and Powerful actress. Adds another pal: “They really are perfect for each other.”

When reached for comment, Demi Moore ate a raw fish then said something about “tricksy little hobbitses.” Or maybe it was about Cool Whip. Her undead tongue has always been strange and foreign to my ears.

Photos: Getty